heh
Well....prom looks bleak...I have to go because I have a suit already....though I'm not even sure I want to go...Anyway...Martine is still confused yet she wants me to betray myself and go out with other people...and I hate how no matter what I do, I can't seem to make things better...only worse for some reason. Maybe it would be wrong not to give other people a chance to get close to me the way I have let martine know things about me and the way I've become close to her...I'm just afraid that maybe she would drift away...and forget me...I hate how she cant decide on what she wants to do...I know its a hard choice but shit...talk about waiting till the last minute...well anyway....I can only be mad at myself for being the idiot who feels how he feels...but if what she wants is for me to give other people a chance I will...but she's asking me to go against everything I have waited and waited for all this time....it pisses me off that after about 4-5 months...she asks me NOW...to just be single...even though I said I wanted to wait for her...but she wants to be free of restriction...so whatever...I'll be hypocritical as she asks and stop waiting...even though it triggers anger I hate feeling...but can't avoid for some reason.