the alcohol to the flame

[logan_echolls]

Aaron Echolls! Next spectacle this Tuesday night, 6pm, after the premiere of "Beyond the Breaking Point", sequel to "The Breaking Point". Starring in this spectacle is Aaron, himself, as The Punisher; his wife Lynn Echolls (formerly the one time famous Lynn Lester) as The Pill-Popping Alcoholic and Ignorant Mother; and lastly, his son, Logan

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[renewedsoul_v]

"Siblings are supposed to pick on each other, Logan. Not like Dick and Cassidy, or you and Trina are all that different in the way you treat each other." I pointed out. "I'm not trying to seem like I take it personally. I know most of the time you're just teasing. It's just not always that obvious to people who aren't you." I tried to explain. There were moments, especially when they both got in on Duncan about how he could use some more excitement, that it started to seem like more than teasing.

I let out a breath. The last thing I wanted was to get into a screaming match with Logan while trapped in his car.

"Look, I do get on Lilly's case about the major things." I stated, "Or did she fail to let you in on any of the arguments resulting from that?" It had happened more than once. And more than once she'd told me that I was her best friend before I was his boyfriend. Like somehow I wasn't allowed to love them both.

"I know he is, Logan. I'm sorry, okay?" I asked frustrated. "I don't ever forget it. We were friends with Lilly and Duncan long before either of us started dating them. And honestly? I'm not expecting anything other than a place in his life in addition to, not instead of, you." If that didn't get him to back off and relax, I had no clue what actually would at this point.

[logan_echolls]

"Or maybe, you're being just a little too sensitive. Duncan's a big boy, he can fend for himself instead of you doing it for him. If he was really that bothered then he would have said so."

I was sick of being the enemy that Veronica Mars chose to make me any time something went array. I wasn't the bad guy of the plot. I wasn't innocent, no, but I wasn't a total bastard and I was sick of being treated like I was one.

"It's different - you getting on Lilly's case versus you getting on mine, Veronica. You actually like Lilly for once and you can't stand me half of the time for another. I'm not asking for anything from you except for maybe a two second break from you blaming me. I'm not responsible for all these little things that you so like to pin on me." I scoffed towards her, "I'm sick of it, okay?"

"I'm his friend and you just love to point out how much better I could possibly be."

[renewedsoul_v]

"Maybe I am. It's not like I can hop in a time machine and change it, is it?" I rolled my eyes. "As far as Duncan actually saying anything, how often does he actually speak up when he should?" I questioned.

"I can't stand you have the time because you're constantly an ass to me, you make it just as clear, and always have, that you have absolutely no use for me." I reminded him, clenching my fists for a moment. Part of me felt like jumping out of the moving car just so I wasn't stuck fighting with Logan with no escape. Being trapped was not something I ever handled well.

"You don't think I'm just as sick of all the insults you sling my way? All the times you try to make me feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to party all the time, and I don't want my parents to lose their trust in me over whatever scheme you and Lilly have come up with to 'liven up' my life?" I snapped. We were equally guilty in this mess and there was no way I was letting him dump it all on me.

"Have you ever once heard me say to Duncan than he can do better? Or to Lilly for that matter?" I asked, angling my body towards the window. It was as far away from him as I could get. Sure I get pissed off at him at times - okay, a lot of the time - but I've never once even thought that I wanted him gone from their lives.

"I couldn't do that to you guys, Logan." I whispered, letting out a sad breath. Again, I might not get along with Logan a good chunk of the time, but splitting them up because I don't always like him? I'd be no better than Celeste's treatment of me.

Couldn't we go back to getting along? That was better than this. Really was.

[logan_echolls]

"How can he possibly do it for himself when you always do the honors for him?" I asked bitterly.

"I mean, do you positively know that every single thing I do bothers him? Have you even met the males of our species to know how guys communicate. We're not like girls. We don't discuss our feelings - not like that - but I would know if Duncan truly had a problem with anything I was doing."

See, now we were getting to the real thick middle of the problem. Yeah, blame me, Veronica.

