Demons in my head.

[eyezthatcantsee]

Why? Why do I hear them now...now. and now. Why am I so angry all the time? Why do I hate all of her friends? why do i want to destroy everyone i see and touch? Why can't i let myself be happy? Because I'm not good enough. Because I'm inadequate. Because I'm worthless. Because I don't have what it takes to be anything. No matter how strong the will, I never find the way. No matter how strong the heart, everything else gives up on me. Everyone gives up on me. I fail them, and for that I'm abandoned. I'm worthless. I don't have what it takes. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm hateful. Im furious. I'm twitchy. I'm Louis.

I still hear them. I ignore them and then when i least expect it, they show. They're everywhere. All around me. They hate me. I hate me. We all hate me. We must hate me. I can't ever win. Even when I have the greatest jewel in the universe, the most gleaming of diamonds in the galaxy, the most precious of all things in this world..I still lose. I always lose.

I don't want pity. Let me be angry and Let me suffer. If I should fail...then let me fail. If I should fall..then let me fall. Let me fall and end this pain...

She was never second. She was never inadequate. She was always too good. She's always been the One...She just never thought I couldn't be....maybe I'm not the one..maybe i'll never be a "the one"...I'm...I'm lost.

Now, It comes back for me. My inadequacy comes back...

I never win.

Ever.