OOC: My, a Log! Well, two, but we split it.

[eyesocketparty]

Who: Spike ihaveasoultoo, Xander eyesocketparty and Angel ihaveasoul
When: Friday night
Where: Caritas and the AI Offices
What: Xander paying his ‘favourite vampires in the whole world’ a visit, finding out they’re getting hitched, Xander pretending he’s not spying for Buffy.
Why: Because it’s fun, Xander torture doubly so.

OOC: Your character can’t see unless they happened to catch the conversation in Caritas.

Xander grinned at himself as he stood outside the club. If being a right hand to Buffy ever went bust, he should be a detective. He'd found the place through clever investigative work, asking Willow what Angel called his firm, then going as far as to call directory inquiries and ask the nice lady for the address. Oh yes, he had the skills. Maybe skillz. Then it had been an interesting flight and here he was. Caritas. Sounded foreign and classy. He smoothed his not-classy-at-all shirt and stepped inside. ".....Demon bar....well, there go my shattered illusions"

Two blonds were talking at the bar, one in not very much at all, sitting on the bar, the other very familiar to Xander.

Xander grinned, walking over, slinging an arm over the familiar blonds shoulders. "Of all the demon bars in all the world, you had to stumble into....well...the one you live above....", Xander paused, "....I want a do-over of that opening line"

Spike stared at his hand and then at him. "Buffy let you off your leash?"

"I do not have a leash", sniffed Xander, "Buffy and me don't do the bondage thing, it would be inappropriate to our long-standing friendship"

"Right..." He replied shrugging his hand off going bac, to his drink, "So what do you want Captain Hook?"

"That would be so funny if I had a hook for a hand", said Xander, "But I don't, so it isn't. HAH!"
He coughed, then gave a grin.
"Can't a guy come to visit his bestest vampire buddy in the whole world after learning he was getting some with a lesser liked vampire of said guy?"

Spike raised a brow, "What you want tips?"

Xander blinked. "Tips for what?", he asked perching himself on a bar stool, "Tips on being a vampire? You have me confused with evil alternate-world me"

"No tips for getting lesser liked vampires...or improving your sex life...or actually having one should I say. "

"Hey! I have a sex life!", protested Xander, "It's just on a...dry spell. And I don't need tips from you, you're with Captain Forehead of the Brooding Brigade"

Spike shrugged, "Exactly, he's getting more sex than you, what does that say about your dry spell."

Xander raised one finger, mouth open, before he frowned. "...Angel's getting more than me, and....hey, doesn't he turn evil after the sexings? He's not evil, is he? I have...", he rooted about in his jacket, "...a pencil. But it's a sharp pencil"

"Oh prepared aren't you." He replied with a sigh, "No he's not evil."

"Bad things can be done with pencils", said Xander lamely, then nodded, "That is good. I'd have to have to take him down, or call Buffy to come and take him down while I hide under a table"

"You couldn't take down a pensioner."

"Hence the calling of the Buffy", nodded Xander, who then paused and beamed, "And she hasn't got a clue about you two, has she?"

Spike smiled, "Do you see an Angel shaped hole in that door?"

Xander chuckled. "That would be a big, fat 'no' then", he said, "Ooh, can I tell her? I can cushion the blow by saying it's no reflection on her, or her abilities"

"No because knowing you, you would mess it up. "

Xander put a hand to his chest. "You would me, Spike", he said, "It's like you'd think I'd sabotage it and have her come down to kill you all in a fury of dust and that little woosh sound you make when you die"

Spike stared at him steadily with a raised brow, "You will die."

"Oh, calm down Mr. The Bloody", said Xander, rolling his eye, "As if I'd want to get rid of you, you're like family. Freakishly wrong, family, but still family"

Spike shook his head, "What is sad, I think that's actually true for you."

"My real family issues aside", said Xander with a wave, "We've faced apoclaypses...apoclaypi?....we've faced a lot of the end of the worlds together. That counts for something"

"That counts for me giving you a five minute head start. "

"Spike, you keep saying things like that, I might be mistaken that you actually have an ability to be nice to people", smirked Xander, "And we can't have that muddying your well muddied reputat.....is that a ring?"

