Worst. Week. Ever.
"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." - Biggest bullshit quote ever. I invite whoever said that to come look at me right now and say it with a straight face.
This has been the week from hell. I've decided that I'm going to write a how to book called "How to Fuck Up Your Entire Life in 3 Simple Steps" because I actually have first hand knowledge of this.
This past week, I managed to piss off 2 of the most important girls in my life in about a 48 hour span. My best girl friend for 8 years? Hey, I've got a great idea, why don't I act like a total, insensitive ass to her while completely sober. Great idea, right? You know what they say when you assume things...you make an ASS out of U and ME. Yeah, well I was the fucking billboard for the Democratic party with how big of an ass I was. To hear that your no longer the closest guy friend that a girl has, that hurts. That sucks. That does a lot of things to you. I was wrong. There. I said it. I thought I knew you, but I didn't, and I'm sorry. You honestly have no idea how I feel right now, hell, no one does. If I could find a way to go back in time and fix it, I would. But I can't, and once again, it sucks. It's something that I have to deal with. It's something that's not going to go away. And it's something that will be there forever that I can't erase. Do you know how hard it is to wake up every day since then knowing that I infuriated the girl that has done more for me over the past 8 years than anyone I have ever come across in my life? I went to college thinking nothing was going to change, and I thought nothing had. Now, I know EVERYTHING has changed. Yes, I have made new friends. Yes, I joined a fraternity that takes up a good portion of my time. Yes, I do not have as much free time available as I had in years past. But if you need me, I am ALWAYS here for you. I have told so many people that if you absolutely have to talk to someone at 4 AM, my phone is always on right next to my bed. Call it. IM me. Do something. I am here, and I am willing to listen. I WANT to listen. I don't know how much clearer I can say it than that. If I have to say it every day, I will. Just make the pain stop.
Second girl I've infuriated. I was selfish. I've been called cocky. I've been called arrogant. But selfish is a term I would rarely use to describe myself. Well guess what, there comes a time and place where I put myself ahead of your thoughts and feelings, and I deserve everything that comes my way as a result. I thought what I did was right at the time. It seemed like such a good idea to avoid drama for the short time, but I had no clue that it would result in me being nearly in tears in the long term. I fucking hate myself for everything I did to you right now. I wish there was some way to make it up to you, but there isn't. Instead of being the "nice guy" like I usually am, as 4 certain girls over the past year can attest to because that's basically all I am 99% of the time, I was "that guy" for one night. For one half hour time span. I was that guy who became the typical lying male and had it come back and bite him in the ass. I would rather deal with 100 years of continuous physical pain to my body than to see you emotionally hurt for one second due to anything that I did. I understand that you want to take a break from seeing certain people; I don't blame you. It's hard enough to look at myself each day. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. If it's 1/100th as bad as I feel, then I wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy.
I don't know what to do. I've never been more lost in my life than I am right now. Just please know that I love you both to death, and I would still be there for you in an instant if you need me. If either of you never want to talk to me again, I can't say that I'd blame you. I know it's just 2 words, but they come from as deep in my heart as possible: I'm sorry.
I know I said it, I know I did it
Maybe I went overboard to prove a point
But sometimes my pride gets in the way
Maybe I need some time away to get my head together,
Yeah, yeah
Maybe this was my last chance
(I may never)
I may never get to hold your hands again
I can say that I'm a better man
I'm sorry
(Because you made me understand)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(And I'm sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I didn't mean to take your dreams)
I didn't mean to take your dreams and make them seem so trite
(I sincerely)
I sincerely (Oh), completely (Yeah)
Apologize for doin' what I did
Everything you taught me and everything you showed me
It never seemed that I would listen to anything
But you've got my attention more than you know
I take it in, I dealt with it,
But I waited too late to use it, oh...oh...
Maybe this was my last chance
(I never)
I may never get to hold your hands again
(I can say)
I can say that I'm a better man
I'm sorry
(Because you made me understand)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I'm so sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I didn't to mean to hurt your heart)
I didn't mean to take your dreams
(Oh...yeah)
And make them seem so trite
(I sincerely)
I sincerely
(Completely)
completely apologize for doin' what I did
I've never ever been so
(Shameful for what I did)
You made me know
(But you made me know one thing)
(That I shoulda never did)
If you never take me back again
(I never, never wanted)
I never wanted to burn this bridge
(If I could do it)
Do it
(All over)
All over
(Again)
Again
I'll never mishandle you ever again
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I'm so sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I'll never, never, never, never do it again)
I didn't mean to take your dreams
And make them seem so trite
(Make you seem so, oh)
I sincerely
(I sincerely)
Completely
(Completely)
Apologize for doin' what I did
(Ho...)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(That I tore your heart)
And I'm sorry if I (That I tire you apart) scarred you
Again today (I didn't mean what I said)
I didn't mean to take your
(I didn't mean what I did)
Dreams and make them seem so trite (Baby)
I sincerely (Baby), completely (Baby) apologize (Baby)
For doin’ what I did (Oh...oh...oh...)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I can't say it no better, I'm sorry)
And I'm sorry (I'm sorry) if I scarred you (Sorry)
Again today (What do you want me to do)
I didn't mean to (If I could do it all over again)
Take your dreams and make them seem so trite
(I would try to make you understand)
I sincerely (That I'm a better man), completely
(I'm a better man)
Apologize for doin' what I did
(A better man for you, baby)
This has been the week from hell. I've decided that I'm going to write a how to book called "How to Fuck Up Your Entire Life in 3 Simple Steps" because I actually have first hand knowledge of this.
