on or off the wagon? which one means im NOT drinking?
i love sunday dinners. tonight mom used grammy's deep fryer for the first time since shes had it. she fried catfish & hush puppies. & she made coleslaw & dad made his famous fried potatoes. we ate under the gazebo dad spent all week painting white. it was a nice ending to a very relaxed weekend. i spent most of the week recovering from last sunday & monday. the 2 day bender almost killed me, in more ways than one. i didnt eat & i drank too much sunday night & tried to fight anyone who looked at me sideways. woke up monday morning & was hung over, confused, a little embarrassed & still kinda drunk. i drank for breakfast, lunch, & dinner on monday & proceeded to embarrass myself even further. the injuries i sustained were minor but the damage i left in my wake was ...major. nothing irreversible but i just said a lot of hurtful things to people who did not deserve it. i woke up tuesday morning more depressed than i have been in months. the alcohol had taken its toll on me & my psyche & i began my slow recovery. apologizing to everyone just in case & drinking a lot of water. i put myself in time-out from the bar. & the days that have followed have been really good. im not anti-drinking, anti-alcohol, or anti-fun. but right now i feel its best if i dont drink, especially alone. so i will use my free (sober) time to get that job ive been talking about for a year, save money & take care of business. maybe. err, i need more confidence huh?