(no subject)
My birthday came and went.... no letter came, no card was sent....
My dad writes a good guilt-trip song.
My birthday came and went, but I basically ignored it. Or tried to. But I couldn't bear the thought of all the plans we made that went unfulfilled --- all because of my doing, or lack thereof. Drove to Toronto to be with Stephen.
But even then, I wasn't really there. I'm not really anywhere. I'm hurting him and I hate myself for it. I'm hurting myself and I hate myself for it.
What do you do when you have everything and still feel like there's nothing?
This is no one's fault but my own. I'm going to step back for awhile until I figure out which way is up... or out.
[I've come to a crossroads with this journal. I have a few weeks to figure out what I'm going to do, and I plan to take them. The thought of giving up is almost inconceivable, but at the moment, I'm having trouble carrying on. I'm just sorry that the Stephen-character has to suffer through my ennui. I won't leave without saying goodbye....but hopefully I won't have to. Sometimes life springs anew without warning. Take care until then, darlings. :-* ]
My dad writes a good guilt-trip song.
My birthday came and went, but I basically ignored it. Or tried to. But I couldn't bear the thought of all the plans we made that went unfulfilled --- all because of my doing, or lack thereof. Drove to Toronto to be with Stephen.
But even then, I wasn't really there. I'm not really anywhere. I'm hurting him and I hate myself for it. I'm hurting myself and I hate myself for it.
What do you do when you have everything and still feel like there's nothing?
This is no one's fault but my own. I'm going to step back for awhile until I figure out which way is up... or out.
[I've come to a crossroads with this journal. I have a few weeks to figure out what I'm going to do, and I plan to take them. The thought of giving up is almost inconceivable, but at the moment, I'm having trouble carrying on. I'm just sorry that the Stephen-character has to suffer through my ennui. I won't leave without saying goodbye....but hopefully I won't have to. Sometimes life springs anew without warning. Take care until then, darlings. :-* ]