Denison. University. Wow.
I felt the need to update this after the past 24 hours. I went down to visit my children (Ryan and Tara for those of you not in the know) yesterday in the middle of fucking nowhere a.k.a. Granville, Ohio at Denison University. Thank God I didn't crash by being lulled to sleep by the cornfield after cornfield after cornfield that I passed. I made it there on time though.
I got there, and Ryan and I threw the football around for a bit before going out to Chipotle with Ben, another RA there. We got back and decided we needed to get some refreshments for the night ahead. Jason, Doc, Ryan, and me went to Sunoco and got 3 cases of Natty. Yum. :-\. Came back to the dorm and engaged in some beer pong action (yes, beer pong, not Beiruit). The Chagrin Falls connection was working for the first 2 games, but we got rolled the 3rd game. My first career beer pong loss :-(. Then Ryan and I watched a 4 on 4 Survivor flip cup game. Intense stuff. If your team loses, someone gets voted off the losing team. It came down to a 3 on 1 game. We're talking Sox-Yankees/put it in the bag/this game is over shit right here. 3 guys against Doc. Here's Doc by the way: http://community.webshots.com/photo/267309169/267311984zczHSP 3 games later...Doc stood as the reigning champ after the most unbelieveable feat I have ever seen. In 3 games, I do believe that Doc was about 12 for 16 with his flips. Dude was a machine. I have never seen anything like it.
After witnessing that spectacle...we headed to Stone (an apartment type complex place??? I don't even know) for a fraternity party. I don't know what fraternity throws an "Under the Sea" party complete with childhood decorations (streamers, neon paint, fish hanging from the ceiling, etc.), but they did. The party was alright, but eventually Ryan and I went outside to relieve ourselves because people took FOREVER in the bathroom. So we're peeing on the side of the building when we see a police car come down the hill. Shit. We go inside casually and act like nothing happened. I then look outside and see that our favorite uniformed gentlemen have come to a stop outside, turned their lights off, and are now heading inside. Shit. Ryan is standing next to me with a bookbag on his back full of Natty. Apparently they thought that Ryan is Asian or something and goes to school on Saturday because we walked right past the cops, bookbag and all, without them saying a word. Ryan wanted to go back into the party in a few mintues. I suggested we leave quickly. I won.
We get back to the dorms and 15 minutes later Ben comes up and informs us that the party we were at got busted. Big time. Copying and pasting directly from Ryan's Xanga regarding a kid that we played beer pong with not more than 3 hours before the party...
Ike’s friend, the running back at Baldwin-Wallace, is a real genius. So being 20 years old and in a place he’s never been before he walks out into the street after it was broken up holding a beer. As he opens the door he walks right into GPD. Now, even if you’re 21 you can’t have an open beer on the street. But he’s not 21. So they ask for his ID, cause of course he’s getting arrested now, and he hands them a fake ID. So at this point, he’s got 1) open container 2) underage drinking, and 3) False identification. Supposedly he then threw the beer away and tried to run and they got out their spotlights and tracked him down. So in the midst of all that he added a 4th and 5th violation and went to jail in $5,000 bond. Obviously no one has that kinda money, so as of when I saw Craig at breakfast this morning, he’s still in jail.
To recap: Within 10 hours of being at Denison, a kid I had met there was jailed and being held on $5000 bond.
Back at the dorm, Ryan and Ben suspect that one of Ryan's residents is having sex. What else would RAs do? Unscrew the peephole of course and pop it out! Dude was understandably not happy. It was funny to us though. Ryan then finds like 3 big kids in the hall and tells them to rip the sink of the wall. Ryan assures them that it's OK and that he will go into his room and act like he didn't see anything. 3 minutes later... http://community.webshots.com/photo/267309169/289450130fSEECs that's the Shorney 4th floor bathroom. They just threw it out the window right? Wrong! The sink has vanished which means that there is a bathroom sink in a resident's room somewhere.
Tara came over. Within about 45 seconds of her being there, she had ripped down the X-mas lights which completely circle Ryan's room. Ryan's room was already trashed at this point, but this just added to the destruction. Somehow, they got on Facebook (under Tara's name...this plays an important factor later) and started comparing their mutual friends in an attempt to figure out who these people were better friends with: Ryan or Tara. So it gets to Lisa and they're arguing over who Mom likes better: her son or her daughter. I offer to call up the wife and see at about 1:15 AM. I look up Lisa in my phone, call the number that has a cell phone icon next to it, hear her voice on the voicemail, and leave a message. Meanwhile, Ryan and Tara are still arguing over different people so I am cracking up the entire time while leaving the message. Eventually we got off of Facebook (Tara won 25-19 for those of you scoring at home) and hung out in the hall with some people. Rene the security guard comes SPRINTING down the hall telling us that we're too loud. Tara left. It was quieter. We go back into Ryan's room when he looks at his computer and realizes that Tara is still logged on under her name on Facebook. Ryan decided to have a little fun. He leaves a ton of messages on Tara's friends' walls. He randomly starts requesting people from Colorado Unviersity to be Tara's friend (most notably people named Jeff/Geoff). And he makes her join random groups.
