whyyyy?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?dfjdlkafjfajda

[fa1se_x_h0pe]

so my mom called me early this morning and informed me that my dad.. needs a really complicated surgery on his footthis monday..  his whole foot reconstructed.. cant drive for 3 months.. so i have to be his show-ferr (cant spell) for the rest of my summer.. and then he will never be able to go running again.. so thats always good.. i feel horrible that i cannot be there for him.. ive never seen my dad sick.. or hurt or in any kind of pain.. to me he has always been perfect.. he was always the strong one and took such good care of me whenever i was sick or hurt.. and i cannot even be there for him.. im a horrible daughter.. arjdlfaj.. she also went on to tell me how it could be much worse.. and when i was like 'how.. he cant run' my mom started crying and went to say.. "hes so lucky breanne.. he can walk cant he.. he can move and function.. he can do things for himself.. maybe not right away but he will be able to" i didnt get what she was getting at.. then she went on to tell me that one of our really good family friends matt, is paralyzed from the neck down as of early yesterday.. hes only 18 and now he will be stuck helpless.. fjlkdfjdlkafjdfjdfjdlf i dont fucking understand it.. i always try to stay so positive but the longer im away from home.. worse things keep happening.. and then earlier today.. i made a new sn cause i was bored as hell.. and its.. LOLZ     n i said.. and the LOLZ is for the amigos.. cause its just good times.. and kara said she did get it.. so i was trying to explain it to her.. and she was like.. um thats gay.. no offense but i hate when you talk about them and going to the gay bible school and 'battle cry' or whatever.. i wanted to slap her..and i got really pissed/offended.. and she wonders why i'd rather be in armada then in shelby twp.. i fucking hatemyself..

im going to listen to my ipod until i dwell up into nothingless and can mail my self in a box..