Log.
16:33] *is pacing around the Mansion restless and uneasy/happy*
[16:34] *bumps into him* Oh, Lucivar! *frowns* What is wrong?
[16:36] *jolts and seems a little disoriented for a moment, then relaxes a very very litte* Oh - Armand. *a pause* Just - thinking. *mouth tighten* Too much, probably.
[16:38] That is a hazard this time of year. *puts a hand on his arm* Do you wish to talk? Get those thoughts out into the light?
[16:46] *a sort of flinch when Armand touches him and then seems to remember where he is again* Perhaps...It might be wise.
[16:47] Come sit by the fire then. I can make tea. *doesn't let go*
[16:48] Thank you. *seems almost grateful that he doesn't*
[16:49] *leads the warlord prince to the hearth* Sit. I'll be right back.
[16:49] *sits down carefully, watching the fire with a little frown* I won't go anywhere.
[16:50] *hurries off and returns in a little bit with a tray of tea things* *pours and offers cup to Lucivar*
[16:51] *takes it and just holds it for a while* I wonder why we still remember things years after they've happened?
[16:52] *gets his own cup and sits back* I don't know. Perhaps because they are a part of who we are now, even if... only as something to heal from.
[16:53] You're probably right. *slow blink* I almost wish it was possible to live life with no regrets.
[16:54] *sips the very hot tea* I don't know if it is. That does seem ideal.
[16:57] *a heavy sigh* I don't know what I'm going to do.
[16:58] About what specifically? *gently*
[16:59] Miranda. She reminds me so much of Jaenelle at that age - *a little catch in his breath* Or what Jaenelle should have been like.
[17:01] *makes a bold guess since he's heard some from Jaenelle herself* If she hadn't been hurt?
[17:04] *a jerky nod* And that reminds me of the rest of it. Everything we all lost, and I have to wonder if there was any way I could have done something differently...
[17:06] *quietly* Were you even there when it happened?
[17:10] No - but if I had been - I should have been.
[17:12] Where were you instead?
[17:15] The salt mines.
[17:17] *cautiously* I would think it would difficult to leave there at will.
[17:19] *looks at him with sort of anguished expression* I could have escaped - but I waited - I /waited/ -
[17:20] Why did you wait? You're second guessing your judgement in hindsight.
[17:27] I waited because I thought Jaenelle would be safe with Daemon there. And when I thought that he'd killed her - or worse - *closes his eyes*
[17:27] *worriedly* He didn't hurt her, though, right?
[17:31] *headhsake* Oh no. Daemon would /never/ hurt a child. /Never/ jeapordize Witch.
[17:32] Then why... *bites his lip* It is horrible she was hurt, but surely it's solely the fault of the one who hurt her?
[17:34] But that's not the worst of it - *a bitter smile* He's dead and Jaenelle's healed well. If that were all it would be easier not to regret.
[17:35] *shaky voice* What else then?
[17:39] Daemon - they told me Daemon had killed her, my only reason for even trying to fight back. My brother. I believed them. When I broke free I went to find him. To kill him. He was lost in the Twisted Kingdom by then - he /wanted/ to die. *a slight break in his voice* I left him there with the certainty that I was going to die, told him that he deserved a long and painful life.
[17:40] *sets his cup down and goes to kneel beside Lucivar* You /didn't/ know.
[17:43] He lost eight years of his life because of me. Eight years he could have spent with Jaenelle, watching her grow up. Eight fucking /years/ of his sanity because I /listened/ to that bitch Dorothea.
[17:44] *reaches for Lucivar's hand* You're a victim, too. She lied to you. You couldn't know.
[17:46] I should have known. I should have at least /guessed/ - *blinks rapidly and swipes at his eyes impatiently with his other hand*
[17:48] But you didn't...
[17:49] No. I didn't. *eyes closed and his face tight and pained*
[17:53] *pats his hand* Please... has... Daemon forgiven you?
[17:56] Yes...but only in the formal sense. I'm not certain it's the sort of thing that can ever really be forgiven.
[17:57] It can be. Anything can be forgiven.
[17:58] *a dark-eyed look at him* Can it?
[17:59] *desparately* Yes. Anything.
[18:01] *a long sigh and closes his eyes again breifly* I hope so. Mother Night, but I hope so.
[18:02] I speak as a man who has sinned greatly against someone and /been/ forgiven.
[18:04] *turns his head around* /You/? ---*very surprised*
[18:05] I betrayed my brother-in-law to his enemies. *bluntly, looking away*
[18:07] *a pause, in a slightly husky voice* I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.
[18:08] Against all wonder, he survived to forgive me. *eyes glittering* But, I know, it /can/ be done. It depends on the mercy of the other man.
[18:10] *offers a wordless squeeze of the shoulder, his own eyes unacknowledgably damp*
[18:11] *looks down, trying to get control of himself* *softly* Daemon is your /brother/. He can forgive you.
[18:12] *a strange little unseen half smile* He's not the only one I think of...
[18:13] *sniffs and looks up* Who else then? Jaenelle?
[18:14] No. *looks at him* You.
[18:14] *blinks* Me?
[18:15] Yes, you. *pause* I - said some inexcusable things when I first came here. Treated you badly. I should not have. I had no real reason to.
[18:15] *looks down again* You didn't know me.
[22:11] Not knowing you is no excuse for mistreating you.
[22:12] *sighs* You were being protective of someone.
[22:13] *a snort* Someone who didn't want my protection in that case, at least.
[22:15] *still unnaturally quiet* I don't blame you.
[22:16] *looks up sharply* Don't blame me for what?
[22:17] For being harsh with me.
[22:19] Why not? I had no substantiation for doing so. Jaenelle trusted you then and adores you now. And I've seen for myself that you're an honourable man. So why should I have been?
[22:20] You didn't know. Men are different where you're from.
[22:21] *blinks at him for a long time and then shakes his head* I don't understand you, Armand.
[22:24] Every time I think I have you figured out...
[22:25] What? I'm just me. I try to be good.
[22:27] No one outside the family has ever hugged me just to be /good/...and no one else I know would /defend/ me for behaving like an ass. *a sort of short laugh* I'd almost think you didn't want me to think well of you.
[22:27] *add a sometimes there, pressed enter too soon*
[22:29] I only do what a friend would do.
[22:29] *wryly* I guess I'm not used to that either.
[22:30] If we're not quite family, we should be at least be that.
[22:32] I'd like to think of you as family...I know Jaenelle does. She considers you a younger brother, I think.
[22:32] Then why shouldn't I be good to you?
[22:33] Because I'm a hell of a scary prick and a little bit of an ass most of the time.
[22:35] *giggles* You're no scarier than... the National Guard.
[22:36] *this...might be almost a blush* Flatterer.
[22:38] You've never pointed a rifle at me.
[22:40] I guess not.
[22:41] It does give a man perspective.
[22:46] *a pause, then laughs an actually genuine laugh and maybe gives Armand a quick impulsive hug* I don't think I ever welcomed you to the family properly.
[22:47] *hugs back* What am I getting myself into?
[22:48] A mess, probably. *but a grin* Welcome to the family, Armand St. Just. Good luck.
[22:50] Thank you, I think. *giggles*
[22:51] You're welcome, certainly. *a pause* I wouldn't tell anyone about what you told me. Just - know that.
[22:54] Merci.
[22:56] It's the least I can do for my new younger brother. *hair ruffle, teasingly*
[22:57] Oh wonderful! Now I have even more centuries old brothers. I was just getting used to the elves. *giggles*
[22:57] Lucky you. *laughing, though*