make up your mind
Haha I'm laughing out loud, but that's another story.
College is going AMAZINGLY well. I haven't been this happy in an extremely long time. It's weird, because whenever I try to think back on when I was happy or wasn't, I immediately tie that in with whichever guy I had feelings for or not and how well that all was going. Why is it that I base my happiness off of the short-lived "romantic" experiences I have?? I wonder, is anyone else that way?
And realizing that, it kind of makes me wonder, also... am I just that lonely or dependant that I can't find happiness unless I have a guy at my side to hold me and pull me through the rough times? Last term I was simply miserable... I was crazily in love, but I wasn't happy at all. I think each person's perception of what a relationship SHOULD be is entirely different from the next person. Hollie and I always talk about the fact that in every relationship, there is always the one person who cares more than the other. It's hard to tell which was which in my case... the love was there, but is that enough? I don't think so. I'm not sure how much I miss Dave. It's been about 3 months since I've seen him, 2 months since I've talked to him... I used to get so upset, even at the mere mention of his name. Slowly, things changed... Hollie ripped up the picture of us that she found in my desk, I trashed the CD he made me, I put him back on my buddy list but rarely check his away message... why bother, I'm not a part of his life anymore. I haven't been a part of his life since awhile before we broke up, really. And I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that his perception of the ideal relationship was different from mine. I used to think that I was weak because of this, but it's really just that we had different views of how things should be. And that's okay. Maybe I am a little weak. I think I miss the idea of him more than anything... which is the exact same shit I pulled with Andy, which took me fuckin' three years to realize, I think.
So, when Hollie said that she felt like most of the reason she wanted to be with Von was just because she was lonely and wanted attention, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I don't NEED anyone to make me happy. I WANT someone. And until I find the person that I truly WANT, I'm completely fine with being single. My "old" self might have looked at how I am now and thought it impossible to be happy and single. I have an AMAZING group of friends here. Hollie, Kaitlynn, Erica, James, Greg, Jordan, Tyler, Megan, Emily, Joe, Andrew... what else do I need?!
A lot of people crash and burn in college. I crashed and picked my ass off the ground, dusted myself off and started over new. I couldn't feel more fortunate than I feel now.
Time for dinner at the Hub with my girls! :)
College is going AMAZINGLY well. I haven't been this happy in an extremely long time. It's weird, because whenever I try to think back on when I was happy or wasn't, I immediately tie that in with whichever guy I had feelings for or not and how well that all was going. Why is it that I base my happiness off of the short-lived "romantic" experiences I have?? I wonder, is anyone else that way?
And realizing that, it kind of makes me wonder, also... am I just that lonely or dependant that I can't find happiness unless I have a guy at my side to hold me and pull me through the rough times? Last term I was simply miserable... I was crazily in love, but I wasn't happy at all. I think each person's perception of what a relationship SHOULD be is entirely different from the next person. Hollie and I always talk about the fact that in every relationship, there is always the one person who cares more than the other. It's hard to tell which was which in my case... the love was there, but is that enough? I don't think so. I'm not sure how much I miss Dave. It's been about 3 months since I've seen him, 2 months since I've talked to him... I used to get so upset, even at the mere mention of his name. Slowly, things changed... Hollie ripped up the picture of us that she found in my desk, I trashed the CD he made me, I put him back on my buddy list but rarely check his away message... why bother, I'm not a part of his life anymore. I haven't been a part of his life since awhile before we broke up, really. And I guess I'm coming to terms with the fact that his perception of the ideal relationship was different from mine. I used to think that I was weak because of this, but it's really just that we had different views of how things should be. And that's okay. Maybe I am a little weak. I think I miss the idea of him more than anything... which is the exact same shit I pulled with Andy, which took me fuckin' three years to realize, I think.
So, when Hollie said that she felt like most of the reason she wanted to be with Von was just because she was lonely and wanted attention, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I don't NEED anyone to make me happy. I WANT someone. And until I find the person that I truly WANT, I'm completely fine with being single. My "old" self might have looked at how I am now and thought it impossible to be happy and single. I have an AMAZING group of friends here. Hollie, Kaitlynn, Erica, James, Greg, Jordan, Tyler, Megan, Emily, Joe, Andrew... what else do I need?!
A lot of people crash and burn in college. I crashed and picked my ass off the ground, dusted myself off and started over new. I couldn't feel more fortunate than I feel now.
Time for dinner at the Hub with my girls! :)