random rant
so here i am actually updating just because i havent in a while and i dont feeling like studying for the ap chem test but its inevitable that i will fail so theres no use in trying. thank god theres no more tennis. although i love to play it i need to do it on my time otherwise im swamp and anxiety kicks in and ezgi slowy begins to die.
lets see mother and father are gone off away in Turkiye and have no specific date of return. this could be a good thing but only if i were able to drive. if i could find a spare key to one of the cars i would just drive but seeing as how my parents decided to lock it up i have no way to get to the keys. now im dependant on finding rides with other ppl to SAT and such, and it makes me hate myself when i have to ask others for rides. too much emotion right now on to next rant.
reading others' livejournal has made me feeling like time is depleting and my life is gonna be ruined because after high school i dont know where i am going. i know im headed towards some form of college but i dont know what i want to do with my life. i wish someone would just tell me; my mother wants me to be a doctor so i figure i'll do that but then father says do whatever you wanted dont let mother tell you what to do with your life. and because i have such a daddy's girl i would do anything for my dad i love him and i promise i'll do what i want but i dont know what that is. all this makes me feel like crap. too many people are expecting things from me and thats good as a motivator however it can be bad if you dont know what to do. i think living in somewhat of a decadent lifestyle has made me lazy. when i was younger i was ignorant and didnt know about excess and money and it seems i worked hard then but now because of the images on tv and just the way society as evolved today im someone else and i've changed to fit into society's mold. i like getting things i dont need and now i feel as though im concentrating too hard on that aspect of life and my education and my future will suffer.
well enough of this if you want the abridged version here it is : i want to start my life over knowing all this in advance so i wouldnt be in this place now and i would be more confident in myself and set myself up better for my junior year.
lets see mother and father are gone off away in Turkiye and have no specific date of return. this could be a good thing but only if i were able to drive. if i could find a spare key to one of the cars i would just drive but seeing as how my parents decided to lock it up i have no way to get to the keys. now im dependant on finding rides with other ppl to SAT and such, and it makes me hate myself when i have to ask others for rides. too much emotion right now on to next rant.
reading others' livejournal has made me feeling like time is depleting and my life is gonna be ruined because after high school i dont know where i am going. i know im headed towards some form of college but i dont know what i want to do with my life. i wish someone would just tell me; my mother wants me to be a doctor so i figure i'll do that but then father says do whatever you wanted dont let mother tell you what to do with your life. and because i have such a daddy's girl i would do anything for my dad i love him and i promise i'll do what i want but i dont know what that is. all this makes me feel like crap. too many people are expecting things from me and thats good as a motivator however it can be bad if you dont know what to do. i think living in somewhat of a decadent lifestyle has made me lazy. when i was younger i was ignorant and didnt know about excess and money and it seems i worked hard then but now because of the images on tv and just the way society as evolved today im someone else and i've changed to fit into society's mold. i like getting things i dont need and now i feel as though im concentrating too hard on that aspect of life and my education and my future will suffer.
well enough of this if you want the abridged version here it is : i want to start my life over knowing all this in advance so i wouldnt be in this place now and i would be more confident in myself and set myself up better for my junior year.