Is an affair ever justified?

[flslurp]

I know the answer to this should always be "no". The problem is that I have a much greater sex drive than my wife. I am rarely allowed inside her (the last time was, if I remember correctly, before Christmas), and even when I am her attitude is usually one of "get it over with

Comments

Of course it's justifiable.

[anonymous]

Sorry my friend, having an affair is not the "cowards way out." Sulking is the coward's way out.

Is love possible without sex? Many of you seem to think so.
Think of it this way.
Can you love your sister without having sex with them? (I'm being rhetorical, don't answer that.) Of COURSE you can. But it's a different KIND of love. It's not spousal love.
All you are is a man who is fond of his roommate the way he might love a child or a sibling. Spousal love is fundamentally different, and if you don't MAKE love, it dies. It did for her -- don't for a minute think otherwise. Get her to a therapist that understands these fundamentals. Because TRUST me, your wife's libido (if not hormonal, lack of enough Testosterone) is a simple signal that her feelings have changed. You're a roommate. A living wallet for her children (and that's what she thinks, believe me -- that they're hers.)
This plays out in SO MANY MARRIAGES and women simply don't understand the role that intimacy plays in marriage (many women confuse intimacy -- sex -- for proximity, which is cuddling, being close, talking, etc.) A sexless marriage is meaningless. Think of it this way. You can get proximity from a stripper or some random guy on the bus. You can get sex from a prostitute. They're all meaningless unless you care about the person. Does she care about you any more? She is deliberately ignoring your needs, and that's clue #1 first and foremost. She's done. She loves you like a brother or friendly neighbor, if she loves you at all.
If you decide to stay, be honest with her and create an arrangement. As Dan Savage once said, no sex falls under the "for worse" category in the vows, but only for one person. So does an affair. One of her needs is sexual distance from you. If she still wants you around, stay, and have your sexual needs taken care of outside the marriage. Just make sure she knows about it, knows when you do it, and most importantly, she knows WHY!

Re: Of course it's justifiable.

[flslurp]

You wondered if she cares about me any more. To be honest, I think the answer is no. I think for some long time I have been, as you put it, a living wallet. In fact, she has said several times that if it weren't for the money she would have left.

What I'm most worried about is not getting the chance to see my daughter grow up - and not being able to prevent my wife from screwing up our daughter when it comes to intimate relationships the same way her mother did to her.

For the moment, that alone is worth staying for.