"I don't have any use for you. The only reason that we possibly ever hang out is because of Duncan and Lilly. I was only trying to be nice when I picked you up today. That's all, but obviously I did it just because I wanted to sling more insults your way. Maybe make fun of your hair or the fact that maybe I do think that you need to liven up a bit."

"You talk about college, love and family as if it's the only thing in your world. As if that's all that ever possibly matters. You are in essence an 09er without the cash. Maybe we just care enough to want you guys in on any possible opportunities that come along - that are different. Something that you wouldn't bother trying and something that maybe you should. It's about living and not just existing."

"It's about learning too," I said quietly.

It was as if she thought me to be entirely heartless. I wiped my hair back with one hand and let out a hard breath. She got to me as always. All this perfection that surrounded her got to me.

She makes this sad sound that makes me feel bad for a moment. Like she can ache inside just as much as me. I just shake my head. I can't answer or deny the fact that I've told both Duncan and Lilly that they could do so much better than Veronica Mars.

[renewedsoul_v]

"Whatever you say, Logan." I sighed, "I'll bite my tonge and keep my mouth shut next time it involves Duncan. Will that get you to shut up?"

"God, don't you think I know that? Do you think I would even talk to you if it weren't for them? Honestly?" I shook my head. He was doing it again. Making it sound like everything I wanted for myself was something to be ashamed of. It wasn't. There wasn't something wrong with it.

"No, you with your holier than thou, nothing I do matters because my parents have more money than God so I'll do whatever I want attitude is pure 09ner, Logan. More of our extended circle of friends act like you than me and we both know it." I spat back.

"What is so wrong with my life, anyway?" I questioned, still moving to even face forward again. "If I'm happy, why is it so damn important to you to go changing that?" I really couldn't understand it. I didn't get why it was so freaking important to him that I be in on his partying. You'd think he'd be worried that I'd suck the fun right out of it. He clearly thought I was a black hole the rest of the year. Homecoming being the only clear exception.

"Why do you hate me so much?" I couldn't help but ask. If he hated being around me as much as he seemed to, why did he want to join in on Lilly's little projects to make me more like her? "It's not new or anything, but I don't - you've been hostile to me since Junior High." Wait. And the lightbulb goes on. "Duncan. All of this is because of Duncan, isn't it?"

[logan_echolls]

"Well, see, that might be a nice start," I replied, my voice hard. My patience quickly wore when it came to this certain sheriff's daughter. There were times that I though that I wouldn't want anything more but Veronica's disappearance (excluding the fact that both Lilly and Duncan would take that as a loss).

At least we're in agreement that we want nothing to do with each other. I give almost a wry smile to her at that. Thank god for the Kanes, I might have died from boredom otherwise. Talking to Veronica was like talking to your food before you ate it.

Yeah, our 'extended circle of friends' may act more like me, but you've got all the stuff that means anything to be a 09er down - everything but the bank account.

"How did you get that 'extended circle of friends anyway, Veronica?" I asked. "It really couldn't possibly be this charming attitude, could it? No, I'm pretty sure that it's exactly because of who you're dating." I shook my head. This couldn't possibly be my reasoning for trying to ward Duncan and Lilly away, could it?

Still, I couldn't say the words. Why her life seemed so wrong to me was because of her happiness and whether or not Lilly admitted it too, she was bothered too. Just because none of it could be possibly real. Bliss was something that had anger over and she was the only one with true bliss - a precious family. It was entirely unrealistic.

I clenched my jaw as I pulled my X-Terra into the Kane driveway and then spoke collectively - trying to bat any other feelings away, especially when she mentions Duncan.

"I don't hate you, Veronica."

I envy you.

[renewedsoul_v]

I don't even bother trying to keep myself from glaring at him when he sort of smiles. The decent but snarky exchange from earlier seems like another lifetime right now. I didn't want to be in the same town as Logan Echolls right now, never mind in his car. I should have turned down the ride. Of course that would have started a fight right then and there, so was that any better?

"Excuse me? I was best friends with Lilly for three years before Duncan and I started dating." I remind him when he says I'm only classified an 09ner because of my relationship with Duncan. Not that I cared one way or another about 09ner status. Really didn't. I was fine as long as I had Lilly and Duncan. "Maybe Duncan factors in, but I've been eating lunch every day with Lilly since the 7th grade. Who I hung around with didn't really change did it?"