Spike looked down at his hand and then at Xander warily taking a swig of whisky.

Xander blinked at the ring, then blinked at Spike. "That's the ring he gave.....", he arched a brow, "and now you're wearing it. On that finger, which is THE finger, and not the swearing kind and dear god stop me babbling"

Spike shook his head "Keep talking Xander and you'll need a second patch."

"That worked", said Xander, "So....you and Angel. You're...um?"

Spike glanced at him, "What do you think?"

"What I think can not be stated into compressionable words", said Xander pointedly, "And I'm still getting over the concept of you two sleeping together. I mean, I'm used to you guys trying to kill each other, in as bloody a way as possible"

"I was being rhetorical." He muttered "We still argue, I just don't wanna kill him anymore"

Xander blinked at him. "You saying you don't want to kill anyone is frightening", he said, letting out a low whistle, "You've got it bad"

He rolled his eyes, "I do not."

"Yes, you do", said Xander, "You never say you don't want to kill someone. You never even said that about Buffy"

Spike shrugged, "Lots of people don't want to kill people. Besides, I didn't have a soul back then."

"Point", said Xander, "But you still have it bad. Because I've said Buffy's name multiple times now, and you haven't tried to stab me with my pencil"

He rolled his eyes, "You'd never have a chance with her."

"I became painfully aware of that in high school", said Xander pointedly, "And I was meaning more along the lines that you haven't spazzed out and been all heartbroken-y"

"Oh..." He replied then shrugged "Must have gotten over it mostly"

"Uh...huh", said Xander, then smiled, "By shacking up with Angel. Wondered why you decided to stay in L.A once we found out your death had been overly dramatised"

"I got used to the place. Besides we didn't not till we got down here."

"Ahhh so London is the culprit", said Xander with a chuckle, "And, what? You guys got bored and said 'hey, you know what we haven't tried for a while?'"

Spike snorted, "No I got him high."

Xander coughed. "You got him high?", he asked, then laughed, "A drugged-up Angel. That must have been a sight to see"

He grinned, "He's so talkative, you have no idea."

"Angel? Talkative?", asked Xander, "If I wasn't hearing it, I'd never believe it"

"Mmmhmmm loves spilling secrets when he's drunk."

Xander cocked his head to one side, a grin crossing his face. "Like he loves knitting? Or has a secret collection of pink dollies?"

Spike just grinned knowingly, "I went through a lot to get the information I did."

"Oh, I can well imagine", said Xander dryly, "Must have been quite a difficult experience for you, dragging him off into bed, Poor Spike, having lots of sex. I feel for you, buddy, really, I do"

"I meant about making the cookies.", said Spike, "Well getting someone to make them"

"Cookies", Xander repeated, giving him a pointed look, "You got Angel high on....cookies?"

Spike nodded "Special...herbal cookies."

"Ahhhh", said Xander, "When you say 'herbal' you mean the sort of herbs that are highly illegal in most places in the world and make you see pretty swirly things"

Spike smiled, "IS there any other?"

"Willow makes some interesting ones that can....", Xander coughed, "Never mind. So, you drugged him with the cookies to get him to sleep with you? Because that's a new low for you, Spike"

"No, I drugged him...he admitted it sulked for three days and then we shagged.

"Ah, well that's....three days?", Xander's eye widened, "You HAVE got it bad"

"What? He was the one sulking."

"You waited for three days", said Xander pointedly, "Three. Whole. Days"

"So? He locked himself in his room."

"And you didn't go out to find, oh, I don't know, Harmony?", asked Xander with a wry grin.

"No...she was on the other side of the planet anyway."

"And you had it bad for Tall, Dark and Broody", smiled Xander, "You can't fool me, Spike. I know you, you jump into love feet first, even if there's sharp things at the bottom"

Spike hmphed, "So what?" He demanded

"Just pointing it out, is all", said Xander, twiddling his thumbs, "In a pointing-out-please-don't-hit-me-for-stating-the-obvious way. And now you have a ring"

"Yeah. I have a ring and no you're not invited."

Xander gave his best hurt puppy eye he could muster. "But we're buddies", he said, "You need your best buddy at your wedding"

"NO I don't, and no we're not."

