all you'll get is this curse on your lips, i hope they taste like me forever.
wow. so i bascially haven't written at all since before the start of senior year. It's weird to look back at this. for so long it was a safe haven. well the conclusion of my senior year is drawing near. doubts about college and the "future"[a word i have seriously grown to despise] have set in. what kind of person thought it was a good idea to let the young and impressionable minds of 18 year olds decide the rest of their life? what does an 18 year old know about anything? let alone life in the so called "real world"? how can you know what you want to do with the rest of your life, while you're still so young? this sounds like a typical teenage response, but i KNOW i want my life to be about music. some how or another. nothing makes me happier then just writing and listening to music, whether it be punk or even country. just the music atmosphere makes me feel at ease. it's weird to think that music has taken over as my safe haven as opposed to writing. obviously writing still holds an immense part of my life, but i feel as if my writing skills are faulting. it scares me to think of that. scares me to think that the thing i hold onto so tightly could be slipping through the cracks. a change of topic again. i've been looking back at how much i've transformed in the past four years. in most aspects i'm still the same person i was the beginning of freshman year, i'm unbelievably stubborn, i'm blunt enough to be called a bitch on a regular basis, but i've never been so comfortable in my skin before. it's wierd to think that just the way you dress can seriously have that affect on a person. but it truly does, i feel better about myself then i have for the past, well ever. i've also realized that i can actually be an independent person. for the longest time i depended on others to make me feel comfortable in a crowd, and i'm beginning to do it myself. i'm beginning to feel more at home with myself then i honestly ever thought was possible. Me and bri are both attending U of A in the fall. i'm excited college with her will be amazing. we've been through a lot the past 3 years, but i've never felt so close to a person in my life. she is probably the only person who will fully understand me. i suppose this is a long enough entry for now. i think i'm going to start using this once again, it gives me a sense of composure.