First Official Real Post
It has been a wild and interesting ride so far.
I have alot to say today (as usual) its just been nuts. One word... Men. (not said sarcastically ..but in a manner of - "I am in sooo much trouble*
Ok, let's see.... I left off last fretting about not having received a call or a message from Aaron, we'll pick up there.
I've spoken with Aaron and it wasn't what I was thinking at all. As it turns out, he was unable to call due to his lady being in his presence ...she all of a sudden wanted to spend all this time with him, which made it hard for him to communicate with me. I was able to catch up with him while he was on his way home from work. He expressed a deep desire to see me again and would like to continue seeing me. I thought to myself..yay. Because I loved being with him - he was great and I had his personality pegged right too.
Quiet and reserved on the outside - but on the inside a whole other guy waiting to be unleashed. We spoke last yesterday afternoon and again last night. He was in such a sexy mood ...he talked about wanting to dominate me and how he would do it. Why does that excite me??!! I mean, I love a little rough play and when I heard say what he wanted to do to me and how - I got wet in an instant. I wanted to be with him soo bad yesterday. I am looking forward to our next meeting. That conversation was great and he even gave me a little taste of what’s in store for me.
See..I think its the confidence that one exudes when they are in a dominant state of mind that turns me on. Its not necessarily beating the crap out of me...I like pain but not bleeding and being horrible deformed from bruising - its the attitude. "I control what you will do because that’s my pussy." That attitude, that confidence and the demeanor that goes along with it. And I love putting up a fight..it gives me a chance to test the strength of those that try. Hubby could never do it and freaks out every time I ask him to.
Aaron ...yes. So I'm ready to test him out. We are trying to meet soon - because I want him in that exact mood that he was in yesterday, I want it as strong as it was yesterday - if not more. Can't wait.
Now for the other news....
I am turning in to a whore.
Yes, I am turning in to a whore...a horrible lying whore at that!
As it is known with most of everyone I speak with - I love men..all men - I love them and hate them all equally. Men are my weakness and in the past few weeks and days that has never been more apparent.
A week ago I met a man on yahoo. In the first what....8 minutes of conversation he asked me to be his lover and then told me that he wanted to be mine. This was all before I volunteered any personal information - as a matter of fact, the only thing I did say was "I'm married" thats all I said.
We talked - he wants a special woman to share special moments with and feels that I could be that person....again all before I volunteered any real personal info. The beginning of our conversation was about how some guy got pissed off at me because I held a normal conversation with him without the intent of sleeping with him.
Yes, I do that from time to time - hold normal conversations without wanting to have sex or talk about sexual things.
So when he asked me if we could hook up the next night - without knowing my name or anything and I declined - he got pissed off, he told me I would like it , we were both looking for the same thing and then asked "what the fuck is the problem." And I should have said something before all of that because I was wasting his time. So my new friend there tells me - what do you care that he’s pissed off or upset with you? It’s the internet and I thought, true - I really shouldn’t care. So we talked and he told me what he was looking for. A lover that will be very affectionate and very giving with him, someone that will cling to him when they meet and then he asked me if I could be that person - to which I responded, I don’t know. I thought for sure Aaron had abandoned our lovely little beginnings of an affair, so I told him I didn’t know.
So then he goes into this schpiel about how we are both looking for the same thing and how we could be that for each other and he knows he could give me what I wanted. I thought to myself - he is so sure of himself and knows nothing about me. Then he asked me my name and pressed more about why I should be his lover. I told him I’d think about it..lol
He said he didn’t want to be like the other guy wasting his time and that I needed to be sure -and I said my thinking about it would allow me to do so. Well then this little dominant side began to appear…"I’m going to be your lover and you will be my lover". I thought - well now that you’ve cleared up any doubts I have, thank you..lol
We have talked again, the day before yesterday as a matter of fact and he addressed me as his lover again then asked when and where we could meet. He said that I needed him to make love to me. I chuckled, he said he couldn’t wait to give me the pleasure that I need and deserve and I chuckled again - then he called me his…"Sweet Baby" and I laughed. I know he was trying to be romantic and seductive but it was all just so funny.
