Since no one I know will ever really read this....
I really just need to vent right now.
And I feel the odd urge to journal.
And the weirdest part of that is the fact that I HATE to journal.
It takes up too much of my time and doesn't really yield any results.
But... today I feel like I just need a place where no one is really going to read this so I can just get my feelings out.
And.... hopefully.... the wrong people don't see this.
Which means I am going to give people different names if I have to refer to them...
Odd as that may seem.
I'm also planning on not giving details. For instance, if I am talking about my boyfriend, I am not going to make that obvious.
This is just so nothing gets to the wrong people...
Here I go.....
So..let's call him John... John and I are really close. I'm starting to worry about him because I think he might have depression. Every time I am with him, he wants to sleep. And at one point he even told me that he just doesn't feel joy in anything that he does anymore.
And it's really starting to hurt him and that, in turn, hurts me a lot.
But John and I have been arguing a lot and are having a hard time being around each other.
I'm starting to think that that is stemming from the possible depression.
On the other hand, my other friend..."Bob"... and I are ALSO really really close.
Now, I get protective of my friends and who they date and stuff like that. I don't like letting my friends date people when they could either end up hurt, hurt the other, or are just plain better than that.
Well, Bob has been talking to this girl that comes across as the dumbass, really annoying, slutty kind. I'm going to call her.... Skanky Pants....
So Bob and I were talking a lot for a relly really really really long time. Like I said, we are really close. And I enjoy being able to talk to someone other than the person that I am dating because that person is someone I can talk to if I am having problems with the person that I am dating.
(By the way, I'm only really good friends with guys. There are a few exceptions.. but not many)
So Bob has been talking to Skanky Pants and I think he is really starting to like her. I want to be excited for him because he is happy about it. But it's hard.
I care for him a lot and I think he is SOOOOO much better than little miss Skanky Pants.
So when I see them joking around on FaceBook about this or that... it really bugs me.
That and the fact that since he has been talking to her so much, he hasn't really been talking to me all that much... meaning I'm kind of losing my best friend that I can go to about a lot of things.
IT HURTS!
And I don't think Bob realizes it.
So Bob and I are going to school together next year and we said that we were going to hang out all of the time...we said this LAST SUMMER!!
But... Skanky Pants is also going to go to school with us.... UGH
If I'm hanging out with him, and he ends up dating her.... does that mean I have to hang out with her!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
Will she even let him hang out with her!?
Will it bother me so much that I just won't want to hang out with him anymore??
UGH.
Stupid questions.
But is gets worse...
So I have several other friends that I am going to school with this fall, as well.
"Henry" and I are also good friends. Met last summer in La Grange. He and I talk about a lot of things.
He is the cool kid. Really smart, really sweet, but athletic and a drummer and just all around the cool kid.
And he is rooming with ..."Pete".. who I have known for a long time because we went to church together until he changed churches in 7th grade.
Pete is the kind of kid that you are afraid to be near for fear that snot might fly out of his nose at any given moment.
Well Pete and Henry are so different that I am worried that it might be a really bad situation.
I haven't seen Pete since 7th grade, but I have talked to him online lately. And he seems to think that he is the cool kid, but it is painfully obvious that he is not.
So I'm worried about that.
But I'm also worried that my friends that I will be going to school with will realize that I am not a person that they want to hang out with and they will end up just leaving me in the dust.
I'm scared that I won't have any friends in college....
On top of that, I'm scared of change... which sucks since I am about to GO OFF TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!
I keep getting told how it is a whole new world and all of this stuff. And, frankly, it's frightening.
And my parents are finally coming home from Alaska tonight and my grandmother is going BONKERS because I haven't cleaned the entire house while she was in Florida.
Let me explain the situation.
My parents left.
Our friend of the family, Jim, and my grandmother came because my parents didn't think that leaving myself, an 18 year old, with my 16 year old sister alone made any sense.
So my grandmother and Jim came for almost a week. Then, on Wednesday, they both left to go to Florida for Jim's family reunion. Since he lives there, he stayed and my grandmother came back here.
Well, my sister left yesterday morning to go on some Girl Scout trip to Port A. She did absolutely nothing before she left... leaving me with a messy house to clean all by myself.
Well, my grandmother gets home and FLIPS because I have not cleaned EVERY SINGLE THING in the entire house!!!
So she is sitting here, at this moment, riding my ass to go do dishes so that my parents, being as tired as they will be...after coming home from a WEEK LONG CRUISE in Alaska, will not have to worry about a messy house.
I'm pretty sure they just had a whole week of relaxing and they are not going to FLIP OUT if there are some dishes in the sink..
And while she was gone, her dog that she rescued stayed with us.
The first night she was gone, he slept with me.
He wouldn't let me sleep until about 4 AM and then, around 6 AM, my dogs who sleep downstairs started going APE SHIT. My grandmother's dog, Oscar, jumped off of my bed and went to the door. I just assumed that he wanted to bark, so I didn't let him out. Keep in mind that i get up for work everyday at 6:30 or 7:00. This day was no different. So I really just wanted to get my sleep.
Well, a few minutes after NOT letting the dog out, I hear him PEEING ON MY FREAKING CARPET!!!!!
I am UBER PISSED.
I'm stomping around the house, yelling at the dog, trying to find carpet cleaner, texting my sister, waking her up to yell about the fucking dog!!
I did not get to go back to sleep and still had to go to work.
I'm starting to average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night.. if I even get that.
And it's really starting to take a toll on me... but, honestly, I just am not really tired..
Well..... seeing as I have to go do dishes and pick up my parents from the airport and God only knows what else.... I guess I will end here.
I'm sorry, to whoever is still reading this, that you have sat here this long just to read my bitching.
But thank you.
Goodnight.
