truer words have never been spoken ♥
its been a while since the last update but life is overwhelming. this won't even be a legit update but i wanted to share something that i read about turning twenty. my birthday is in 14 days and then ill be twenty too. not sure how happy i am about that. but the following is exactly how i feel. enjoy :)
"Yesterday I turned 20.
I'm turning that number over in my head, trying to grasp the significance of it: no longer a teenager, not quite an adult. I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, but I can definitely sense a difference between this birthday and last year's. I'm a little more independent, a little less self-conscious, a lot more focused on my future.
Somehow breaking out of the teenage years and into a whole new age bracket -- the "20s" -- has made me feel as though I'm suddenly supposed to know, with absolute certainty, who I am and where I'm going.
I know, of course, that this thought is ridiculous. At the age of 20, I have barely begun to experience life. I have plenty of time to discover more about myself, my dreams and my ultimate goals.
But sometimes it doesn't feel that way. High school doesn't seem so far away, but at the same time a nagging voice in the back of my head tells me that graduate school and the "real world" are just around the corner. In two weeks, I will be halfway done with my college career -- halfway between childhood and the beginning of my adult life.
For now, I reside somewhere in between the two, able to make my own decisions and manage my personal life, but still dependent on others -- namely, my parents -- for support.
It is like a double life, this pull towards two different age groups. But in a way, I kind of like that feeling. It's nice to be old enough to have adults take me seriously, to put forth ideas and have others actually consider my opinions. It's sort of fun to spend my own money, feeling like I am breaking away from a lifelong dependence on my parents and taking responsibility for myself. I like setting my own schedule, making my own choices, wearing business suits on the way to interviews or important meetings.
But I can still pass for a kid. I love running outside with a Frisbee and a group of friends; laying out in the sun with my roommate and cheap fashion magazines; going to Durham Bulls baseball games with a worn-in mitt and a huge smile, ready for the pop-up into left field, the din of the stadium, the smell of the hot dog stand. I still call my mom almost every day, just to talk about school and boys and life and home. I have yet to master the art of wearing stiletto heels, always feeling a little bit like a young girl playing dress-up when I step -- okay, wobble -- into the hallway and down the stairs. I like watching Disney movies, getting sticky from the drip of cold ice cream on a hot summer day, running around in the grass barefoot and squealing as the mud sinks into my toes.
I don't completely want to be a member of either age group quite yet. I'd like to enjoy this time while it lasts -- still young enough to talk about what I want to do "when I grow up," and just old enough that planning for a career is realistic. It won't last forever, this duality, but I'm not rushing it. As much as I have always said that I couldn't wait to be independent, to be an adult, I'm content to be in-between.
For now, I'll be the 20-year-old in a business suit -- pants rolled up to my ankles and sandals for shoes as I walk home from an internship barefoot, enjoying the feel of the sun warming the pavement, loving the liberation of my feet from their high heels, and secure in the knowledge that at my apartment waits a pint of Ben & Jerry's and five 20-year-old roommates who can't wait to get outside and enjoy the last few hours of sun."
my feelings all summed up almost perfectly :) real update on mi life coming soon. in the meanwhile i hope everyone is doing okay!
♥
"Yesterday I turned 20.
I'm turning that number over in my head, trying to grasp the significance of it: no longer a teenager, not quite an adult. I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, but I can definitely sense a difference between this birthday and last year's. I'm a little more independent, a little less self-conscious, a lot more focused on my future.
Somehow breaking out of the teenage years and into a whole new age bracket -- the "20s" -- has made me feel as though I'm suddenly supposed to know, with absolute certainty, who I am and where I'm going.
I know, of course, that this thought is ridiculous. At the age of 20, I have barely begun to experience life. I have plenty of time to discover more about myself, my dreams and my ultimate goals.
But sometimes it doesn't feel that way. High school doesn't seem so far away, but at the same time a nagging voice in the back of my head tells me that graduate school and the "real world" are just around the corner. In two weeks, I will be halfway done with my college career -- halfway between childhood and the beginning of my adult life.
For now, I reside somewhere in between the two, able to make my own decisions and manage my personal life, but still dependent on others -- namely, my parents -- for support.
It is like a double life, this pull towards two different age groups. But in a way, I kind of like that feeling. It's nice to be old enough to have adults take me seriously, to put forth ideas and have others actually consider my opinions. It's sort of fun to spend my own money, feeling like I am breaking away from a lifelong dependence on my parents and taking responsibility for myself. I like setting my own schedule, making my own choices, wearing business suits on the way to interviews or important meetings.
But I can still pass for a kid. I love running outside with a Frisbee and a group of friends; laying out in the sun with my roommate and cheap fashion magazines; going to Durham Bulls baseball games with a worn-in mitt and a huge smile, ready for the pop-up into left field, the din of the stadium, the smell of the hot dog stand. I still call my mom almost every day, just to talk about school and boys and life and home. I have yet to master the art of wearing stiletto heels, always feeling a little bit like a young girl playing dress-up when I step -- okay, wobble -- into the hallway and down the stairs. I like watching Disney movies, getting sticky from the drip of cold ice cream on a hot summer day, running around in the grass barefoot and squealing as the mud sinks into my toes.
I don't completely want to be a member of either age group quite yet. I'd like to enjoy this time while it lasts -- still young enough to talk about what I want to do "when I grow up," and just old enough that planning for a career is realistic. It won't last forever, this duality, but I'm not rushing it. As much as I have always said that I couldn't wait to be independent, to be an adult, I'm content to be in-between.
For now, I'll be the 20-year-old in a business suit -- pants rolled up to my ankles and sandals for shoes as I walk home from an internship barefoot, enjoying the feel of the sun warming the pavement, loving the liberation of my feet from their high heels, and secure in the knowledge that at my apartment waits a pint of Ben & Jerry's and five 20-year-old roommates who can't wait to get outside and enjoy the last few hours of sun."
my feelings all summed up almost perfectly :) real update on mi life coming soon. in the meanwhile i hope everyone is doing okay!
♥