(no subject)
It's been an interesting few days. Sometimes I feel like I'm looking at myself and Stephen from an outside, but knowledgable perspective. And I can talk to me and give myself advice. Poke myself in the arm and whisper, Keep pushing him, he needs to be pushed right now. Fight for this.
Or, That's enough for now. Back off and let it be. Let it happen as it will.
Or, See if he still likes you even when you drool on his shirt, accidently spit croissant crumbs over the table, whine about lost shoes and wake up with bad hair. Make sure he isn't in love with some idealized image/memory.
I hope I'm giving myself good advice. Things seem to be....kind of good right now. On the surface it's good. Which is a good place to start. There are still a lot of blanks to be filled in, and tears to be shed, no doubt. But I like this....slowness. We need it. We took off from the starting gate like a bat out of hell last time. Sometimes I'm amazed that we made it as far as we did. That fuel lasted for a hell of a long time.
The baby steps can be frustrating, but they're less scary. Last time we hurtled out of control and this time we're walking together...well, mostly together. Sometimes one of us falls behind a bit, or the other speeds up, but we fall back into step again. I'm pretty confident that we'll continue to do so.
I realize I've been pretty antisocial since my "return." I'm fairly preoccupied with getting back with Stephen and my tour. The days when I talked to so many people and actually had something to say in chat feel like a million years ago. I lost a lot of things awhile back....my lover, my trust in people and my confidence in pretty much everything except my music. I wonder how much of it I'll be able to get back.
Or, That's enough for now. Back off and let it be. Let it happen as it will.
Or, See if he still likes you even when you drool on his shirt, accidently spit croissant crumbs over the table, whine about lost shoes and wake up with bad hair. Make sure he isn't in love with some idealized image/memory.
I hope I'm giving myself good advice. Things seem to be....kind of good right now. On the surface it's good. Which is a good place to start. There are still a lot of blanks to be filled in, and tears to be shed, no doubt. But I like this....slowness. We need it. We took off from the starting gate like a bat out of hell last time. Sometimes I'm amazed that we made it as far as we did. That fuel lasted for a hell of a long time.
The baby steps can be frustrating, but they're less scary. Last time we hurtled out of control and this time we're walking together...well, mostly together. Sometimes one of us falls behind a bit, or the other speeds up, but we fall back into step again. I'm pretty confident that we'll continue to do so.
I realize I've been pretty antisocial since my "return." I'm fairly preoccupied with getting back with Stephen and my tour. The days when I talked to so many people and actually had something to say in chat feel like a million years ago. I lost a lot of things awhile back....my lover, my trust in people and my confidence in pretty much everything except my music. I wonder how much of it I'll be able to get back.