{me = confused}
Okay. Well. I don't really have anything to "update" about, because nothing interesting has happened lately. Each day I do the same thing. Nothing out of the ordinary. I wake up (after noon most days), maybe talk to a few people, maybe hang out with Mike, eat, and sleep. I am tired of living this way. I am tired of living a life without passion, without excitement. Yes, I know what you are thinking. We are teenagers, we still have our whole life ahead of us. But what if we don't? My worst fear in life is dying and being forgotten. If I died tomorrow, what would I be remembered for? Would I even be remembered at all? I have done nothing that great in my life. Sure, I'm good at some things. Like piano for example. But do I play the piano often? No, I don't. I am very creative, and I love to make things. But how often do I make things? Not very often at all. I AM FUCKING TIRED OF DOING THIS. PROMISING MYSELF THAT I WILL CHANGE AND NEVER DOING IT. I really do not know what it will take to get out of this routine that I have been in as of late, but I'm up for suggestions. I can not do this by myself. I need someone to help me rearrange my life. It feels as if my life is a puzzle that has been put back together the wrong way. I don't like this feeling. Not one bit. I've realized that I have very few true friends. I don't know who I can count on anymore, and that is one of the worst feelings in the world. I want a best friend. I need a best friend. Someone that knows me inside and out, someone that I can count on AT ALL TIMES, someone that I truly love for everything that they are and everything that they aren't. I have not had a best friend since my friend Emily moved to New York in third grade. We did everything together. I am just now realizing how I am so totally lost without her. She is such a wonderful and amazing person and I don't talk to her NEARLY as much as I would like to. And Emily, (if you are reading this, which I think you might), I love you very much and if at all possible, I will be in New York to see you in August.
Okay. hm. Well I just showed Mike what I had written so far ^^^^^^^ and he brought up some really good points. As he said, I need to look at things in different lights. Maybe my life seems boring, but.. if you look at it a different way.. at least I am doing whatever the hell I want to this summer. I don't really have to worry about a thing. Everyone gets bored at one point during the summer. It is slow for everyone, not just me. And then.. he reminded me of the real friends that I do have.. like him and Anna for example.. and yeah, I really should be thankful for those that I do have. God I am so lucky to have someone like him. Like.. wow, I don't even know. Ah. He is wonderfully wonderful.
Okay. hm. Well I just showed Mike what I had written so far ^^^^^^^ and he brought up some really good points. As he said, I need to look at things in different lights. Maybe my life seems boring, but.. if you look at it a different way.. at least I am doing whatever the hell I want to this summer. I don't really have to worry about a thing. Everyone gets bored at one point during the summer. It is slow for everyone, not just me. And then.. he reminded me of the real friends that I do have.. like him and Anna for example.. and yeah, I really should be thankful for those that I do have. God I am so lucky to have someone like him. Like.. wow, I don't even know. Ah. He is wonderfully wonderful.