stole this from someone else... "scarletavatar" (that random journal button rocks!!)
A COUPLE OF THINGS TO DO AT McDONALDS
When going through the drive thru, change your order everytime they repeat it.
Order a burger with no bun but with extra ketchup.
Order something and when they turn around walk away, then come back five minutes later and do the same thing again.
Park just the right amount of space away from the drive thru window so that they can't reach you.
THINGS TO DO IN A FINAL EXAM
Bring a pillow and fall asleep.
Read all the questions out loud and then debate the answers with yourself out loud.
Bring a GameBoy and play with the volume at max.
Do the exam in crayon.
Come to the exam in slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head and nothing else.
As soon as you get the exam paper, eat it!.
Every five minutes stand up, collect all your things, move to another table and carry on with the exam.
Every twenty minutes stand up, throw the paper on the floor, shout "FUCK THIS!!", pick the paper up again and carry on with the exam.
Laugh out loud at all the questions.
Start a brawl half way through.
Come in wearing a full knight outfit, with sword and shield.
During the exam take everything around you apart eg = chairs, desks basically anything you can get hold of.
Get deliveries of flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc.... sent to you throughout the exam.
Make your mobile phone ring every five minutes.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
THINGS TO SAY AND DO IF YOU'RE PULLED OVER BY THE COPS
Can you hand me your gun?.
Care for a doughnut?.
Whatever you do, don't search my trunk!.
There's no blood in my alcohol!.
Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Pretend you're gay and ask him out.
When he says no, cry.
Touch him.
After you sign the ticket and give it back to him say "Oops!, that's the wrong name!".
Act like you're a retard.
Talk to your hand.
Try to sell him your car.
Ask if you can buy his car.
(after receiving a ticket) Thanks a lot, Officer Fuckhead!.
Say "Bet you can't keep up with me now you're on foot!" and drive away.
Hey! That's my beer!!.
Bad cop! No doughnut!!.
Is it true that people become cops cause they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?.
When he talks to you, pretend you're deaf.
Turn your head and whistle.
THINGS TO DO TO RELIEVE STRESS
Use your Mastercard to pay off your Visa and vice-versa.
When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of 'Things To Do' that you've already done.
Fill in your tax forms in Roman Numerals.
Tattoo 'OUT TO LUNCH!' on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Drive to work in reverse.
Polish your car with ear wax.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for hidden messages.
Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognise it when it comes back to you.
Make up a language and ask for directions in it.
THINGS TO DO IN SCHOOL
Set the fire alarm off and run through the school yelling and screaming at the top of your voice.
In assembly when it's all quiet stand up and yell "What the hell am I doing here?" and walk out.
Answer every question with the words = Cheese & onion.
Ask to go to the toilet every five minutes.
When a teacher tells you off start crying.
Laugh at everything anyone says.
Join in with other peoples conversations, if they tell you to go away have a go at them for changing the subject.
Write everything with your none-writing hand.
If playing football run away screaming whenever the ball comes your way.
Hand homework into the wrong lessons.
If running in an event on sports day, run the other way.
Fart and blame the teacher.
In detention ask if you can go home every two minutes.
Wear all your clothes backwards.
THINGS TO DO IN AND ELEVATOR
Make race car noises whenever people get on or off.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, Dammit, all of you just shut UP!!".
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall without getting off.
When arriving at your floor grunt and strain to get the doors open then act emarrassed when they open by themselves.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while then announce = I'm wearing new socks!.
Meow occasionally.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
THINGS TO DO WHEN ORDERING A PIZZA
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with "We never had this conversation".
Answer their question with a question.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing your order to the tune of your favourite song off Metallica's 'Master Of Puppets' CD.
Don't name the toppings you want, spell them out.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
say hello, act confused for a few seconds, then behave as if they phoned you.
Change your accent every three seconds.
Ask if you get to keep the box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Order just the box.
Imitate the order takers voice.
Order a slick, not a whole pizza.
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, phone them and ask again.
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself and say "Where was I?, Who are you?".
THINGS TO DO IN A PUB
Order a drink and pay with Monopoly money.
Throw the beer mats at the bartender.
Go into the toilets of the opposite sex and piss in the sink.
If there's a disco on dance when there's no music on and don't when there is.
If singing Karaoke sing the lyrics to a completely different song to the one that's playing.
Sit at a table and shout "WAITER!".
If there's sport on the TV and it's a repeat, spoil it for those who don't know by shouting out the results.
Stand at the bar and order nothing.
Ask if anyone wants to play hide and seek.
If some people are playing cards look at someones cards and shout out loud what cards they have.
Ask someone for change for a penny.
Order a drink and when they give it you change your order.
Order enough stuff so it comes to over ten pound, give the bartender a fiver, tell him to keep the change and walk off.
Wait for people to stand up and take their chair.
Chat up someone of the opposite sex with a burp and a fart.
Ask the bartender where the closest pub is.
Pick a fight with the door.
