(no subject)
Man I wish these mood swings would just stop already. I just want to be happy, a consistent happy. There's always bad things out of the good, like Adrian being with me tonight but he just left and I felt really sad and got that knot in my throat, because I just wanted to spend more time with him. It kind of scares me how much I'm getting attached to him, but I can't help it because he makes me see things I never would of, like turning perspectives at different angles I didn't know that were there. He's always trying to make me happy, I just hope I make him happy the same measurement or more. He puts up with a lot of my shit, and I feel really special to have him because I know that's rare in a guy. I guess I'm just worried about losing him to another stupid fight or something that or because recently I've been a trainwreck: happy one moment, sad the next, frustrated etc. and I'm just not steady whatsoever, and I feel like I'm a burden on him and Ashley. It just makes me wonder how much they're going to take it. They can say forever, but if you stick with me that long you might change your mind. None of this worrying does any good...I feel loserish, that I fall asleep so dam early, making me miss out on stuff, and that I don't get invited to any parties or know offhand where some are at. Dam why does it sound to me like a pity party? I don't think it is, but then again I'm here home alone on Prom night.