"You're in denial", nodded Xander, "That's understandable" He looked at his fingernails. "Of course, I'd have thought you would want a best man who can bring a speech that would make Angel want to crawl under the table and become invisible"

Spike raised a brow looking at him. "What do you know?"

"I", said Xander pointedly, "Did the reading of the past things when he went evil on us the first time. I have years worth of stuff in my head. Did you know he rescued a puppy in the twenties?"

Spike smiled slightly, "Really?" He replied "Go on then, you can tell him the bad news."

"Bad news? You'd swear you didn't want me there", tsked Xander with a grin, "Where is he, anyway? Not brooding up a dark corner?"

"Probably in his office. "Spike motioned to the stairs, "C'mon." He replied pushing from the bar.

Xander chuckled. "Oh yes", he said, then mocked Angel's voice, "Helping the helpless!"

Spike rolled his eyes whacking the back of Xander's head

"Ow! Not the blind side, not the blind side!", he yelped, ducking his head, before laughing, "Ye gods, you're even defending him. Who are you and what have you done with Spike?"

Spike raised a brow, "I'm the only one that gets to knock him"

Xander clucked his tounge, shaking his head. "You? Got it, bad", he said, following him, "So, where are you guys getting hitched, then?"

"God knows, Angel's supposedly has it sorted."

"You don't even know?", asked Xander, "Heck, Anya gave me hourly updates"

"I don't think he has the slightest idea how to plan a wedding."

"This IS Angel we're talking about", said Xander pointedly, "He can't even figure out how a cell phone works"

Spike shrugged, "It'll probably just end up being a piss up and a brawl."

"Take comfort in the fact it has to be better than mine", said Xander with a small smile.

"Well I am planning to turn up." He replied.

"See? Better than mine already", said Xander, "Though in my defense, I had good reasons"

He raised a brow, "You think so?"

"Yes", nodded Xander, "The not becoming my father reasons"

"So now instead of going through and realising you're not your father, you're alone." He replied.

"I have the whole higher purpose of finding slayers and help Buffy train them", said Xander with a shrug, "Could have done a lot worse"

"I suppose." He replied. "Got tired of the slumber parties then?"

Xander cast him a confused look. "Slumber parties?", he asked, "What? With the slayers? If I could spend my nights with women in their nightwear, you honestly think I'd be here?"

"Would you be able to get into the bathroom once in all that time?"

".....", Xander considered this, "...I really have to stop hanging out with women"

Spike nodded walking into Angel's office.

Angel glanced up from where he was pouring over books, hoping to find an answer that didn't exist to explain his son's condition. He gave a weak smile, seeing Spike, until he noticed who was with him, his face falling into a scowl. "Oh, hell no"

"Hello to you, too, Angel", smiled Xander with a wave.

Spike shrugged walking over to Angel's desk sitting on the edge of it, looking at his papers.

Angel looked at the grinning Xander, then at Spike. ".....Am I being punished for something?"

".....Excuse me while I deleted that sentence and the thoughts that go with it out of my brain", said Xander, shuddering.

Spike shook his head, "No he turned up on his own." He replied his hand idly scraping at the nape of his neck as he looked through.

"Like an annoying, one eyed cat", said Angel, leaning into his touch.

"Hey, I came by to say howdy", said Xander, "And I find out you two are shacking up and getting married"

Angel winced. "And he knows about that"

"He saw the ring, that' your fault that is."

Xander beamed. "I have but one eye, but it sees all"

Angel groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Yes, Xander, Spike and I are getting married. Before you jibe, I should point out I haven't slept in a few days, and might eat you for the hell of it"

"I won't stop him”.

Xander faltered in the gag he was working so hard on, then coughed. "Oh, alright, I'll save it for the wedding in my best man speech"

Angel blinked, then turned slowly to look at Spike. "Spiiike"

"What?" He replied. "I couldn't be bothered with his whining."

Xander beamed. "Plus, who else would Spike have as his best man? Clem?"

Angel muttered something under his breath. "I am being punished"

Spike smirked slightly stealing his mug of blood

"What did I do this time?", sighed Angel, allowing him to take it.

