[Restored Post] Stone the Crows
[Originally posted by draycevixen ]
draycevixen wrote in f_for_fanfic
@ 03/07/2007 15:40:00
Lost -- one thumb drive with the steaming pile of... story I wrote last night out of sheer desperation for the anti-cliché challenge. I think I dropped it in the middle of campus... Gah!
So, sorry, but here's a fresh steaming pile of... story I wrote on a break between afternoon meetings. Sorry again, but I'm just trying to ward off Mad Oom Disease...
I look forward to reading the locked stories (hope there are some) if I ever make it home tonight.
V loomed up suddenly out of the shadows to stand menacingly over the last fingerman left alive.
“Jesus Christ, mercy,” the fingerman cowered away, trying to shield his head with his arms.
“What a load of old cobblers. You was well up for some aggro. A Chelsea smile’ll suit you,” V muttered as he finished the man off.
With a sweep of his cape, V turned to face Evey who was scrambling to pick up her mace.
“’Allo darlin’. What the bloody ‘ell are you doin’? Mace? I just killed all these geezers for you!”
“Who are you?” Evey cowered away a little further.
“Stupid bint, ask me another one. I’ve got a bloody mask on.”
“I can see that.”
“Course you can. Nothin’ wrong wif your mince pies, just thick as two short planks.” V’s gloved hands rose slowly to point at his head. “Oim… wearin’… a… mask.”
“Oh, Right.” Evey turned her head, embarrassed.
“Now, now darlin’, don’t take it so ‘ard. Can’t give you me Clark Kent is all I’m sayin’.” V shook his head. “I’ve bin workin’ on somefink to clean up me accent. I’m goin’ on the telly soon. Try this on for size.” V clutched one hand to his forehead and gestured wildly with the other. “Voi-la. In view an ‘umble vaud-villan vet-run carst vic-Arously …”
“Please stop, for God’s sake.” Evey begged.
“I’m runnin’ me mouth again, ain’t I? You can call me Vince.”
“Are you like a crazy person?”
“You takin’ the piss? I ‘ear enuf of that from the likes of them shit for brains.” V gestured over his shoulder at the dead fingermen.
“I’m Evey.”
“Well bugger me. Course you are. E-V. ‘Im upstairs ‘as a right set on ‘im. Are you ‘urt, Evey?”
“No I’m fine thanks to you.”
“Nuffink to it darlin’. You like music Evey?”
“I suppose.”
“I’m a bit of a long ‘air meself.”
“What kind of musician?”
“Drums, spoons, you name it. Want ta come an’ ‘ear me show?”
“I don’t think so I think I should be getting home.”
“Come on luv, I’d be chuffed. Billy no mates, me. It’ll be the dog’s bollocks. I’ll see you ‘ome safe later.”
“Alright,” Evey smiled nervously at V.
“Cushty.”
“It’s beautiful up here,” Evey gazed across the roof tops toward the Old Bailey.
“Bloody marvelous, on a clear night you can see clean to Brixton.”
“I don’t see any instruments.”
“No puttin’ one past you, is there? What’s the date Evey?”
“Um… November 4.”
“No, it ain’t. Not anymore. ‘Ear the clock? It’s the fifth…. An’ ‘ere it comes…” V started to conduct an invisible orchestra.
“I can hear it. How do you do that?”
“Wait, ‘ere’s where they start singin’.”
“What in hell’s name is that caterwauling?” Evey asked with a look of horror.
“Ian Dury and the Blockheads, luv. Before it all went tits up and pear shaped they was banned. They was London’s greatest poets. Bloody brilliant, ain’t it?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcpP8nr152k
(With sincerest apologies to my Cockney compatriots.)
vveritasv
03/07/2007 15:22:16 *squeals* 'strewth! Oh, Drayce, this is so fuuny, and to think, because of your tuteledge a couple weeks back, I actually UNDERSTOOD what was being said! hahahhahahhaha. Truly, it is the dog's bollocks.
draycevixen
03/07/2007 15:54:40 On another break between meetings... sigh! So looking forward to getting home and reading some locked stuff tonight...
