Thinking
I’ve been doing some thinking recently, about life, school, spirituality, etc. Here’s an overview:
Mindfulness:
All of us struggle with our actions, and the consequences of them. As a Buddhist, I try to participate more in positive, life affirming actions than negative ones that only harm myself and others. With that said, the first step on this path is identification of positive/negative responses. This is called mindfulness- the ability to step back and observe. This is what meditation fosters- the unfiltered analyzation of your responses, emotions, actions, etc. This slowly applies in daily life. When I became angry, I ask myself first off “Why did I get angry?” Secondly, I identify on a deeper level why I got angry- was it my frustration with schoolwork, parental, social problems, etc. The first step to becoming a more compassionate, understanding human being is to understand yourself and your reactions. For you still do these negative behaviors, but with one vital difference t hat separates you, where you are now, from where you began- you now identify them for what they are. To quote my buddy profile
“Even though we still run away, and we still indulge, we see what we're doing clearly. One would think that our seeing it clearly would immediately make it just disappear, but it doesn't. So for quite a long time, we just see it clearly….”
Applying this to my life:
One cause of frustration originating from my Buddhist practices (ironic isn’t it) is that I expect too much of myself. Throughout all the texts, the length of the journey is constantly stressed, even to the point of spanning across multiple lifetimes. But I, Andrew McMillan, expect to at least get MOST of t he way there within a few months. I frustrate myself when I cause harm to myself and others through my negative actions, because I’ve I cannot claim ignorance. I have identified these behaviors as harmful, yet I continue to do them. Of course, everyone knows that identifying the problem as a problem is only the first step (A.A. ‘admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery’) but for some reason, I have this expectation that now that I’ve IDENTIFIED it, I can merely say, “That’s irrational and harmful to others, I will stop this behavior in 5….4…3…2…1….aaaaaaaand done. I will now never repeat this behavior ever again.” WHY DO I DO THIS?! This in itself is more of a problem than all my negative behaviors put together, and I am currently devoting much energy to understanding my frustration with this.
Continuing from the above quote, the eventual outcome is expressed thusly:
“To the degree that we're willing to see our indulging and our repressing clearly, they begin to wear themselves out. Wearing out is not exactly the same as going away. Instead, a wider, more generous, more enlightened perspective arises.”
Non-attachment: Additionally, I’ve really been thinking about the concept of non-attachment. Especially how it relates to relationships. How can someone you claim to love someone, but not feel overwhelming grief upon their disappearance from your life forever. To be apathetic wouldn’t be loving at all, and to be dependant upon them would go against the very grain of non-attachment. I’ve discovered the ‘middle path’ seems to be a common point in the Buddha’s teachings- extreme’s never lead to good.
Conclusion:
To be non-attached means to be free to enter into communion with others and with everything without fear or doubt or worry of the potential outcome. The middle ground which the Buddha spoke of does not mean you cannot love someone. Rather, love someone with the full knowledge that they may not be there tomorrow, and live in the moment you have with them now. If that person leaves, and their absence affects you negatively, this is what you are warned of.
And lastly, I’ve been thinking a lot about Paige. I mean, she seems amazing,smart, and beautiful beyond belief (all that stuff that everyone says upon meeting someone like that) and I want to get to know her so much better. But how does this fit with my Buddhist practices? Isn’t the possibility of attachment, and therefore eventual pain to be avoided? I was reading various quotes people put out on the Buddhist community regarding living your life as a Buddhist, and I’ve come to the conclusion that life is meant to be lived, and yes it can be integrated into my Buddhist practices. In fact, the idea of living life to its fullest is an integral part of Buddhism. Each potential downfall is merely a test, to help me develop a further understanding of myself. So let’s say that this thing with Paige flies up a bit, then crashes and burns the likes of which no one has seen before (ok slight exaggeration). Of course I’d rather it not, but in the event that it does, I need to view it as merely the further exploration of myself. This is putting my faith into practice. For its one thing to sit around and talk about non-attachment and other ideas. Its another to live them. I’m not saying I would look forward to disappointment an pain, but in the outcome that it does occur, I need to welcome them for what they really are- not merely as their surface forms of disappointment and pain, but rather further insight into myself. And understanding myself is essential for positively contributing to society.