Go round the pub drinking other peoples drinks.
When going through the drive thru, change your order everytime they repeat it.
Order a burger with no bun but with extra ketchup.
Order something and when they turn around walk away, then come back five minutes later and do the same thing again.
Park just the right amount of space away from the drive thru window so that they can't reach you.
THINGS TO DO IN A FINAL EXAM
Bring a pillow and fall asleep.
Read all the questions out loud and then debate the answers with yourself out loud.
Bring a GameBoy and play with the volume at max.
Do the exam in crayon.
Come to the exam in slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head and nothing else.
As soon as you get the exam paper, eat it!.
Every five minutes stand up, collect all your things, move to another table and carry on with the exam.
Every twenty minutes stand up, throw the paper on the floor, shout "FUCK THIS!!", pick the paper up again and carry on with the exam.
Laugh out loud at all the questions.
Start a brawl half way through.
Come in wearing a full knight outfit, with sword and shield.
During the exam take everything around you apart eg = chairs, desks basically anything you can get hold of.
Get deliveries of flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc.... sent to you throughout the exam.
Make your mobile phone ring every five minutes.
Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
THINGS TO SAY AND DO IF YOU'RE PULLED OVER BY THE COPS
Can you hand me your gun?.
Care for a doughnut?.
Whatever you do, don't search my trunk!.
There's no blood in my alcohol!.
Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
Pretend you're gay and ask him out.
When he says no, cry.
Touch him.
After you sign the ticket and give it back to him say "Oops!, that's the wrong name!".
Act like you're a retard.
Talk to your hand.
Try to sell him your car.
Ask if you can buy his car.
(after receiving a ticket) Thanks a lot, Officer Fuckhead!.
Say "Bet you can't keep up with me now you're on foot!" and drive away.
Hey! That's my beer!!.
Bad cop! No doughnut!!.
Is it true that people become cops cause they're too dumb to work at McDonalds?.
When he talks to you, pretend you're deaf.
Turn your head and whistle.
THINGS TO DO TO RELIEVE STRESS
Use your Mastercard to pay off your Visa and vice-versa.
When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of 'Things To Do' that you've already done.
Fill in your tax forms in Roman Numerals.
Tattoo 'OUT TO LUNCH!' on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Drive to work in reverse.
Polish your car with ear wax.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for hidden messages.
Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognise it when it comes back to you.
Make up a language and ask for directions in it.
THINGS TO DO IN SCHOOL
Set the fire alarm off and run through the school yelling and screaming at the top of your voice.
In assembly when it's all quiet stand up and yell "What the hell am I doing here?" and walk out.
Answer every question with the words = Cheese & onion.
Ask to go to the toilet every five minutes.
When a teacher tells you off start crying.
Laugh at everything anyone says.
Join in with other peoples conversations, if they tell you to go away have a go at them for changing the subject.
Write everything with your none-writing hand.
If playing football run away screaming whenever the ball comes your way.
Hand homework into the wrong lessons.
If running in an event on sports day, run the other way.
Fart and blame the teacher.
In detention ask if you can go home every two minutes.
Wear all your clothes backwards.
THINGS TO DO IN AND ELEVATOR
Make race car noises whenever people get on or off.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, Dammit, all of you just shut UP!!".
Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall without getting off.
When arriving at your floor grunt and strain to get the doors open then act emarrassed when they open by themselves.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while then announce = I'm wearing new socks!.
Meow occasionally.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
THINGS TO DO WHEN ORDERING A PIZZA
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with "We never had this conversation".
Answer their question with a question.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing your order to the tune of your favourite song off Metallica's 'Master Of Puppets' CD.
Don't name the toppings you want, spell them out.
Ask what the order taker is wearing.
say hello, act confused for a few seconds, then behave as if they phoned you.
Change your accent every three seconds.
Ask if you get to keep the box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Order just the box.
Imitate the order takers voice.
Order a slick, not a whole pizza.
Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, phone them and ask again.
Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself and say "Where was I?, Who are you?".
THINGS TO DO IN A PUB
Order a drink and pay with Monopoly money.
Throw the beer mats at the bartender.
Go into the toilets of the opposite sex and piss in the sink.
If there's a disco on dance when there's no music on and don't when there is.
If singing Karaoke sing the lyrics to a completely different song to the one that's playing.
Sit at a table and shout "WAITER!".
If there's sport on the TV and it's a repeat, spoil it for those who don't know by shouting out the results.
Stand at the bar and order nothing.
Ask if anyone wants to play hide and seek.
If some people are playing cards look at someones cards and shout out loud what cards they have.
Ask someone for change for a penny.
Order a drink and when they give it you change your order.
Order enough stuff so it comes to over ten pound, give the bartender a fiver, tell him to keep the change and walk off.
Wait for people to stand up and take their chair.
Chat up someone of the opposite sex with a burp and a fart.
Ask the bartender where the closest pub is.
Pick a fight with the door.
Go round the pub drinking other peoples drinks.