And I feel the odd urge to journal.
And the weirdest part of that is the fact that I HATE to journal.
It takes up too much of my time and doesn't really yield any results.
But... today I feel like I just need a place where no one is really going to read this so I can just get my feelings out.
And.... hopefully.... the wrong people don't see this.
Which means I am going to give people different names if I have to refer to them...
Odd as that may seem.
I'm also planning on not giving details. For instance, if I am talking about my boyfriend, I am not going to make that obvious.
This is just so nothing gets to the wrong people...
Here I go.....
So..let's call him John... John and I are really close. I'm starting to worry about him because I think he might have depression. Every time I am with him, he wants to sleep. And at one point he even told me that he just doesn't feel joy in anything that he does anymore.
And it's really starting to hurt him and that, in turn, hurts me a lot.
But John and I have been arguing a lot and are having a hard time being around each other.
I'm starting to think that that is stemming from the possible depression.
On the other hand, my other friend..."Bob"... and I are ALSO really really close.
Now, I get protective of my friends and who they date and stuff like that. I don't like letting my friends date people when they could either end up hurt, hurt the other, or are just plain better than that.
Well, Bob has been talking to this girl that comes across as the dumbass, really annoying, slutty kind. I'm going to call her.... Skanky Pants....
So Bob and I were talking a lot for a relly really really really long time. Like I said, we are really close. And I enjoy being able to talk to someone other than the person that I am dating because that person is someone I can talk to if I am having problems with the person that I am dating.
(By the way, I'm only really good friends with guys. There are a few exceptions.. but not many)
So Bob has been talking to Skanky Pants and I think he is really starting to like her. I want to be excited for him because he is happy about it. But it's hard.
I care for him a lot and I think he is SOOOOO much better than little miss Skanky Pants.
So when I see them joking around on FaceBook about this or that... it really bugs me.
That and the fact that since he has been talking to her so much, he hasn't really been talking to me all that much... meaning I'm kind of losing my best friend that I can go to about a lot of things.
IT HURTS!
And I don't think Bob realizes it.
So Bob and I are going to school together next year and we said that we were going to hang out all of the time...we said this LAST SUMMER!!
But... Skanky Pants is also going to go to school with us.... UGH
If I'm hanging out with him, and he ends up dating her.... does that mean I have to hang out with her!?!?!??!?!?!?!?
Will she even let him hang out with her!?
Will it bother me so much that I just won't want to hang out with him anymore??
UGH.
Stupid questions.
But is gets worse...
So I have several other friends that I am going to school with this fall, as well.
"Henry" and I are also good friends. Met last summer in La Grange. He and I talk about a lot of things.
He is the cool kid. Really smart, really sweet, but athletic and a drummer and just all around the cool kid.
And he is rooming with ..."Pete".. who I have known for a long time because we went to church together until he changed churches in 7th grade.
Pete is the kind of kid that you are afraid to be near for fear that snot might fly out of his nose at any given moment.
Well Pete and Henry are so different that I am worried that it might be a really bad situation.
I haven't seen Pete since 7th grade, but I have talked to him online lately. And he seems to think that he is the cool kid, but it is painfully obvious that he is not.
So I'm worried about that.
But I'm also worried that my friends that I will be going to school with will realize that I am not a person that they want to hang out with and they will end up just leaving me in the dust.
I'm scared that I won't have any friends in college....
On top of that, I'm scared of change... which sucks since I am about to GO OFF TO COLLEGE!!!!!!!
I keep getting told how it is a whole new world and all of this stuff. And, frankly, it's frightening.
And my parents are finally coming home from Alaska tonight and my grandmother is going BONKERS because I haven't cleaned the entire house while she was in Florida.
Let me explain the situation.
My parents left.
Our friend of the family, Jim, and my grandmother came because my parents didn't think that leaving myself, an 18 year old, with my 16 year old sister alone made any sense.
So my grandmother and Jim came for almost a week. Then, on Wednesday, they both left to go to Florida for Jim's family reunion. Since he lives there, he stayed and my grandmother came back here.
Well, my sister left yesterday morning to go on some Girl Scout trip to Port A. She did absolutely nothing before she left... leaving me with a messy house to clean all by myself.
Well, my grandmother gets home and FLIPS because I have not cleaned EVERY SINGLE THING in the entire house!!!
So she is sitting here, at this moment, riding my ass to go do dishes so that my parents, being as tired as they will be...after coming home from a WEEK LONG CRUISE in Alaska, will not have to worry about a messy house.
I'm pretty sure they just had a whole week of relaxing and they are not going to FLIP OUT if there are some dishes in the sink..
And while she was gone, her dog that she rescued stayed with us.
The first night she was gone, he slept with me.
He wouldn't let me sleep until about 4 AM and then, around 6 AM, my dogs who sleep downstairs started going APE SHIT. My grandmother's dog, Oscar, jumped off of my bed and went to the door. I just assumed that he wanted to bark, so I didn't let him out. Keep in mind that i get up for work everyday at 6:30 or 7:00. This day was no different. So I really just wanted to get my sleep.
Well, a few minutes after NOT letting the dog out, I hear him PEEING ON MY FREAKING CARPET!!!!!
I am UBER PISSED.
I'm stomping around the house, yelling at the dog, trying to find carpet cleaner, texting my sister, waking her up to yell about the fucking dog!!
I did not get to go back to sleep and still had to go to work.
I'm starting to average about 2-4 hours of sleep a night.. if I even get that.
And it's really starting to take a toll on me... but, honestly, I just am not really tired..
Well..... seeing as I have to go do dishes and pick up my parents from the airport and God only knows what else.... I guess I will end here.
I'm sorry, to whoever is still reading this, that you have sat here this long just to read my bitching.
But thank you.
Goodnight.