Mindfulness:
All of us struggle with our actions, and the consequences of them. As a Buddhist, I try to participate more in positive, life affirming actions than negative ones that only harm myself and others. With that said, the first step on this path is identification of positive/negative responses. This is called mindfulness- the ability to step back and observe. This is what meditation fosters- the unfiltered analyzation of your responses, emotions, actions, etc. This slowly applies in daily life. When I became angry, I ask myself first off “Why did I get angry?” Secondly, I identify on a deeper level why I got angry- was it my frustration with schoolwork, parental, social problems, etc. The first step to becoming a more compassionate, understanding human being is to understand yourself and your reactions. For you still do these negative behaviors, but with one vital difference t hat separates you, where you are now, from where you began- you now identify them for what they are. To quote my buddy profile
“Even though we still run away, and we still indulge, we see what we're doing clearly. One would think that our seeing it clearly would immediately make it just disappear, but it doesn't. So for quite a long time, we just see it clearly….”
Applying this to my life:
One cause of frustration originating from my Buddhist practices (ironic isn’t it) is that I expect too much of myself. Throughout all the texts, the length of the journey is constantly stressed, even to the point of spanning across multiple lifetimes. But I, Andrew McMillan, expect to at least get MOST of t he way there within a few months. I frustrate myself when I cause harm to myself and others through my negative actions, because I’ve I cannot claim ignorance. I have identified these behaviors as harmful, yet I continue to do them. Of course, everyone knows that identifying the problem as a problem is only the first step (A.A. ‘admitting you have a problem is the first step on the road to recovery’) but for some reason, I have this expectation that now that I’ve IDENTIFIED it, I can merely say, “That’s irrational and harmful to others, I will stop this behavior in 5….4…3…2…1….aaaaaaaand done. I will now never repeat this behavior ever again.” WHY DO I DO THIS?! This in itself is more of a problem than all my negative behaviors put together, and I am currently devoting much energy to understanding my frustration with this.
Continuing from the above quote, the eventual outcome is expressed thusly:
“To the degree that we're willing to see our indulging and our repressing clearly, they begin to wear themselves out. Wearing out is not exactly the same as going away. Instead, a wider, more generous, more enlightened perspective arises.”
Non-attachment: Additionally, I’ve really been thinking about the concept of non-attachment. Especially how it relates to relationships. How can someone you claim to love someone, but not feel overwhelming grief upon their disappearance from your life forever. To be apathetic wouldn’t be loving at all, and to be dependant upon them would go against the very grain of non-attachment. I’ve discovered the ‘middle path’ seems to be a common point in the Buddha’s teachings- extreme’s never lead to good.
Conclusion:
To be non-attached means to be free to enter into communion with others and with everything without fear or doubt or worry of the potential outcome. The middle ground which the Buddha spoke of does not mean you cannot love someone. Rather, love someone with the full knowledge that they may not be there tomorrow, and live in the moment you have with them now. If that person leaves, and their absence affects you negatively, this is what you are warned of.
And lastly, I’ve been thinking a lot about Paige. I mean, she seems amazing,smart, and beautiful beyond belief (all that stuff that everyone says upon meeting someone like that) and I want to get to know her so much better. But how does this fit with my Buddhist practices? Isn’t the possibility of attachment, and therefore eventual pain to be avoided? I was reading various quotes people put out on the Buddhist community regarding living your life as a Buddhist, and I’ve come to the conclusion that life is meant to be lived, and yes it can be integrated into my Buddhist practices. In fact, the idea of living life to its fullest is an integral part of Buddhism. Each potential downfall is merely a test, to help me develop a further understanding of myself. So let’s say that this thing with Paige flies up a bit, then crashes and burns the likes of which no one has seen before (ok slight exaggeration). Of course I’d rather it not, but in the event that it does, I need to view it as merely the further exploration of myself. This is putting my faith into practice. For its one thing to sit around and talk about non-attachment and other ideas. Its another to live them. I’m not saying I would look forward to disappointment an pain, but in the outcome that it does occur, I need to welcome them for what they really are- not merely as their surface forms of disappointment and pain, but rather further insight into myself. And understanding myself is essential for positively contributing to society.