The current tally as of 11:45 PM on March 6:
Tara's friends at Colorado: 20.
Tara's friends named Jeff or Geoff at Colorado: 11.
Number of people Tara actually knows at Colorado: 0.
Groups Tara is now a part of: Alpha Chi Omega • Family Guy Fanatics • Grateful Dead Fans • Grapefruit Eaters • I Went To Baton Rouge High, Beach!!!! • Jacklyn Iversen, Irene Link, and Meghann Herraiz Can Suck a D • Ive Been Caught With Pot By My Parents • McCoo the Next Big Eagles Star • Mom...I got written up! • Pauley Shore Is Too a Good Actor (Denison Chapter) • Pittsburgh Pride (412 Represent!) • Tony Danza Makes My Heart Sing! • Wendell the Whistlepig Fanclub • When I'm Older I'm Totally Gonna Be a Washed Up Lax-dad • Where are the Fine, Itelligent Black Men? Give Me Some More. • Yeah, I am In a Singing Group
Stunning. That put an end to that night.
Sunday:
I'm driving home from Denison on 71 when I call my mom on her cell to let her know that I'm coming home. She asks me if I enjoyed making phone calls last night. Eric is confused. Eric is wondering how Fay knows this. Eric slaps his head. Mrs. C is right next to my mom and says that she received a voice mail at 1:15 AM from me. Busted. Here's what happened: Back before Lisa had a cell phone of her own, she used her mom's. I had that cell number listed under Lisa for obvious reasons. When she got her own cell, I added that number as well along with the Castellanos' house phone. When dialing last night, I selected Lisa, glanced down at my phone, saw a cell number with a cell phone icon next to it, heard Lisa's voice because she set up Mrs. C's voicemail for her, and assumed it was Lisa's cell. You know what happens when you assume right? Needless to say, I drunk dialed my mother-in-law. She thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. My mom thought it was funny. It is all good in the hood.
Random token sports stuff:
OSU ends Illinois' quest for a perfect season by hitting a 3 with 5 seconds left in the game to prevent Illinois from going 30-0. 2 things:
1) I called this a week ago with Drew and Shawn.
2) The SI Jinx lives.
#3 Kentucky lost. #7 Kansas lost. #2 UNC? Haha...they beat the Dookies. Amazing day of basketball on the collegiate level today. Pro wise? Cavs all of the sudden suck. That's bad. Oh well. This has gone on for far too long. I'm out like a guy that knows someone who has $5000 for bail money.
I got there, and Ryan and I threw the football around for a bit before going out to Chipotle with Ben, another RA there. We got back and decided we needed to get some refreshments for the night ahead. Jason, Doc, Ryan, and me went to Sunoco and got 3 cases of Natty. Yum. :-\. Came back to the dorm and engaged in some beer pong action (yes, beer pong, not Beiruit). The Chagrin Falls connection was working for the first 2 games, but we got rolled the 3rd game. My first career beer pong loss :-(. Then Ryan and I watched a 4 on 4 Survivor flip cup game. Intense stuff. If your team loses, someone gets voted off the losing team. It came down to a 3 on 1 game. We're talking Sox-Yankees/put it in the bag/this game is over shit right here. 3 guys against Doc. Here's Doc by the way: http://community.webshots.com/photo/267309169/267311984zczHSP 3 games later...Doc stood as the reigning champ after the most unbelieveable feat I have ever seen. In 3 games, I do believe that Doc was about 12 for 16 with his flips. Dude was a machine. I have never seen anything like it.
After witnessing that spectacle...we headed to Stone (an apartment type complex place??? I don't even know) for a fraternity party. I don't know what fraternity throws an "Under the Sea" party complete with childhood decorations (streamers, neon paint, fish hanging from the ceiling, etc.), but they did. The party was alright, but eventually Ryan and I went outside to relieve ourselves because people took FOREVER in the bathroom. So we're peeing on the side of the building when we see a police car come down the hill. Shit. We go inside casually and act like nothing happened. I then look outside and see that our favorite uniformed gentlemen have come to a stop outside, turned their lights off, and are now heading inside. Shit. Ryan is standing next to me with a bookbag on his back full of Natty. Apparently they thought that Ryan is Asian or something and goes to school on Saturday because we walked right past the cops, bookbag and all, without them saying a word. Ryan wanted to go back into the party in a few mintues. I suggested we leave quickly. I won.
We get back to the dorms and 15 minutes later Ben comes up and informs us that the party we were at got busted. Big time. Copying and pasting directly from Ryan's Xanga regarding a kid that we played beer pong with not more than 3 hours before the party...
