(no subject)
It was a hard day.
The day started with a meeting which was a follow-up from our salary discussion almost two weeks ago. It started with me discussing the grant I'm working on that will, hopefully, raise all our salaries. After that, Anita just completely fucked herself (and me) over. She started with, "I recognized Gretchen's leadership potential right away..."
WHY does she do this to me?! You may think this is a good thing. It's not. It's a BAD thing. She pulls me over and aligns me on her side against the rest of the staff, or elevates me to some kind of pedestal... and all it does is piss people off.
It pisses people off, and destroys whatever credibility I might otherwise have. That credibility has nearly all been consumed in the fire of this process. This bothers me for one reason and one reason only: I feel like I've been pushed OUT of the team.
Working at ACCESS has been the first time I have EVER felt like a part of a team. Not just a part... but a valued part. And Anita's hijinks have pretty well fucked THAT up.
The meeting just went downhill from there. It ended with Tami being charged, as the only person to disagree with the idea of doing a combo plan of hiring an AD and working as a management team, with finding another alternative.
I feel like the one reason she's so resistent to the idea of hiring an assistant director is she wants more money. The $2300 raise that she's likely to get from the grant I'm writing isn't enough. She wants the original plan of $4600 for people on the hand-picked administrative team to go through. That is NOT an option in any way, shape, or form now.
She told me later that her unwillingness to go through with it was more due to her feeling that hiring an AD would just be a cover-up for how ineffectual Anita is. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Whatever it was... I can't adequately explain just how BAD that meeting was. At the beginning, when Anita was talking about handing me the AD job on a fucking silver platter, I reminded her that our policy states that we have to advertise positions externally. She pointed at Kirsten (the facilitator) and said, "Kirsten said we don't have to!"
I said, "well, I'm not comfortable with going around policy. That's not very true to our fiduciary duty." "fiduciary duty" is one of Anita's favorite fucking phrases. It pissed her off so much that I used it against her that she got up to try to find the policy and prove me wrong. The thing is... I'm not wrong. I know this because it's something we just dealt with very recently in regards to other positions, which I was adamant needed to be advertised.
Kirsten said, "Well, that's a stupid policy. Change it."
You know, I admire and respect Kirsten, but sometimes she doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.
After that... it was just one thing after another. One of my clients who moved out of state is hitting roadblock after roadblock in trying to maintain her safety and her children's safety. I had an insurance meeting, which of course makes my brain spin a bit (in particular when I'm told that Paradigm is charging us $500 to change the names on the policy... wtf?). People were poking at me, and then Anita disappeared yet AGAIN.
She had taken Thursday and Friday off, and then half the day today. Tomorrow she'll be gone all day at a meeting in Ottumwa. The leadership, it overwhelms.
Marvel later told me that Anita had managed to fuck three things up in those three short hours she was at the office. Not only that, but the executive committee, which was to meet this week, has postponed their meeting. I'm hoping against hope that they haven't actually postponed, but are instead going to meet in secret to discuss what to do about Anita. This is probably a vain hope, but...
Tami made mention during the meeting that the only thing I'd been doing for the last two months was being an intermediary between Anita and the staff. She's right. And I'm heartily fucking tired of it. I'm also more than a LITTLE nervous about how things are going to go while I'm in Seattle... I leave in roughly two weeks.
I finished off the day by checking five or six things off my list, including typing up notes for myself for court. I'm nervous about testifying; not because I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to be discombobulated if I'm forced to abandon my natural mode of communication (speaking) and rely on interpreters. Although... the interpreters that will be there tomorrow are two of the maybe four in this state that I would trust implicitly to voice for me in any situation.
I also finished off my day as one of the two people covering a shelter which needed four people to cover it. I am, obviously, completely useless when it comes to answering the phone... but Alysa wasn't much better, as she ignored the phone in favor of talking to a client. I had to yell at her from the break room, "Alysa, the phone is RINGING!" Jesus. She's a very sweet girl, but I don't know that she's all that bright.
Driving home, I literally felt like there was a black cloud of doom hanging over me. I wish I could just NOT take these things so to heart.
I headed home to teenagers who wanted to go to the mall for a promised shopping trip. For once, my brain worked... and I sent them to get money, and sent them to the mall alone. And then I got myself into pjs, braided my hair, took my pills, set my alarm clock, and climbed into bed. Which is where I am right now, because I have to be up at 5am and out the door at 6am.
And with that, I do believe I'll go to sleep...
