reappearance for theatrical_muse
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
I see a young girl, barely a woman, with blue eyes and dark hair and spots. I see an old, grey-haired man. I see a blonde woman. I see a pilot. I see a gymnast. I see a dreamer and a politician and a scientist.
Sometimes I wish I could just see a counsellor.
I see centuries of wisdom side by side with only just two decades of first-hand experience.
I see confusion and certainty, happiness and angst. I see laughter and tears.
I see a paradox.
The paradox looks back at me through blue eyes that I don't know anymore. Maybe I never will again.
Some days I wake up and wonder. I hear Julian sleeping next to me, I hear the soothing beeps of the station computer, that's become so familiar to me--not just as Jadzia but as Ezri too. I get up and look in the mirror and wonder.
I wonder about Brinner and the Destiny and my destiny. Colonel Kira would say that this is where I am meant to be, but I don't know if I agree with her. I never believed in fate or God or the Prophets or anything. Maybe I'm starting to, because I want to have someone to blame.
To blame? To thank? To feel superior of, or inferior to? To hate? To rebel against?
And then when I look in the mirror sometimes, I don't see myself at all. No part of me is there; it's just Dax, and all that is Dax, and Ezri doesn't matter. Oh, her? She's just some accident, a mistake in the illustrious line of qualified hosts. We don't think about her.
We don't think about her....
But they can't ignore me forever. And one day, they'll hear my voice and they'll remember me, like Joran, like so many others. And Ezri Tigan is part of Dax now. Whether either of us likes it or not. When future Daxes look in the mirror, they will see me.
I might as well make the best of it.
I see a young girl, barely a woman, with blue eyes and dark hair and spots. I see an old, grey-haired man. I see a blonde woman. I see a pilot. I see a gymnast. I see a dreamer and a politician and a scientist.
Sometimes I wish I could just see a counsellor.
I see centuries of wisdom side by side with only just two decades of first-hand experience.
I see confusion and certainty, happiness and angst. I see laughter and tears.
I see a paradox.
The paradox looks back at me through blue eyes that I don't know anymore. Maybe I never will again.
Some days I wake up and wonder. I hear Julian sleeping next to me, I hear the soothing beeps of the station computer, that's become so familiar to me--not just as Jadzia but as Ezri too. I get up and look in the mirror and wonder.
I wonder about Brinner and the Destiny and my destiny. Colonel Kira would say that this is where I am meant to be, but I don't know if I agree with her. I never believed in fate or God or the Prophets or anything. Maybe I'm starting to, because I want to have someone to blame.
To blame? To thank? To feel superior of, or inferior to? To hate? To rebel against?
And then when I look in the mirror sometimes, I don't see myself at all. No part of me is there; it's just Dax, and all that is Dax, and Ezri doesn't matter. Oh, her? She's just some accident, a mistake in the illustrious line of qualified hosts. We don't think about her.
We don't think about her....
But they can't ignore me forever. And one day, they'll hear my voice and they'll remember me, like Joran, like so many others. And Ezri Tigan is part of Dax now. Whether either of us likes it or not. When future Daxes look in the mirror, they will see me.
I might as well make the best of it.