(no subject)
Flipping through channels, I noticed I could order movies. So I scrolled through a few titles, seeing if anything would really grab my attention and wake me up this afternoon after having awoken what seemed like mere minutes ago. Then I noticed the old, animated Lion Witch and the Wardrobe was listed for the low low price of a dollar and ninety-five cents. So I splurged (considering my ever dwindling income) and started it to play. I don't know why I'm intrigued more and more by such things, with the claymation of a day or two ago, a theme seems to be presenting itself. There is one line, in a particular scene where allusions to Biblical events are all but explicit, when Aslan is marching to his execution- he says to the two sisters "Touch my mane so that I know you are here, and we will walk that way."
And this struck me as certain things seem to do at certain times, and I felt a mixture of both wanting to be touched and of never wanting to feel another human being for the rest of my life. I think we forget how much being there really means to others, and I think we fool ourselves into thinking it means nothing to us either. It's all good to say things are just for fun, and maybe there are people in this world strong enough to keep that as the truth next to their heart. I, though, am just a little bit weaker than that.
You know, I love myself. I don't need anyone else, and I never will. But want, want is something entirely different, and people are so stupid about it, I am so stupid about it. Because we'll get what we want before what we need and just generally fuck ourselves over. Want is way more powerful than need.
Once, back in school, we were studying the holocaust. During the discussion, we wandered upon other great tragedies or hardships of the human race- such as living through famines or in third world countries, etc. The question came up, "How and why do these people go on?" The answer we were given, with complacency and an unquestionable sort of easy confidence was that the will to live is the strongest human emotion. Somehow that stuck with me as fact for years and years until I realized that plenty of people jump off bridges or give up or self medicate to the point that life is really inconsequential. And I feel like I've gotten to that last part stunningly enough without any help of man-made or naturally-occuring mind altering devices of any sort.
Hawaii is great fun, but I've got to get on a plane and see my apartment again, because I've been out of my element for a little bit too long, I think. I need familiar things. Seann may or may not come visit me, I have been left unclear on such specifics. I'm also trying not to care, and it is actually getting pretty convincing. I might also run up to Toronto to visit my qaf buddies, or maybe one or two of them will decide to get their lazy asses up and come see me. The world is my oyster, opportunity lies in front of me like, well, a lot of opportunity.
or some such shit.
AND I FORGOT TO MENTION that last week Seann and I went to Graceland 2. I don't know if I'm supposed to mention it or not but I will at least say that we got commemorative spoons and I am hoping we get one in each state we eventually visit he is such a great bffl ok bye
And this struck me as certain things seem to do at certain times, and I felt a mixture of both wanting to be touched and of never wanting to feel another human being for the rest of my life. I think we forget how much being there really means to others, and I think we fool ourselves into thinking it means nothing to us either. It's all good to say things are just for fun, and maybe there are people in this world strong enough to keep that as the truth next to their heart. I, though, am just a little bit weaker than that.
You know, I love myself. I don't need anyone else, and I never will. But want, want is something entirely different, and people are so stupid about it, I am so stupid about it. Because we'll get what we want before what we need and just generally fuck ourselves over. Want is way more powerful than need.
Once, back in school, we were studying the holocaust. During the discussion, we wandered upon other great tragedies or hardships of the human race- such as living through famines or in third world countries, etc. The question came up, "How and why do these people go on?" The answer we were given, with complacency and an unquestionable sort of easy confidence was that the will to live is the strongest human emotion. Somehow that stuck with me as fact for years and years until I realized that plenty of people jump off bridges or give up or self medicate to the point that life is really inconsequential. And I feel like I've gotten to that last part stunningly enough without any help of man-made or naturally-occuring mind altering devices of any sort.
Hawaii is great fun, but I've got to get on a plane and see my apartment again, because I've been out of my element for a little bit too long, I think. I need familiar things. Seann may or may not come visit me, I have been left unclear on such specifics. I'm also trying not to care, and it is actually getting pretty convincing. I might also run up to Toronto to visit my qaf buddies, or maybe one or two of them will decide to get their lazy asses up and come see me. The world is my oyster, opportunity lies in front of me like, well, a lot of opportunity.
or some such shit.
AND I FORGOT TO MENTION that last week Seann and I went to Graceland 2. I don't know if I'm supposed to mention it or not but I will at least say that we got commemorative spoons and I am hoping we get one in each state we eventually visit he is such a great bffl ok bye