>>Truly, it is the dog's bollocks.<< Easily the finest compliment ever paid to something I've written LOL.
I thought you were one of the few Gallery denizens who'd be able to follow this -- Congratulations! You just passed your second "Cockney as a second language" test!
I could have softened it to make it easier to comprehend for non-Cockneys, but that wouldn't have been any fun and I was doing this really fast. I included the Youtube link assuming 99.9% of the denizens wouldn't have a clue who the Blockheads were.
kryss_labryn
03/08/2007 16:28:28 LOL Thanks for the link! Got the Cockney, but hadn't heard of the band. Hee!
...Hey, is it just me, or does the bassist look like Tim Curry's hiding out in Brixton? LOL... Hee!
...I wonder if I can follow it because I'm Canadian, or because I'm half English? 'Cause I haven't really been consciously exposed to that much of it...
Here's a test for you all: If you can understand the following paragraph, you're Canadian! Eh? ;-)
"Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Stupid chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a toque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything..."
draycevixen
03/08/2007 18:32:52 LOL
Hmmm... I'd have to say I get about 40% of this literally, but certainly the gist of this sad little inebriated tale.
kryss_labryn
03/10/2007 20:42:49 Hee hee hee! A translation is available here. LOL
kryss_labryn
03/10/2007 20:44:31 Hee hee hee! A translation is available here. LOL
Well, more of a glossary of terms. ;-)
ccb_love
03/07/2007 15:31:10 One of my English friends watched VfV with me and this is basically a narration of her opinion.
I found myself reading it aloud trying to read it how its written. My roomie informs me I should NEVER ever again try to have an English accent.
We're all the way up to Mad Oom Disease? YES! Fear me! No longer are the days of Mad Cow or Dyslexic Woc....a new breed is amongst us...the Mad Oom's! Muahahaha!
Write more. Post smut. Obey me or I'll bite...*waggles eyebrows*
ccb_love
03/07/2007 15:32:42 Oh, by the way..."Your outfit, your highness, is the dogs bollocks."
draycevixen
03/07/2007 16:01:30 If you need a pronunciation guide, check out the Blockheads video...
All I did was literally translate V's parts of their opening conversation into Cockney, using a Cockney's perception of the sub-text *snerkle*
Mad Oom's can wiggle their eyebrows? Wow! I am working on the smut, I promise. It just keeps coming out too funny or too dark... ack! Veri's threatened to wallop me and Inns has started to make threatening noises too LOL Hmmm... Did you already infect them with MOD? OMG! They *are* MODS!
ccb_love
03/07/2007 16:12:57 What can I say? I start my infiltration right at the very top. It seems as though I have converted someone else to the dark side as well...
draycevixen
03/07/2007 18:46:06 ROTFLMAO!
Oom
mercurylass
03/08/2007 15:47:54 Beg your pardon, is it rude to ask, what is Oom? Hopefully, I am speaking for many new members. Alas, maybe I am the only one in the dark.
Re: Oom
draycevixen
03/08/2007 18:38:32 CCB_Love *is* Oom. Sorry -- some of us know each other by other names (remember me asking you if we should call you mercurylass or something else?) In a prior incarnation, her original icon was the little cow you see a few postings above this one, sans V mask and painted V. It used to just say dyslexic cow next to the "Oom!" I took to calling her Oom and it just kind of stuck... hence all the jokes about Mad Oom disease, Mad Woc disease, etc., etc.
Pretty much never rude to ask anything around here!
Re: Oom
ccb_love
03/08/2007 21:00:41 Ah ha. I see DV beat me to it. This is the icon she's talking about.
I ended up as Oom when we first started the new chat room. I had had a different journal name up until that point and no one really new me as CCB_Love yet, so I was a bit unsure of what name I should use for the chat session. I went back and forth a few times. I think it was Pink who suggested Dyslexic Cow because of the icon I always use, and then someone ( was it really you DV? I didn't remember that!) suggested I just go with Oom. It stuck and I ran with it ( my V Oom icons and Mad Oom Disease.