This past week, I managed to piss off 2 of the most important girls in my life in about a 48 hour span. My best girl friend for 8 years? Hey, I've got a great idea, why don't I act like a total, insensitive ass to her while completely sober. Great idea, right? You know what they say when you assume things...you make an ASS out of U and ME. Yeah, well I was the fucking billboard for the Democratic party with how big of an ass I was. To hear that your no longer the closest guy friend that a girl has, that hurts. That sucks. That does a lot of things to you. I was wrong. There. I said it. I thought I knew you, but I didn't, and I'm sorry. You honestly have no idea how I feel right now, hell, no one does. If I could find a way to go back in time and fix it, I would. But I can't, and once again, it sucks. It's something that I have to deal with. It's something that's not going to go away. And it's something that will be there forever that I can't erase. Do you know how hard it is to wake up every day since then knowing that I infuriated the girl that has done more for me over the past 8 years than anyone I have ever come across in my life? I went to college thinking nothing was going to change, and I thought nothing had. Now, I know EVERYTHING has changed. Yes, I have made new friends. Yes, I joined a fraternity that takes up a good portion of my time. Yes, I do not have as much free time available as I had in years past. But if you need me, I am ALWAYS here for you. I have told so many people that if you absolutely have to talk to someone at 4 AM, my phone is always on right next to my bed. Call it. IM me. Do something. I am here, and I am willing to listen. I WANT to listen. I don't know how much clearer I can say it than that. If I have to say it every day, I will. Just make the pain stop.
Second girl I've infuriated. I was selfish. I've been called cocky. I've been called arrogant. But selfish is a term I would rarely use to describe myself. Well guess what, there comes a time and place where I put myself ahead of your thoughts and feelings, and I deserve everything that comes my way as a result. I thought what I did was right at the time. It seemed like such a good idea to avoid drama for the short time, but I had no clue that it would result in me being nearly in tears in the long term. I fucking hate myself for everything I did to you right now. I wish there was some way to make it up to you, but there isn't. Instead of being the "nice guy" like I usually am, as 4 certain girls over the past year can attest to because that's basically all I am 99% of the time, I was "that guy" for one night. For one half hour time span. I was that guy who became the typical lying male and had it come back and bite him in the ass. I would rather deal with 100 years of continuous physical pain to my body than to see you emotionally hurt for one second due to anything that I did. I understand that you want to take a break from seeing certain people; I don't blame you. It's hard enough to look at myself each day. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes. If it's 1/100th as bad as I feel, then I wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy.
I don't know what to do. I've never been more lost in my life than I am right now. Just please know that I love you both to death, and I would still be there for you in an instant if you need me. If either of you never want to talk to me again, I can't say that I'd blame you. I know it's just 2 words, but they come from as deep in my heart as possible: I'm sorry.
I know I said it, I know I did it
Maybe I went overboard to prove a point
But sometimes my pride gets in the way
Maybe I need some time away to get my head together,
Yeah, yeah
Maybe this was my last chance
(I may never)
I may never get to hold your hands again
I can say that I'm a better man
I'm sorry
(Because you made me understand)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(And I'm sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I didn't mean to take your dreams)
I didn't mean to take your dreams and make them seem so trite
(I sincerely)
I sincerely (Oh), completely (Yeah)
Apologize for doin' what I did
Everything you taught me and everything you showed me
It never seemed that I would listen to anything
But you've got my attention more than you know
I take it in, I dealt with it,
But I waited too late to use it, oh...oh...
Maybe this was my last chance
(I never)
I may never get to hold your hands again
(I can say)
I can say that I'm a better man
I'm sorry
(Because you made me understand)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I'm so sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I didn't to mean to hurt your heart)
I didn't mean to take your dreams
(Oh...yeah)
And make them seem so trite
(I sincerely)
I sincerely
(Completely)
completely apologize for doin' what I did
I've never ever been so
(Shameful for what I did)
You made me know
(But you made me know one thing)
(That I shoulda never did)
If you never take me back again
(I never, never wanted)
I never wanted to burn this bridge
(If I could do it)
Do it
(All over)
All over
(Again)
Again
I'll never mishandle you ever again
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I'm so sorry)
And I'm sorry if I scarred you again today
(I'll never, never, never, never do it again)
I didn't mean to take your dreams
And make them seem so trite
(Make you seem so, oh)
I sincerely
(I sincerely)
Completely
(Completely)
Apologize for doin' what I did
(Ho...)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(That I tore your heart)
And I'm sorry if I (That I tire you apart) scarred you
Again today (I didn't mean what I said)
I didn't mean to take your
(I didn't mean what I did)
Dreams and make them seem so trite (Baby)
I sincerely (Baby), completely (Baby) apologize (Baby)
For doin’ what I did (Oh...oh...oh...)
I'm so sorry that I tore your heart apart last night
(I can't say it no better, I'm sorry)
And I'm sorry (I'm sorry) if I scarred you (Sorry)
Again today (What do you want me to do)
I didn't mean to (If I could do it all over again)
Take your dreams and make them seem so trite
(I would try to make you understand)
I sincerely (That I'm a better man), completely
(I'm a better man)
Apologize for doin' what I did
(A better man for you, baby)