I'm shaking

[f_ll_nth_bl_nks]

I think I'm realizing something about myself. For the past three months or so, I went numb. I ignored the emotions that are my biggest vulnerabilities. And I think I just lost that numbness so quickly that these feelings are nearly overbearing. I was caught completely off-guard. I mean... I haven't felt that whole light-headed, confusing butterflies in the stomach thing in ages. A tiny bit here and there that I manage to suppress before they affect me. This time it just slipped through. And I'm still not sure if I can clearly identify the source. It hit when I passed through my 3EB and "Anything" flicked on. I haven't heard that song since November, and it was on for a few seconds before I could pull my iPod out and change it. That mixed in with the things I've been running through my head all weekend.. and I actually felt.

So have I really been this numb this whole time, or did I just hit something deeper that I couldn't control as easily. I still haven't had a bad day... not in months. The last day I remember crying was during Grey's Anatomy back in January... aside from crying when Ray died St. Patty's weekend. I'm happy with my life, and for once I feel like I'm not just trying to fool myself and my friends. Except this little glitch. Something in the air just feels different to me right now. It's like, I breathe in and I just feel different.

I did eat too much Easter candy, though.

And I am happy. I've got some awesome friends, some adorable roommates, and I'm a Spartan. I finally fit someplace. I am home. Sigh :)