FOUR? Those fuckers had it coming

[f_tavares]

I've always had trouble finding the right pay-by-the-hour motel but this one didn't look so bad. It was a Universal Soldier-type whorehouse, with little bungalows peppering the fenced-off area behind the main office. I didn't want to ask questions, typically one doesn't when the guy behind the counter looks like an impoverished grunt with a

Comments

[hugh_jackman]

Ungh, I'm not that appalling. Maybe next time that you come home after a prolonged absence you shouldn't get high first? I missed you.

[f_tavares]

I missed you. Who have you been fucking, then? Cillian (Scallion!) and I have been discussing this. Rather. I have been talking and Cillian has been standing near me while I run my mouth about people you're having sexual relations with. Say, Hugh Jackman. Can we talk?

I think we should talk.

[hugh_jackman]

No one, I had to masturbate for the first time in months yesterday. Scallion! Dear God! Like him? Who do you think that I am fornicating with? We are, but you have been silent for a while.

[f_tavares]

Like him. You're a fuckin' liar, as Diane Lane in Unfaithful would say. That's right, I've got a snowglobe with your name on it, son. I haven't been. You have.

[hugh_jackman]

You bitch, and you cried when I showed you the headless man. Stop that, I am bitter. You need to pick out three movies for me, pronto.

[f_tavares]

I know, and from now on I will never click another link from you. I'll stop when I damn well want to stop. I'm going to come home to stained sheets, we'll romp around in them. Okay... Let's see.

Damage, Irreversible, What's that "It puts the lotion on it's skin" movie? Silence of the Lambs?

[hugh_jackman]

Liar, you've clicked plenty of links from me. Stained? I said crusty, they were stained before I got here, strangely enough. Ahem. Perfect, just don't cut yourself.

No. We should choose something with JRM in it, just because we've run out of better options.

[f_tavares]

I've seen enough JRM movies to shake a stick at. A Clockwork Orange it is. Damage, Irreversible and A Clockwork Orange.

[hugh_jackman]

Excellent, I never quite made it through that book. I started it over a year ago but the yiddish scared me off. If we can't have JRM movies can we just have JRM himself? I hear he's not gay anymore, he needs to be soothed back into the closet.

[f_tavares]

I can't reply to these anymore without being sent into a cosmic wheezing fit. "You speak Yiddish?" "No. I can read subtitles."

[hugh_jackman]

Don't cough up a lung, love, I might have to limit you to a pack a day. O! We need to do another movie. I call X-Men.

Wolverine: *gets into a car accident, claws at a tree*
Charles Xavier: *gasps, shocked and appalled*
Jean Grey: *kills something and saves the day*

[f_tavares]

End

Next, please. Oh, I know. How about "How Hugh Jackman Was Consumed By His Jealousy and Ended Up Murdering Every Boy Fernanda Tavares Ever Spoke To, Ever."

>:0

[hugh_jackman]

Die.

Poppycock, Fernanda. You said that you probably had sex with him. I am jealous, you owe me the dignity of that at least.

[f_tavares]

Would you like me to tear out my log and show you exactly where the words "I probably had sex with him" appear? You're giving yourself ideas and they're founded on the fact that I just won't say "No, I didn't."

Of course you're jealous.