pumpkin seeds
So hmm let's see, I don't remember the last time I wrote anything in here. Probably like 50 million years ago.
My summer has been pretty excellent. I haven't done anything particularly exciting or interesting and I don't have a job anymore, but it's still been very nice. I've been spending lots of time with Ian. He is pretty spectacular. Before I met him I couldn't really see myself staying with the same person for a long period of time, but I definitely don't see us breaking up anytime soon. We're pretty much exactly alike, we never argue, and he pretty much worships me. Thinking about how perfect everything is kind of scares me, because I've never had such a deep connection with another person before. He makes me feel things I didn't even know existed until now. I don't know. He makes me very, very happy.
I haven't been hanging out with my friends as much as I would like to be, but I think that's given me time to realize a lot of things about myself and other people. I haven't been drunk or high in liiiike, 3 months? And I haven't shoplifted since probably about 4 months ago. And I haven't lied to my parents about anything serious in awhile either. I don't know. It just feels really really good, because I no longer have to worry about getting caught in a lie or anything else like that. I'm still going to therapy, which has helped me in ways I can't explain. If God exists, I'm pretty sure that my therapist is an angel sent down from Heaven or something because she's so wonderful and has helped me realize so many things about myself that I never knew before.
In other news, Carly and I are friends again. She called me last week and apologized for being a stupid bitch and said that everything that I said about her was true and that she couldn't live without me. So that was nice to hear. I'm really glad we're friends again, because I missed her a lot. I don't think that we will ever be best friends again, but that's okay.
I don't know. I feel like I've grown a lot in the past few months. I've realized that I don't need to go to parties and get high all the time to have fun. It kind of hurts my feelings when I tell people that I don't party anymore and they don't believe me. But as long as I know the truth, and feel good about myself for it, it doesn't really matter to me whether other people believe me or not. I'm still having trouble convincing my mom, because I've lied so much to her in the past. She still accuses me of spraying perfume on myself right before I walk in the door to cover up the smell of smoke. It's funny because whenever I really did do that to cover up the smell of weed, she never noticed, but when I'm not even wearing perfume at all, she thinks I'm hiding something. Oh well. I think we have a better relationship, as good as it's ever going to be. Same with my dad. We don't talk about much but he's only an asshole part of the time now which is good.
Blah. I'm just ready to go to college and get the hell out of here. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's the truth. There are so few people here that I actually have things in common with and that appreciate and understand me. Most just think I'm some worthless hippie that cares too much about trees and animals and stuff. I just can't wait to go to college and finally meet people like me. I've been feeling sort of snobby lately, because I just don't really feel like talking to people sometimes. I just don't see the point. I cannot stand small talk. I know that makes me sound like a bitch but it's the truth. I don't see the point in talking to people that have nothing to offer me, and people that I have nothing to give back to. I'm pretty sure that that is kind of how the world works, that you are supposed to be nice and talk to people that you really couldn't care less about, but I'm not really into that anymore. I used to try to be really nice to everyone but I've pretty much given up on that. I am nice to people who I care about and who are nice to me. Okay so I really don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just getting caught up in lots of thoughts and I'm pretty sure nobody is even reading this but that's okay I guess.
I think that is all.
My summer has been pretty excellent. I haven't done anything particularly exciting or interesting and I don't have a job anymore, but it's still been very nice. I've been spending lots of time with Ian. He is pretty spectacular. Before I met him I couldn't really see myself staying with the same person for a long period of time, but I definitely don't see us breaking up anytime soon. We're pretty much exactly alike, we never argue, and he pretty much worships me. Thinking about how perfect everything is kind of scares me, because I've never had such a deep connection with another person before. He makes me feel things I didn't even know existed until now. I don't know. He makes me very, very happy.
I haven't been hanging out with my friends as much as I would like to be, but I think that's given me time to realize a lot of things about myself and other people. I haven't been drunk or high in liiiike, 3 months? And I haven't shoplifted since probably about 4 months ago. And I haven't lied to my parents about anything serious in awhile either. I don't know. It just feels really really good, because I no longer have to worry about getting caught in a lie or anything else like that. I'm still going to therapy, which has helped me in ways I can't explain. If God exists, I'm pretty sure that my therapist is an angel sent down from Heaven or something because she's so wonderful and has helped me realize so many things about myself that I never knew before.
In other news, Carly and I are friends again. She called me last week and apologized for being a stupid bitch and said that everything that I said about her was true and that she couldn't live without me. So that was nice to hear. I'm really glad we're friends again, because I missed her a lot. I don't think that we will ever be best friends again, but that's okay.
I don't know. I feel like I've grown a lot in the past few months. I've realized that I don't need to go to parties and get high all the time to have fun. It kind of hurts my feelings when I tell people that I don't party anymore and they don't believe me. But as long as I know the truth, and feel good about myself for it, it doesn't really matter to me whether other people believe me or not. I'm still having trouble convincing my mom, because I've lied so much to her in the past. She still accuses me of spraying perfume on myself right before I walk in the door to cover up the smell of smoke. It's funny because whenever I really did do that to cover up the smell of weed, she never noticed, but when I'm not even wearing perfume at all, she thinks I'm hiding something. Oh well. I think we have a better relationship, as good as it's ever going to be. Same with my dad. We don't talk about much but he's only an asshole part of the time now which is good.
Blah. I'm just ready to go to college and get the hell out of here. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's the truth. There are so few people here that I actually have things in common with and that appreciate and understand me. Most just think I'm some worthless hippie that cares too much about trees and animals and stuff. I just can't wait to go to college and finally meet people like me. I've been feeling sort of snobby lately, because I just don't really feel like talking to people sometimes. I just don't see the point. I cannot stand small talk. I know that makes me sound like a bitch but it's the truth. I don't see the point in talking to people that have nothing to offer me, and people that I have nothing to give back to. I'm pretty sure that that is kind of how the world works, that you are supposed to be nice and talk to people that you really couldn't care less about, but I'm not really into that anymore. I used to try to be really nice to everyone but I've pretty much given up on that. I am nice to people who I care about and who are nice to me. Okay so I really don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm just getting caught up in lots of thoughts and I'm pretty sure nobody is even reading this but that's okay I guess.
I think that is all.