Re: Oom
draycevixen
03/08/2007 21:31:08 Yep, that's it -- Pinki suggested Dyslexic cow, and I started calling you Oom... another Cockney characteristic, oddly enough. Eveyone we know acquires a "shorter" alias sooner or later, it's just a matter of time. My first name was cut down to one syllable all the days of my childhood until we moved out to the country.
Re: Oom
ccb_love
03/08/2007 21:56:33 I know all about that shortening. In my neck of the woods we all had shortened versions of our names. My mother Margaret was Mar or sometimes Marge, my father, Eric was C ( in grade school there was Eric and Erik), my sister, Kathleen is Kate, John is Jo and myself, Sarah, is Sar...because don't you know that last 'a' is a taxing noise to make!
ccb_love
03/08/2007 21:58:38 Holy bad grammar, Batman!
*twitches at entire comment*
Re: Oom
ccb_love
03/08/2007 20:57:16 *raises hand* Thats me! Thats me!
I am OOM! hehe
I'm also a tad crazy...so don't mind me...
miss_pinki
03/07/2007 15:34:12 That was amazingly hilarious!! Now was this Vinnie Jones you were characterizing?? Super funny Drayce! I will have to check the video out when I get home.
draycevixen
03/07/2007 16:03:07 Thanks for the lovely compliment Pink. I wasn't actually thinking of Vinnie, although that is the right accent. Well spotted! I was just trying to think of a typical Cockney name that would work with V -- it had to be Vince.
winterlion
03/07/2007 16:26:46 I've read this easily a half dozen times and can't stop laughin'
(I'd crack a cockney answer 'xcept ... well I can UNDERSTAND it but don't speak it worth a drab)
It reminds me of a very, very dear cockney friend. (
kryss_labryn would know who). For that too, Wow!
Also... I can imagine this being subtitled onto the film. That would be right funny :)
PUNK ROCK! (why we all here, ain't it? *grin*)
draycevixen
03/07/2007 18:56:14 Wow... a half dozen times? To play fast and loose with Jane Eyre, "you must be tenacious of life" LOL
Au-thentic wots I am... Say 'ello to yer mate for me. It is only recently that I've attempted to *write* a Cockney accent. I was trying to aide and abet the lovely Veritas with a story she was working on in a different fandom. You should check it out if you like Hellblazer at all.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3404554/1/
The educational process removed most of my Cockney accent, although it shows up without fail when I'm mad, sad, tired, ill... or in Brixton!
Thank you for reviewing...and enjoying. AND YES! Punk *is* why I'm here... I wanted to post "Clever Trevor" by them (also to be seen on youtube) but didn't think I could post the link on an unlocked post *cough*
winterlion
03/08/2007 17:38:41 I enjoy reading this style. And I'm at the office so plenty of time :) (I'm EFFICIENT)
Oh that's a fun story too :)
_youngblood_
03/07/2007 16:34:08 Oh, God... Cockney. The strange thing is: I was able to follow it all the way through.
draycevixen
03/07/2007 18:59:36 We have made many in-roads into world culture *cough*
It probably helped that you are all so familiar with this first scene between V and Evey. You knew the "text" I was translating from LOL
innsmouth_eyes
03/07/2007 16:48:18 Heehee! I tried reading it out loud, I was only partially successful, but it was fun.
>“Voi-la. In view an ‘umble vaud-villan vet-run carst vic-Arously …”
>
>“Please stop, for God’s sake.” Evey begged.
That made me laugh loudly. How painful...
draycevixen
03/07/2007 19:03:04 Thanks... I meant it to be painful LOL
All I could think of was Eliza Doolittle butchering her speech exercises in "My Fair Lady"
"In 'Artford, 'Ereford and 'Ampshire, 'urricaines 'ardly Hever 'appen."
and that Cockney V might well be practicing for his first telly appearance.
mercurylass
03/08/2007 01:27:17 *cough* Excuse me, may I request a tranlator? Perhaps a linguist?
Don't even go there.
I had to read it three times cause I'm SLOW. What is cushty and can you get it from a toilet seat?
