the usual
I don't post very much anymore. I'm not sure why but I think it's a combination of a few distinct factors, none of which are of general interest. What would be of general interest is some of the great photos I took with my new camera while I was in California and Mexico. Of course I can't show you those because I stupidly left it in a bag that I checked and I suppose somebody...well, unchecked it for me, I guess.
But I digress.
So this is kind of my mid-semester update of sorts. I was worried at the beginning that I would find it impossible to get all my work done and end up failing at my goals. This, luckily, seems not to be entirely the case. I'm doing reasonably well in my Physics class, I'm very engaged in my Education class (and it's making me want to be a teacher even more) and the class on Newton's Principia continues to be interesting.
But, I'm still really unsettled. Physics is hard, and not very rewarding. For the amount of note-taking, reading, and problem-working I do, I have surprisingly few "Aha" moments where I really 'get' something. Studying Newton's Principia is similar...it's hard to read, the lectures are hard to follow, and at the end the only result is going to be a long term paper that I'm really worried about writing as of now. Education is kind of like the opposite: I'm really enjoying the readings, reshaping my perspectives on education and letting things sort of swish around in my head so they will hopefully form some kind of career goal or mission or something. But I'm only getting B+ on my papers, even when I think I'm really getting it, and that makes me think I'm missing something.
Basically I'm worried that I'm still not going to be good enough at Physics to be the teacher I want to be, and that I don't realize what I'm getting into when it comes to education so that I'm going to be met with some nasty surprise in the near future and find out that I can't do that for a living either.
Maybe this is it: now that I've had the chance to sort of reevaluate my relationship to my work, and I'm kind of trying out a new way of working (that is, really doing everything I'm supposed to and going to every single class, all that stuff I should have been doing all along but for some reason I had to turn 20 to discover was appropriate) I just don't have any self-confidence in my new academic identity. Maybe I just need to get used to not knowing everything, and trusting that even when something is hard it's possible for me to succeed instead of quit. Or trusting that I really am trying as hard as I can and so I'm going to have to be satisfied with the results even if I wish I was better.
...something like that. I hate college. Who says that?? (I know I'm a spoiled brat. Please don't call me on it, just this once.)
But I digress.
So this is kind of my mid-semester update of sorts. I was worried at the beginning that I would find it impossible to get all my work done and end up failing at my goals. This, luckily, seems not to be entirely the case. I'm doing reasonably well in my Physics class, I'm very engaged in my Education class (and it's making me want to be a teacher even more) and the class on Newton's Principia continues to be interesting.
But, I'm still really unsettled. Physics is hard, and not very rewarding. For the amount of note-taking, reading, and problem-working I do, I have surprisingly few "Aha" moments where I really 'get' something. Studying Newton's Principia is similar...it's hard to read, the lectures are hard to follow, and at the end the only result is going to be a long term paper that I'm really worried about writing as of now. Education is kind of like the opposite: I'm really enjoying the readings, reshaping my perspectives on education and letting things sort of swish around in my head so they will hopefully form some kind of career goal or mission or something. But I'm only getting B+ on my papers, even when I think I'm really getting it, and that makes me think I'm missing something.
Basically I'm worried that I'm still not going to be good enough at Physics to be the teacher I want to be, and that I don't realize what I'm getting into when it comes to education so that I'm going to be met with some nasty surprise in the near future and find out that I can't do that for a living either.
Maybe this is it: now that I've had the chance to sort of reevaluate my relationship to my work, and I'm kind of trying out a new way of working (that is, really doing everything I'm supposed to and going to every single class, all that stuff I should have been doing all along but for some reason I had to turn 20 to discover was appropriate) I just don't have any self-confidence in my new academic identity. Maybe I just need to get used to not knowing everything, and trusting that even when something is hard it's possible for me to succeed instead of quit. Or trusting that I really am trying as hard as I can and so I'm going to have to be satisfied with the results even if I wish I was better.
...something like that. I hate college. Who says that?? (I know I'm a spoiled brat. Please don't call me on it, just this once.)