Where is 2006 going?
Sorry I haven't been here in a while. I have gotten a little nudge from two of my girls to come back to the land of the living and update so here is my attempt of doing that. I am taking four pretty difficult classes this semester and still working part-time. School is going pretty good and I have made some cool friends.... not that I ever have time to see them away from class work. I have just stayed SWAMPED!
Joanie seems to be growing up sooo fast now days. She is finally in that girlie stage. At age 6.... she requested make up and a cell phone this week. haha She gets neither!
As far as my funk goes.... here is a brief run down... some of you may have issues with my choices... but please try not to judge me too harshly. most of you know that there have been major issues with my marriage for a few years now and that all summer Rodney said he wanted out. I guess he knew that I wasn't really in love anymore. I tried for sooo long to fight for us,,,, to hold us together... and then I gave up a few years back. I shut down and quit feeling... those who don't feel can't hurt all that badly. I decided we would just share a house and we both decided that what we did other than that was strictly the others business. In August I started seeing someone else. It was supposed to be a fling on the side... an escape from reality.. something that I could secretly have to help me deal with what I no longer had at home. YEAH RIGHT! I can't explain it.... he touched my soul like noone ever has...I felt so much I never knew was possible anymore. I think I love him even now. I guess when it came down to finally calling it quits that Rodney realized he wanted our family to work. After months of talking I agreed to try. I can't stand the thought of being responsible for his pain or hurting my daughter.... so here we are trying. I am mostly ok with it I guess....I know it is the right thing to do if he is really changing. It has just been hard. My heart....is very much elsewhere. I think of M all the time. I wish somehow my life could be different. So see... I guess what it all comes down to is I am trying to recover from a wonderful addiction. To be grown and make the choices that a responsible mother...wife..woman would make... and some how... some way.... learn to be happy with them. Wish me luck with that.
FeFe..Debra.. and Lauren I love you ladies. I promise I will try to come back and up date soon.... Hopefully with cheerful... happy... giddy.. silly stuff!
Joanie seems to be growing up sooo fast now days. She is finally in that girlie stage. At age 6.... she requested make up and a cell phone this week. haha She gets neither!
As far as my funk goes.... here is a brief run down... some of you may have issues with my choices... but please try not to judge me too harshly. most of you know that there have been major issues with my marriage for a few years now and that all summer Rodney said he wanted out. I guess he knew that I wasn't really in love anymore. I tried for sooo long to fight for us,,,, to hold us together... and then I gave up a few years back. I shut down and quit feeling... those who don't feel can't hurt all that badly. I decided we would just share a house and we both decided that what we did other than that was strictly the others business. In August I started seeing someone else. It was supposed to be a fling on the side... an escape from reality.. something that I could secretly have to help me deal with what I no longer had at home. YEAH RIGHT! I can't explain it.... he touched my soul like noone ever has...I felt so much I never knew was possible anymore. I think I love him even now. I guess when it came down to finally calling it quits that Rodney realized he wanted our family to work. After months of talking I agreed to try. I can't stand the thought of being responsible for his pain or hurting my daughter.... so here we are trying. I am mostly ok with it I guess....I know it is the right thing to do if he is really changing. It has just been hard. My heart....is very much elsewhere. I think of M all the time. I wish somehow my life could be different. So see... I guess what it all comes down to is I am trying to recover from a wonderful addiction. To be grown and make the choices that a responsible mother...wife..woman would make... and some how... some way.... learn to be happy with them. Wish me luck with that.
FeFe..Debra.. and Lauren I love you ladies. I promise I will try to come back and up date soon.... Hopefully with cheerful... happy... giddy.. silly stuff!