"Wtusssssssh", said Xander, amused, making a whip cracking motion with his hand, "Man, I've waited so long for the Wutussh Guy to be someone other than me"

Spike took a sip before looking at Xander, “No one is more whipped than you Harris”.

"Yes, but I no longer have a whipper", smirked Xander.

Angel looked at his paperweight, contemplated, then decided he didn't want to make Buffy mad by killing one of her people. "I am not whipped"

Spike stroked Angel's hair before looking at Angel. “You're whipped with no sex, you're worse off."

Angel leant into his touch, smirking at Xander. "He's got a point, Xand"

Xander folded his arms. "Just because I'm getting no nookie doesn't mean I'm worse off. I'm fine, thank you. And I'm not whipped, there are no whippers after Xander Harris"

"Course not, it's why you're all the way over here.", replied Spike.

"I'm here because I want to point and make fun of you", said Xander, "Then I found out about the whole wedding thing and was even more amused" He gave a nervous laugh. "You'd swear you'd think Buffy asked me to spy on you or something"

Spike looked at him pointedly.

"Because she SO didn't", laughed Xander, "Oh, look, books!"

Spike rolled his eyes, "What does she think we're doing?"

"Well, you guys vanished off the face of the planet after a great big giant dragon went off after you", said Xander pointedly, "She wanted to make sure you weren't, you know, dragon food or something"

"How considerate of her", sighed Angel, "...It's not like we couldn't handle ourselves"

Spike looked at Angel amused, "It was a dragon though"

"But I killed it with my sword", said Angel, folding his arms.

"And then forgot to tell Buffy", said Xander, "And she was already pissed because Blondie here didn't tell her he wasn't dust when she thought he was"

Spike shrugged, "It's better off them thinking me dead. Then having to explain it all."

"You mean like explaining you weren't, in fact, dead and that we all mourned you for nothing?", asked Xander, folding his arms, "And that she found out because Andrew had to tell her. Andrew. That’s worse than having a big gay clown telling you he just ran over your dog in his itty bitty clown car".

He rolled his eyes. "It is not, she knows now anyway."

"You'll find it is so", said Xander, "And yes, she did. Be thankful you were in L.A with your hands cut off"

"Oh yes, that's something to be thankful for", said Angel, rolling his eyes.

Spike raised a brow at Xander, At least my hands could be put back on cyclops."

"Hey, ouch!", said Xander, "We'll you're.....you're just MEAN"

"Be nice, kids", said Angel with a soft chuckle, turning a page in his book, "Or I won't take you to Disneyland"

Spike smirked, “Yeah that comes with the fangs." He replied "Like you can deny me anything." He added looking at Angel.

"What happened to 'I have a soul, I'm a good puppy now?'", asked Xander, folding his arms.

Angel arched a brow, smirking. "I'll put my foot down on the Disneyland issue"

Spike glanced at Xander "Doesn’t' count with you." He replied amused before glancing back at his sire "Yeah right...that won't last." He chuckled

"Wow? I'm special?", asked Xander, fluttering his eye, which really didn't have the same effect as it did with a pair, "Really and truely, Mr. Spike? Well, gawsh!

Angel gave Xander a curious look, before giving Spike a smug smile. "Oh, yes it will", he said, turning a page deliberately as he went back to reading, "No Disneyland for you"

Spike stroked the mark on Angel's neck. "Fine I'll just take your ticket. If you want to turn up and come with me its up to you."

Spike grimaced at the look on Xander's face.

Angel closed his eyes, letting out a small whimper. "That's not going to work"

Xander paused in his eyebatting. "What the hell was that?"

Spike rubbed his mark mercilessly before looking at Xander, "What was what?"

"The thing with the deady vampire being turned into a whimpery twitchy ball of vampire goo", said Xander, pointing at Angel, who was biting his lower lip, trying his best to ignore Spike and not going a good job of it.

Spike raised a brow, "You didn't think he was he one in charge did you?"

"You're not in charge", grumbled Angel half-heartedly.