In his own way Logan was just as bad as Celeste. I couldn't possibly have pure motives for wanting Lilly and Duncan in my life, so I must be a social-climbing bitch. Right. Guess I can't stop them from thinking it, anyway.

"Well, you definitely make a good attempt at making me believe you do." I stated, getting out of the car the second he turned the engine off. I can't help but notice that he avoided responding to my question about Duncan. Which makes me think I'm right.

I slam the door after picking up my purse. "For the second time tonight: I'm not trying to take him away from you Logan. I - I just want to fit in there somewhere. Is that so much to ask?" I questioned. It wasn't like I was constantly trying to push Logan out of Lilly's life.

[logan_echolls]

I almost comment as she slams the passenger door closed after getting out of the car, but it seems pretty useless at this point to focus on such a minor detail. I keep my mouth shut even though everything I want to do is hurt Veronica right now. There was a reason I'd pick fun at her sometimes. I mean, this animosity wasn't just Duncan or even Lilly. Veronica knew just as much that she pressed buttons. I was sure she did.

"What I can't tell is that if you hate me so much. If you hate everyone else at that table but Duncan and Lilly, why do you bother sitting there at all? Really. Especially when you could convince them to sit elsewhere if you really wanted." I state, slipping out of the car to talk with her.

"You don't even like those people and yet you've been sitting with them for years." I sound exasperated because I am. I know I'm probably no better than Veronica - that I dealt with people just because of Duncan and Lilly. God knows, I was doing it right now.

I put a hand firmly on the hood of my car. Talking to her with something hard and durable between us seemed like the best idea.

"I'm not taking him away from you, Veronica. That's not what I want to do," I tell her quietly. This old screaming match with Veronica is something that I just want gone. This is the last thing I actually want to happen. "I couldn't possibly do that, even if I did want to." Because he loves you.

[renewedsoul_v]

"When did I say I hated you?" I questioned. "I said you're an ass to me most of the time, but that's not the same thing. Annoying the hell out of me doesn't automatically translate into me hating you last I checked." I said, completely frustrated by this entire conversation. "You're Duncan's best friend, Lilly loves you. You're part of the package. And you have moments where I actually understand why that is. So, no, as pissed off at you as I get, I don't hate you."

"I'm - Look, I might not always get along with everybody, or even really agree with them about a lot of things, but again, that doesn't mean I hate them. And it definitely doesn't give me the right to try and convince Lilly and Duncan to stay away from them." I insisted.

It wasn't like we hadn't talked just a few minutes ago about how much I hated the way Celeste treated me, so what made him think I wanted to act like I was so superior to everybody? I'm not. I'm just not quite as spoiled and snobby as some. That's a pretty big difference.

"What do you want to do then?" I asked. There had to have been something. I shook my head. It didn't really matter. Besides, it wasn't like he was about to tell me. I ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it back away from my face for a moment. I just wanted Duncan happy. None of the rest of it mattered at all in comparison.

[logan_echolls]

"That's just it. You don't ever stop reminding me what a horrible person I am," I snapped towards her. "All my energies are spent against you, Duncan and most of the student body or something. No, Logan isn't at all decent. Not ever. How am I really supposed to ever know that you don't hate my guts when all you ever tell me is that I don't even care. Not caring would result in me not even bothering when it came to you or, hell, even Duncan and Lilly."

"All I want is one single day when you don't associate the words Logan Echolls and Bad Guy together."

I shook my head to her. Talking to Veronica was impossible. Who was I kidding trying to play nice by offering her a ride over here and joking about actors and stories? It was just a facade. Who was I kidding trying to tell her what I actually wanted?

I ran my fingers through my hair again and sighed heavily. I was sick of the fighting. It was just utterly useless. I made a huff of a sound while Veronica absorbed any words I had sent her way and headed towards the front door. Though seconds later I turned back again, still upset.

"I'm trying. Does that count for anything?" I asked her.