(no subject)
It all started out with chicken and waffles. Seriously.
I'm half-American, but I was mostly raised in Canada, and when I wasn't there, I was in boarding school, which, apart from the occasional thrilling trip to New York City, might as well have been located in northwest Buttfuck Nowhere, Anystate, U.S.A.
I've been living in New York for a couple of years now, but New York might as well be its own country. So, I still get amazed by these very American things like the The Waffle House, IHOP and now.... Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles.
America is infatuated with 'n', too. I guess and is just big-city talk...putting on airs and all that ;)
Canada likes donuts. You can get a good donut anywhere...there's probably a Tim Horton's drive-through out in the tundra. But we don't really do pancakes and waffles in the same way. You won't find a big Golden Griddle out on the 401.
I mean....only in America can you find a restaurant that only serves string beans on Thursdays, and a chicken and waffle combo plate. What is it about chicken and waffles that goes together? It boggles my mind. But then again, I love cheese curds covered in gravy served over fries, so who am I to talk?
Roscoe's so traumatized me that I asked Stephen to quit hiding the morphine in his purse and hook me up with a hit. Of course, he took immediate offense to this. Which made me enjoy the joke even more. And naturally, it got expanded.
I mean, you see those hardcore moms out there on the street....pushing a stroller and carrying a diaper bag that could contain Christian Lacroix's entire fall collection, it's so damn big. And then I thought....why do babies get to be so well equipped! There should be grown-up diaper bags....only minus the diapers, because, honey, we're a ways off from that stage, knock on wood.
As many of you know, I'm a pretty high-maintenance person most of the time. If I was as super-rich and super-famous as I think I deserve to be...I'd have an entourage to make J-Lo's posse look modest and tasteful.
But since that's not happening yet, Stephen ends up shouldering most of the burden, bless his heart. I make it more than worth his while, don't you worry. I takes good care of my baby :-*
So....the list for Rufus's Diaper Bag:
juice boxes
animal cookies
morphine
a bottle of pinot grigio
mittens
thai take out menus
extra cell phone battery
strawberry chapstick
hershey's kisses
horse tranquilizers
And that was pretty good, but of course, I thought of more stuff.
cigarettes
lighter
matches
small scarf
throat lozenges
sharpie pen
super glue (for when my flip-flops break)
jelly beans
lube
Not to be outdone, Stephen countered with a third, and so far, final, list of additions.
tea bags
insulin shot
lysol
sars masks
aspirin
hand sanitizer
tin of caviar (in case of bad party)
hotel sized bottles of hand lotion
hair product (consider secondary diaper bag)
Secondary diaper bag, indeed! I think it's more like a diaper STEAMER TRUNK at this point. But man, if I could always have those things around, how great would that be?
However, in a pinch, I'll settle for mittens and some Pinot Grigio. You can always bum cigarettes off men who are suckers for a pretty face.
L.A.....El Eh....Lalalalalala....I did an in-store and boy, were the rules tough. You can only get my NEW CD autographed and no pictures with the star, darlings....I am a diva beyotch these days! Now tell me you love me!
I'm half-American, but I was mostly raised in Canada, and when I wasn't there, I was in boarding school, which, apart from the occasional thrilling trip to New York City, might as well have been located in northwest Buttfuck Nowhere, Anystate, U.S.A.
I've been living in New York for a couple of years now, but New York might as well be its own country. So, I still get amazed by these very American things like the The Waffle House, IHOP and now.... Roscoe's Chicken 'n' Waffles.
America is infatuated with 'n', too. I guess and is just big-city talk...putting on airs and all that ;)
Canada likes donuts. You can get a good donut anywhere...there's probably a Tim Horton's drive-through out in the tundra. But we don't really do pancakes and waffles in the same way. You won't find a big Golden Griddle out on the 401.
I mean....only in America can you find a restaurant that only serves string beans on Thursdays, and a chicken and waffle combo plate. What is it about chicken and waffles that goes together? It boggles my mind. But then again, I love cheese curds covered in gravy served over fries, so who am I to talk?
Roscoe's so traumatized me that I asked Stephen to quit hiding the morphine in his purse and hook me up with a hit. Of course, he took immediate offense to this. Which made me enjoy the joke even more. And naturally, it got expanded.
I mean, you see those hardcore moms out there on the street....pushing a stroller and carrying a diaper bag that could contain Christian Lacroix's entire fall collection, it's so damn big. And then I thought....why do babies get to be so well equipped! There should be grown-up diaper bags....only minus the diapers, because, honey, we're a ways off from that stage, knock on wood.
As many of you know, I'm a pretty high-maintenance person most of the time. If I was as super-rich and super-famous as I think I deserve to be...I'd have an entourage to make J-Lo's posse look modest and tasteful.
But since that's not happening yet, Stephen ends up shouldering most of the burden, bless his heart. I make it more than worth his while, don't you worry. I takes good care of my baby :-*
So....the list for Rufus's Diaper Bag:
juice boxes
animal cookies
morphine
a bottle of pinot grigio
mittens
thai take out menus
extra cell phone battery
strawberry chapstick
hershey's kisses
horse tranquilizers
And that was pretty good, but of course, I thought of more stuff.
cigarettes
lighter
matches
small scarf
throat lozenges
sharpie pen
super glue (for when my flip-flops break)
jelly beans
lube
Not to be outdone, Stephen countered with a third, and so far, final, list of additions.
tea bags
insulin shot
lysol
sars masks
aspirin
hand sanitizer
tin of caviar (in case of bad party)
hotel sized bottles of hand lotion
hair product (consider secondary diaper bag)
Secondary diaper bag, indeed! I think it's more like a diaper STEAMER TRUNK at this point. But man, if I could always have those things around, how great would that be?
However, in a pinch, I'll settle for mittens and some Pinot Grigio. You can always bum cigarettes off men who are suckers for a pretty face.
L.A.....El Eh....Lalalalalala....I did an in-store and boy, were the rules tough. You can only get my NEW CD autographed and no pictures with the star, darlings....I am a diva beyotch these days! Now tell me you love me!