"....My brain just went to bad, scary places", said Xander, shuddering, "It will be something interesting to tell my support group when I finally get taken away to the special place"

Spike smirked "You keep thinking that." He replied before sitting up and looking at Xander "You're the one that wanted to come and spy on us

"I did not want to, I was asked ...", Xander stopped himself, "There is no spying. No spying is being done here"

"You're incredibly terrible at lying, you know that. Xander?", asked Angel, shooting Spike a glare, going back to reading.

Spike grinned back before looking at Xander, "Why'd she want to know anyway?"

"Like I said, just wanted to know you weren't little tiny piles of dust", shrugged Xander, "Don't expect me to know how Buffy's mind works, I've known her for years, and I still don't understand it's many complexities"

Angel rolled his eyes, lifting one of Spike's legs, grabbing the book he'd sat on.

Spike shifted refusing to move off the table. "No you just do it because you're whipped

"I am not whipped!", whined Xander, "There is no whipping. Buffy asks me nicely to do things and I agree because we are friends"

"And you're scared she'll give you her look", said Angel, trying to tug the book from under Spike.

Spike scowled "I hated the look."

"I think we all hated the look", said Xander, shuddering, "Not that I got the look too often, because unlike you two idiots, I never slept with her"

"Stop talking now, Xander", said Angel, giving the book a stronger tug, "You know how to stop talking, right?"

Spike shifted, "No he doesn't he's a complete blabber mouth." He replied

"There is no blabbering!", defended Xander, "I can stop speaking any time I like. Any time at all., Give me a time, and I'll stop talking. Just like that"

As Spike shifted, Angel gave the book an extra sharp tug. Vampire strength and no more resistance resulted in the heavier-set vampire falling back on his chair, thumping to the floor. "...Ow"

"....Nice to see you're still the graceful creature of the night we know and love", smirked Xander.

Spike rolled his eyes, lighting up he blew smoke at Xander

Xander coughed, waving the smoke away. "Thanks, Spike, I needed me some second-hand smoke"

Angel picked himself back up, sitting back down with a wince. "You could have warned me before you did that"

"Pleasure." He replied breathing in, "What were you thinking, you were pulling at me."

"I was pulling at the book", said Angel, raising the book, before grumping and starting to read it, "You sat on it"

Xander chuckled. "You guys are like an old married couple already"

"Well you shouldn't have had it where I was going to sit." He replied whacking the back of Xander's head."

"I'm sorry, I can't predict where you're going to sit, I can't see the future", said Angel dryly, "Not unless I turned into Lorne overnight, anyway"

"OW!", yelped Xander, ducking his head, "Stop it with the blind side!"

"You should leave a space clear for me then shouldn't you." He replied before smirking at Xander.

Angel blinked at him. "It is a desk, papers go on the desk", he said, "You are supposed to sit on my chair or other comfortable places not spoken of in company"

"Oh yes, because saying it like that didn't make me feel uncomfortable at all", said Xander dryly, rubbing his head.

Spike smirked looking at Angel, "You don't mind me sitting on here yesterday."

"That was different", grumbled Angel, flustered, shuffling his papers.
Xander shook his head. "I don't want to know, Idon'twantotknow, Idon'twanttoknow"

Spike smirked, "You wanted to spy on us Harris."

"There is no spying!", yelped Xander, "And it's Buffy, anyway!"

"You're her little eyes and ears. She may as well know everything."

"Correction, I am her little eye, HAH!", said Xander, then blinked, "No...wait..no hah. And I really don't want any more information now, please. There is enough detail to cause my brain to implode"

Spike shrugged, "That's your own fault."

"Is he still here?", sighed Angel tiredly from his book.

"How is it my own fault?", asked Xander, "I didn't say, 'Hey, guys, do give me hints at what you get up to in the bedroom, I really like the nausea it gives me'"

"He is, Lorne might want him in the club, that'd keep him busy. Then don't sit where we've had sex." He replied finishing raising a brow at Xander

"....I don't think even Lorne would take him", said Angel with a grimace, "And Lorne's pretty open minded"

"I don't want to be pimped out to a dem....", Xander blinked as Spike's words hit him, jumping up, "BAD COUCH!"