The day started with a meeting which was a follow-up from our salary discussion almost two weeks ago. It started with me discussing the grant I'm working on that will, hopefully, raise all our salaries. After that, Anita just completely fucked herself (and me) over. She started with, "I recognized Gretchen's leadership potential right away..."
WHY does she do this to me?! You may think this is a good thing. It's not. It's a BAD thing. She pulls me over and aligns me on her side against the rest of the staff, or elevates me to some kind of pedestal... and all it does is piss people off.
It pisses people off, and destroys whatever credibility I might otherwise have. That credibility has nearly all been consumed in the fire of this process. This bothers me for one reason and one reason only: I feel like I've been pushed OUT of the team.
Working at ACCESS has been the first time I have EVER felt like a part of a team. Not just a part... but a valued part. And Anita's hijinks have pretty well fucked THAT up.
The meeting just went downhill from there. It ended with Tami being charged, as the only person to disagree with the idea of doing a combo plan of hiring an AD and working as a management team, with finding another alternative.
I feel like the one reason she's so resistent to the idea of hiring an assistant director is she wants more money. The $2300 raise that she's likely to get from the grant I'm writing isn't enough. She wants the original plan of $4600 for people on the hand-picked administrative team to go through. That is NOT an option in any way, shape, or form now.
She told me later that her unwillingness to go through with it was more due to her feeling that hiring an AD would just be a cover-up for how ineffectual Anita is. I suspect the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Whatever it was... I can't adequately explain just how BAD that meeting was. At the beginning, when Anita was talking about handing me the AD job on a fucking silver platter, I reminded her that our policy states that we have to advertise positions externally. She pointed at Kirsten (the facilitator) and said, "Kirsten said we don't have to!"
I said, "well, I'm not comfortable with going around policy. That's not very true to our fiduciary duty." "fiduciary duty" is one of Anita's favorite fucking phrases. It pissed her off so much that I used it against her that she got up to try to find the policy and prove me wrong. The thing is... I'm not wrong. I know this because it's something we just dealt with very recently in regards to other positions, which I was adamant needed to be advertised.
Kirsten said, "Well, that's a stupid policy. Change it."
You know, I admire and respect Kirsten, but sometimes she doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.
After that... it was just one thing after another. One of my clients who moved out of state is hitting roadblock after roadblock in trying to maintain her safety and her children's safety. I had an insurance meeting, which of course makes my brain spin a bit (in particular when I'm told that Paradigm is charging us $500 to change the names on the policy... wtf?). People were poking at me, and then Anita disappeared yet AGAIN.
She had taken Thursday and Friday off, and then half the day today. Tomorrow she'll be gone all day at a meeting in Ottumwa. The leadership, it overwhelms.
Marvel later told me that Anita had managed to fuck three things up in those three short hours she was at the office. Not only that, but the executive committee, which was to meet this week, has postponed their meeting. I'm hoping against hope that they haven't actually postponed, but are instead going to meet in secret to discuss what to do about Anita. This is probably a vain hope, but...
Tami made mention during the meeting that the only thing I'd been doing for the last two months was being an intermediary between Anita and the staff. She's right. And I'm heartily fucking tired of it. I'm also more than a LITTLE nervous about how things are going to go while I'm in Seattle... I leave in roughly two weeks.
I finished off the day by checking five or six things off my list, including typing up notes for myself for court. I'm nervous about testifying; not because I don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to be discombobulated if I'm forced to abandon my natural mode of communication (speaking) and rely on interpreters. Although... the interpreters that will be there tomorrow are two of the maybe four in this state that I would trust implicitly to voice for me in any situation.
I also finished off my day as one of the two people covering a shelter which needed four people to cover it. I am, obviously, completely useless when it comes to answering the phone... but Alysa wasn't much better, as she ignored the phone in favor of talking to a client. I had to yell at her from the break room, "Alysa, the phone is RINGING!" Jesus. She's a very sweet girl, but I don't know that she's all that bright.
Driving home, I literally felt like there was a black cloud of doom hanging over me. I wish I could just NOT take these things so to heart.
I headed home to teenagers who wanted to go to the mall for a promised shopping trip. For once, my brain worked... and I sent them to get money, and sent them to the mall alone. And then I got myself into pjs, braided my hair, took my pills, set my alarm clock, and climbed into bed. Which is where I am right now, because I have to be up at 5am and out the door at 6am.
And with that, I do believe I'll go to sleep...