One day you’re introducing yourself the next day you are making indecent proposals…..hilarious. So I agreed to hold a few conversations with him. He wanted to meet me without the pressure of sex but stated that I had to want him and be clingy and very affectionate. Now - what if I’m not feeling affectionate …I mean, I am a friendly person, more friendly than most but I don’t just go hard kissing, groping and sucking on strangers..lol I like at least a little background on the person, ya know. I honestly don’t know what some guys think when they meet women online. I guess we are all supposed to be super easy and ready to please. I’m hard up for affection but not that hard up.
It just doesn’t feel right ..ya know. He’s too pushy and this is the guy that told me to get to know people as much as I can or until I feel comfortable before I venture to meet with them. He said that and yet began to pressure me about a meeting. So I expressed my want for needing to get to know him better ..and he asked me why I was being so hesitant - to which I had to repeat is exact words. You know what he said?? "Damn"
So we’re talking - but I doubt a meeting will happen, it just feels too creepy.
And last but not least…
A tale of scandal, sex (or the wanting of), lies and livejournal.
My story begins a few weeks ago when I came across the journal of a man that lives in my city. I read it and decided I’d drop him a little comment telling him how cool his journal was then add him to keep up with his posts and that was that. A week later - there is a reply to my comment and even a reply to a post I made. I thought cool……but there is a big problem.
This isn’t the only account in LJ that Regina has…yes, I have two journals. But that’s not the bad part. When hubby and I began having our issues…a friend suggested that I get an online journal - the other journal has been in existence for quite sometime. But that’s not all…
You say - what else could there possibly be Regina??? What’s the big deal, so you have two journals - so what??!
……The old journal contains material - of what my life would have been like had I divorced at that time. Meaning….I lied about being married in that journal. Some life events are the same - even the relationships that I have with certain friends that I haven’t mentioned here..but the names are different as well as some situations. I’m a liar!!
What does it matter people lie in LJ all the time right???
Problem is, when I left that comment - totally not realizing what journal I was in at the time - I added him to my friends list and he added me. The problem is, for the past few days we’ve been chatting and getting to know each other and flirting heavily while doing so….the problem is, he doesn’t know that I am still married……THE PROBLEM IS……that I like him and I would really like to fuck him but that I have not told him yet that I am married, nor that I have another LJ that contains my life in complete truth.
I’M A LIAR!!!!
I have no idea how or what to do. A good friend told me today that I should just keep up the lie and have fun..or just tell him that hubby is a live in boyfriend. I don’t know….something says just tell him to see what and how he reacts to it all. Just tell him the truth and give him the chance to decide for himself what he wants to do and I really want to do that, but I’m kinda afraid that - he won’t want anything to do with me…and I really really want to get to know this guy, sex aside - I would really like to get to know him.
I found out he’s a lawyer - so it wouldn’t be the first time he’s dealt with a liar right?? Lol And I’ve been asking him questions about what he thinks of certain situations to gauge his response. We talked about a motel that we’ve both had a few dates end up and another motel that used to be the place where everyone having an affair would go ..and he his response.. "That’s hot".
Something says he’ll be ok with what’s going on with me and still something says - he won’t have anything to do with you woman. Then something says, just tell him and if he wants nothing to do with ya , good because you are a total flirt whore and this will be your lesson.
I’m a whore - do you see this, all of these men… I am a complete whore!!…..lol
Advice guys…please - anything, tell me how bad of a person I am, tell me I’ll burn in hell - just tell me something - tell me what to do.
Sooner (very soon actually)
Disclaimer: I will not tell anyone what the name of the other journal account is so don’t ask. If you happen to stumble upon it, I ask that you keep what you know to yourself. If by chance said cuteness finds this one and reads it….I am sorry, forgive me and whatever you want - you get. Whatever it is you want.