Spike smirked "You're going to run out of places to sit." He replied before chuckling, "Worth a shot, he'll need a job if he's going to keep spying on us."

"Do you get EVERYWHERE?", grimaced Xander.

"We haven't got to the kitchen yet, we're not allowed", mused Angel, then looked at Spike, "Xander couldn't dance to save his life"

"He's done it before."

Angel's eyebrow jutted up.

"You promised NEVER to speak of that!", said Xander, wide-eyed.

Spike smirked, "Do you want to get the look from Buffy or not?"

"I....", Xander whimpered, "I am not an object to be objectified. And I don't have to stay here, I can do important slayer-finding buisness....that's important"
He considered.
"Then Buffy would be mad"

Spike nodded, "He probably still has some costumes somewhere."

"I'm not wearing costumes!", protested Xander, "I'm a carpenter, not a dancer. Car-pent-er"

"....Do we really want to see Xander dressed like that?", asked Angel, "I mean, that's the sort of thing that could give you nightmares"

"We don't have to go down and look at him." He chuckled

"That's good, because I really don't want to see him dance in any way, shape or form", replied Angel

"THERE WILL BE NO DANCING!", yelled Xander, "Xander Harris does NOT dance"

He sighed, "I suppose he could keep you for repairs then, his club has an unhealthy habit of being destroyed."

"No kidding", said Xander, "What with it being a DEMON BAR and all"

Angel gave him a smile. "Or you can go back to Buffy and we'll change all our plans so it'll look like you didn't come here at all"

Xander frowned, pulling his pencil from his jacket, pointing it at Angel. "Are you sure you're not evil again? Because that's very sneaky and cruel"

Spike chuckled, "Shouldn't play if you can't take it Captain Hook."

"....I dislike you both greatly, you know, that, right?", grumped Xander, putting away his pencil, "And you guys have to tell Buffy eventually, you know"

"People keep saying that", said Angel, "I really wish they wouldn't"

Spike grumbled, "Angel's going to tell her."

"No, we're both going to tell her", said Angel, "I'm not doing it by myself. Not when she gets those big, sad eyes"

Spike grumbled, "Wuss." He replied.

"Then you tell her", muttered Angel, folding his arms.

"Meanwhile, on Kindergarten Television...", said Xander, shaking his head, "You'd honestly think you guys were afraid of telling her"

"You try telling her then." He replied looking pointedly at Xander

"Fine, I will", smiled Xander, pulling out his cell phone.

Spike's eyes widened and he snatched the phone. "Don't you dare."

"You just told me to tell her", said Xander smugly, then held out his hand, "Can I have my phone back? We kind of need to stay in touch as a super-awesome cohesive unit"

Angel tsked, going back to his books.

Spike grumbled throwing it back to him, "Try out your depth perception."

Xander fumbled to catch it, managing a rather desperate dive before the thing hit the floor. "No fair, picking on the one with one eye!"

Angel rolled his eyes. "Play nice with the one eyes loser, Spike"

Spike sighed, "I don't want to."

"If you're nice to Xander, I'll let you use the shackles and have blood-body paint later", replied Angel, not looking up from his book.

"....And my mind has gone to the bad place again", said Xander.

Spike smirked slightly, "The tighter ones?"

"If you like", said Angel, then held up a finger, "But only if you're nice to Xander"

Xander shuddered. "The images are scary and not right"

He sighed poking at the table. "Fine." He grumbled.

Angel smiled, grabbing Spike's arm, pulling him onto his lap, giving him a nuzzle. "For a little bit, anyway"

"Oh, I don't need to see this", said Xander turning his seeing side away from then.

Spike smiled moving his head down kissing him softly "Go down and find Lorne then. He's probably in the club with the dancers."

"Gladly", said Xander, "I've been scarred enough for life for one day, thank you"

"Don't let the door hit you on the way out", mumbled Angel against Spike's lips.

Spike grinned with a soft groan nipping at his lip as he straddled him, "Get a move on Harris." He replied waving his hand

Angel smirked, nipping his jawline. "You can stay in the spare room"
Xander made a 'belch' sound, making a break for the door and heading into the club.

Spike's laughter followed him out of the door.