whatever.
haven't enjoyed being around myself for days.its funny how we wait around waiting for something to magically happen to make us happy, knowing full well it will not come.
im not saying im not happy. overall, my life is spectacular. school is good, work is going well, i have a beautiful fiance...but i am still depresssed at the way people choose to treat each other. myself included.
i am a bad person and im pretty sure, i have no choice. according to the bible, we are born with sin in our hearts and will surely die and spend eternity in hell, except for Christ's love, as He died for us. all of us, whether you want to accept it or not. but still we hold each other to impossible standards, and expect one another to be perfect. its amazing. and when people dont act accordingly, we decide it is time for us to act less than perfect. its a perfect catch 22 i suppose.
im a bad person. im angry all day. i speak to my wife in a poor tone of voice too much of the time. i forget everything. i feel like crying rather than rejoicing. i have very few friends, and even fewer around to spend time with. my old way of life is gone, but strikingly i feel as if i am the same unhappy person sometimes, as if im trying and striving towards nothing, for no reason at all.
but who knows and who's to say? you? me? them? us? does it matter? or are we all just waiting here, waiting to die? i dont know anymore and for some reason it seems a tad to tiring to figure it all out most days. id much rather just say fuck it and try and make it through the day.
maybe its time to throw away my expectations of others and concentrate solely on my expectations of myself. and let everyone else figure it out themselves. i would love to be some light in the dark to some lost child, help him grow up and see the world in a new way, a positive way, but them i look around at the world, and all the people in it, and remember thats rather impossible. the way we are prevents that from happening.
some days i just dont know what goes on in my head. or anyone elses for that matter. time to go to work.
im not saying im not happy. overall, my life is spectacular. school is good, work is going well, i have a beautiful fiance...but i am still depresssed at the way people choose to treat each other. myself included.
i am a bad person and im pretty sure, i have no choice. according to the bible, we are born with sin in our hearts and will surely die and spend eternity in hell, except for Christ's love, as He died for us. all of us, whether you want to accept it or not. but still we hold each other to impossible standards, and expect one another to be perfect. its amazing. and when people dont act accordingly, we decide it is time for us to act less than perfect. its a perfect catch 22 i suppose.
im a bad person. im angry all day. i speak to my wife in a poor tone of voice too much of the time. i forget everything. i feel like crying rather than rejoicing. i have very few friends, and even fewer around to spend time with. my old way of life is gone, but strikingly i feel as if i am the same unhappy person sometimes, as if im trying and striving towards nothing, for no reason at all.
but who knows and who's to say? you? me? them? us? does it matter? or are we all just waiting here, waiting to die? i dont know anymore and for some reason it seems a tad to tiring to figure it all out most days. id much rather just say fuck it and try and make it through the day.
maybe its time to throw away my expectations of others and concentrate solely on my expectations of myself. and let everyone else figure it out themselves. i would love to be some light in the dark to some lost child, help him grow up and see the world in a new way, a positive way, but them i look around at the world, and all the people in it, and remember thats rather impossible. the way we are prevents that from happening.
some days i just dont know what goes on in my head. or anyone elses for that matter. time to go to work.