I'm with Evey and they're right. If you read it out loud, it is even funnier!
draycevixen
03/08/2007 13:07:52 Cushty = A satisfactory arrangement has been reached. Oddly enough, Cockneys adopted a lot of variants of the Hindustani words that Victorian troops brought back with them from India to London. Another one is Shufti = To take a look around, to scope something out.
Cockney also makes delightful *cough* use of the modifier. Thus Bollocks, not a good thing... well at least in speech *cough* while The Dog's Bollocks means something is the ultimate/exceptional.
'Cuse me, Oim soundin' like a complete anorak 'ere! ;-)
As for Evey... Cockney men have an ingrained charm that more than makes up for their being linguistically challenged... and I love our rich lexicon ;-)
mercurylass
03/08/2007 15:44:58 Thank you very much miss vixen.
I am fascinated with word origins. I had no earthly idea that the word "guy" came from Guy Fawkes. If not for my favorite movie, I might still be in the dark...thank goodness for Google and Wikipedia (and vixen.com). Now I am enlightened as to the finer points of bollocks as well. This I know will come in handy. I knew there was a reason besides *cough* and *whistle* that I de-lurked.
Before I Google, did someone say there was a good site for Cockney translations?
Was Cary Grant Cockney before he was Cary?
Just between us girls, I was thinking about "Vile" as well when Evey mentioned those sounds...meow.
draycevixen
03/08/2007 18:49:54 Cary Grant's actually from my Mum's neck of the woods. Bristol, in the West Country. He's part of the Budding family -- one of the Buddings invented the lawn mower. His real name is (painfully) Archie Leach... A rose by any other name indeed. In one of his appearances in a Hitchcock film he is reading a newspaper where the headline is "Archie Leach executed." LOL
There are lots of iffy sites for Cockney translations. I think all the conversations above concern my posting of the Blockheads from Youtube. If you Google Cockney, you tend to get sites full of archaic rhyming slang, that no Londoner really uses any more, unless it's to amuse the tourists... *not* fast enough. The odd phrases that still remain have been edited down. Thus your hair cut is a barnett, edited down from Barnett Fair (hair).
I still think Vile was brilliant, but I think it didn't play well for lots of the denizens, too dark.
v_for_vincent
03/08/2007 06:05:52 “I’m a bit of a long ‘air meself.”
Now I know, I'm going to die laughing.
draycevixen
03/08/2007 13:10:25 If I have managed to amuse you I am content. Any time anyone laughs the world is a better place.
I hope to die laughing... literally!
pelaithaliel
03/08/2007 20:45:14 *snicker* Lovely, lovely, lovely Drayce. Coarse!V is always so amusing. Thanks for the laugh!
ccb_love
03/08/2007 21:03:17 Aren't these icons fun? I know Ann has a lovely one as well. I think we should all get one! hehe
ccb_love
03/08/2007 21:05:00 It would eliminate a lot of confusion too. Just above this someone was confused about what Oom was.
I just very recently realized that YOU were Vean. I was very confused because I heard reference to you a lot, but never saw anyone named Vean. Realizing it was you cleared many things up.
draycevixen
03/08/2007 21:34:56 Thanks for reading Vean... and for finding it in your heart to be amused!
I really wasn't sure how well Cockney would play here. Thanks again.
acforvendetta
03/11/2007 08:59:17 This must be my lucky morning - first Pink's contribution and now this one ... lol
You got me laughing outloud again - that and the coffee works wonders.
“Bloody marvelous, on a clear night you can see clean to Brixton.”
This just struck me as the funniest ... lol
THANKS
draycevixen
03/11/2007 10:41:40 Thanks for reading AC... and thanks for being the one that got the Brixton joke, the joke that most delighted me!
I wrote this as a quick 20 minute throwaway, but I think the denizens enjoyed it more than the story I originally intended to post and did post after finding my thumb drive again. You never can predict audience... I didn't think they'd get this one at all...
acforvendetta
03/13/2007 23:31:41 I have a great fondness for Brixton - well, the Victoria line that travels that way - but I always jump off at Pimplico. lol
I'm glad you found your thumb drive - a friend of mine is always misplacing hers. I hate to think that we almost lost Brixton and Eric!