entry11810 -"an outline of yesterday's thoughts carried over"
i1:weirdness - bodily language translation?
i2:annoying xisms
i3:possible prediction...>>?
i4:yep. i'm still an idiot.
wtf is up with my body? the last couple days i've been craving, with a scary passion, baked mac-n-cheese... the kind with hash brown crunchy-crusty stuff. Hope, you still got that recipe?
another thing... eggs... been wanting to woof down eggs. not the yolks but the whites. still can't quite tolerate the yellow part very well. oh and the pickles... made the x buy a big jar of dill baby gherkins that were swimming in brine. and if you get between me and my fried chicken (southen style extra crispy with a bite back sugars n hunnees!) you're bound to loose a hand or paw. seriously babees... i Will bitecha.
my body feels... weird. like it's in transition. not like a Bad transition. though i been sick as all get out but now i'm wondering if that's Because my body's gearing up for something I'm not totally aware of coming.
often when things are working forward health wise, it means the person experiencing the changes feel like total shit until things get straightened out. and i'm wondering if that's what i've been feeling lately. between the "strange" cravings (they'd be normal for most people but for me going without that sort of food for several Years, it's really Freaky to me!) and the more regular periods... yeah i'm wondering what the hell is going on here. but we'll see what it turns up.
apparently "i don't want to buy it" doesn't stop the x from scarfing down my trail mix. when i growled at him about it, his response of "i said i didn't want to buy it, i didn't say i don't like it." nearly got him clocked. this is going back to the whole 'do Not touch/take my food.' rule.
another thing that irks me no end... i don't get to rest too often, and i seldom even Request down time. and he's always on me about how He wants to just sit and relax to which i don't pitch a fit. yet, Every Friggin time i say i need to rest/relax/take a breather and just not do anything, what does he do? piss and moan about how we had plans to do something that day. never mind how many times he pissed off plans to do something so he could sit there and play vids for hours on end. Me needing down time is unacceptable. since it's my hair and it wasn't like he has been in any rush to help me with this for some time, i really don't get why he was bitching about it.
i get the feeling spring's coming early this year. no idea why, just a feeling in my bones.
i could mention some other stuff i think might be possibly surfacing in the future/near future, but i won't. i'll leave the rest of it in the 'we'll see' category.
i still think about him. still pray for something to happen between us. still have a teensy part of me that thinks there could still be a future.
and then i get myself upset when i think about the next however many years i have left ahead of me without him in them. and i still find myself wandering through the baby things section of stores and thinking there's still time.
i know there isn't. or if there is even a few miliseconds left in the old bio-clock, nobody to have a kid with. and No the x is Not an option. he doesn't like kids much less Me so yeah, that would be a Huge HUGE mistake. not to mention the whole situation is a bad time to even consider it.
and yet...
i remember the long talks Marty and i had about kids and it hurts. yes Still.
sooo... in closing, yup, i'm still an idiot.
≠♥
~(*~
i2:annoying xisms
i3:possible prediction...>>?
i4:yep. i'm still an idiot.
wtf is up with my body? the last couple days i've been craving, with a scary passion, baked mac-n-cheese... the kind with hash brown crunchy-crusty stuff. Hope, you still got that recipe?
another thing... eggs... been wanting to woof down eggs. not the yolks but the whites. still can't quite tolerate the yellow part very well. oh and the pickles... made the x buy a big jar of dill baby gherkins that were swimming in brine. and if you get between me and my fried chicken (southen style extra crispy with a bite back sugars n hunnees!) you're bound to loose a hand or paw. seriously babees... i Will bitecha.
my body feels... weird. like it's in transition. not like a Bad transition. though i been sick as all get out but now i'm wondering if that's Because my body's gearing up for something I'm not totally aware of coming.
often when things are working forward health wise, it means the person experiencing the changes feel like total shit until things get straightened out. and i'm wondering if that's what i've been feeling lately. between the "strange" cravings (they'd be normal for most people but for me going without that sort of food for several Years, it's really Freaky to me!) and the more regular periods... yeah i'm wondering what the hell is going on here. but we'll see what it turns up.
apparently "i don't want to buy it" doesn't stop the x from scarfing down my trail mix. when i growled at him about it, his response of "i said i didn't want to buy it, i didn't say i don't like it." nearly got him clocked. this is going back to the whole 'do Not touch/take my food.' rule.
another thing that irks me no end... i don't get to rest too often, and i seldom even Request down time. and he's always on me about how He wants to just sit and relax to which i don't pitch a fit. yet, Every Friggin time i say i need to rest/relax/take a breather and just not do anything, what does he do? piss and moan about how we had plans to do something that day. never mind how many times he pissed off plans to do something so he could sit there and play vids for hours on end. Me needing down time is unacceptable. since it's my hair and it wasn't like he has been in any rush to help me with this for some time, i really don't get why he was bitching about it.
i get the feeling spring's coming early this year. no idea why, just a feeling in my bones.
i could mention some other stuff i think might be possibly surfacing in the future/near future, but i won't. i'll leave the rest of it in the 'we'll see' category.
i still think about him. still pray for something to happen between us. still have a teensy part of me that thinks there could still be a future.
and then i get myself upset when i think about the next however many years i have left ahead of me without him in them. and i still find myself wandering through the baby things section of stores and thinking there's still time.
i know there isn't. or if there is even a few miliseconds left in the old bio-clock, nobody to have a kid with. and No the x is Not an option. he doesn't like kids much less Me so yeah, that would be a Huge HUGE mistake. not to mention the whole situation is a bad time to even consider it.
and yet...
i remember the long talks Marty and i had about kids and it hurts. yes Still.
sooo... in closing, yup, i'm still an idiot.
≠♥
~(*~