Ike’s friend, the running back at Baldwin-Wallace, is a real genius. So being 20 years old and in a place he’s never been before he walks out into the street after it was broken up holding a beer. As he opens the door he walks right into GPD. Now, even if you’re 21 you can’t have an open beer on the street. But he’s not 21. So they ask for his ID, cause of course he’s getting arrested now, and he hands them a fake ID. So at this point, he’s got 1) open container 2) underage drinking, and 3) False identification. Supposedly he then threw the beer away and tried to run and they got out their spotlights and tracked him down. So in the midst of all that he added a 4th and 5th violation and went to jail in $5,000 bond. Obviously no one has that kinda money, so as of when I saw Craig at breakfast this morning, he’s still in jail.
To recap: Within 10 hours of being at Denison, a kid I had met there was jailed and being held on $5000 bond.
Back at the dorm, Ryan and Ben suspect that one of Ryan's residents is having sex. What else would RAs do? Unscrew the peephole of course and pop it out! Dude was understandably not happy. It was funny to us though. Ryan then finds like 3 big kids in the hall and tells them to rip the sink of the wall. Ryan assures them that it's OK and that he will go into his room and act like he didn't see anything. 3 minutes later... http://community.webshots.com/photo/267309169/289450130fSEECs that's the Shorney 4th floor bathroom. They just threw it out the window right? Wrong! The sink has vanished which means that there is a bathroom sink in a resident's room somewhere.
Tara came over. Within about 45 seconds of her being there, she had ripped down the X-mas lights which completely circle Ryan's room. Ryan's room was already trashed at this point, but this just added to the destruction. Somehow, they got on Facebook (under Tara's name...this plays an important factor later) and started comparing their mutual friends in an attempt to figure out who these people were better friends with: Ryan or Tara. So it gets to Lisa and they're arguing over who Mom likes better: her son or her daughter. I offer to call up the wife and see at about 1:15 AM. I look up Lisa in my phone, call the number that has a cell phone icon next to it, hear her voice on the voicemail, and leave a message. Meanwhile, Ryan and Tara are still arguing over different people so I am cracking up the entire time while leaving the message. Eventually we got off of Facebook (Tara won 25-19 for those of you scoring at home) and hung out in the hall with some people. Rene the security guard comes SPRINTING down the hall telling us that we're too loud. Tara left. It was quieter. We go back into Ryan's room when he looks at his computer and realizes that Tara is still logged on under her name on Facebook. Ryan decided to have a little fun. He leaves a ton of messages on Tara's friends' walls. He randomly starts requesting people from Colorado Unviersity to be Tara's friend (most notably people named Jeff/Geoff). And he makes her join random groups.
The current tally as of 11:45 PM on March 6:
Tara's friends at Colorado: 20.
Tara's friends named Jeff or Geoff at Colorado: 11.
Number of people Tara actually knows at Colorado: 0.
Groups Tara is now a part of: Alpha Chi Omega • Family Guy Fanatics • Grateful Dead Fans • Grapefruit Eaters • I Went To Baton Rouge High, Beach!!!! • Jacklyn Iversen, Irene Link, and Meghann Herraiz Can Suck a D • Ive Been Caught With Pot By My Parents • McCoo the Next Big Eagles Star • Mom...I got written up! • Pauley Shore Is Too a Good Actor (Denison Chapter) • Pittsburgh Pride (412 Represent!) • Tony Danza Makes My Heart Sing! • Wendell the Whistlepig Fanclub • When I'm Older I'm Totally Gonna Be a Washed Up Lax-dad • Where are the Fine, Itelligent Black Men? Give Me Some More. • Yeah, I am In a Singing Group
Stunning. That put an end to that night.
Sunday:
I'm driving home from Denison on 71 when I call my mom on her cell to let her know that I'm coming home. She asks me if I enjoyed making phone calls last night. Eric is confused. Eric is wondering how Fay knows this. Eric slaps his head. Mrs. C is right next to my mom and says that she received a voice mail at 1:15 AM from me. Busted. Here's what happened: Back before Lisa had a cell phone of her own, she used her mom's. I had that cell number listed under Lisa for obvious reasons. When she got her own cell, I added that number as well along with the Castellanos' house phone. When dialing last night, I selected Lisa, glanced down at my phone, saw a cell number with a cell phone icon next to it, heard Lisa's voice because she set up Mrs. C's voicemail for her, and assumed it was Lisa's cell. You know what happens when you assume right? Needless to say, I drunk dialed my mother-in-law. She thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. My mom thought it was funny. It is all good in the hood.
Random token sports stuff:
OSU ends Illinois' quest for a perfect season by hitting a 3 with 5 seconds left in the game to prevent Illinois from going 30-0. 2 things:
1) I called this a week ago with Drew and Shawn.
2) The SI Jinx lives.
#3 Kentucky lost. #7 Kansas lost. #2 UNC? Haha...they beat the Dookies. Amazing day of basketball on the collegiate level today. Pro wise? Cavs all of the sudden suck. That's bad. Oh well. This has gone on for far too long. I'm out like a guy that knows someone who has $5000 for bail money.