nauseous.
i came home after dinner at tia's on friday night and after trying to fall asleep, i vomited outside my basement door. hot.
ever since i have not had my usual appetite. i haven't cooked the gourmet meals i pride myself for. i have made it through these past 3 days on water, some cereal and an attempt to have stirfry. what the f is going on? i have also been having planmakingmeltdowns, and am realizing that i've been running from myself. how ironic though because i consider myself to take pretty good care of myself but here i've been not listening to myself, not spending enough time with just me, making plans nonstop with friends, wouldbe friends etc etc. ugh.
i woke up today and accomplished my new goal, to write first thing in the morning stream of consciousness style. i also meditated for 15 minutes, and faced the intensity of how badly i'd like to run away from myself.
let me note the queer bubble i reside in: i stopped by this random pub where they have wifi to kill some time before my dinner plans with abby, and i'm sitting here drinkin a beer and internetting it up and i realize 'holy shit. there are mostly dudes in here.' and i'm talking bio dudes. the kind i can't really handle. this seperatist gal has been kinda losin her shit a little bit but just focusing on the tasks at hand, fingers typing madly away, sippin my beer, trying to get my internet time out of this purchase. but just noting that whoa. i'm never around this many bio dudes. yowsers. i'm reminded that i have no interest in being around them either.
i have to finish up so i can bike back over to fremont and 41st. i know she'll be on time. i want to beat her to the restaurant, go go gadget jenstar!
ever since i have not had my usual appetite. i haven't cooked the gourmet meals i pride myself for. i have made it through these past 3 days on water, some cereal and an attempt to have stirfry. what the f is going on? i have also been having planmakingmeltdowns, and am realizing that i've been running from myself. how ironic though because i consider myself to take pretty good care of myself but here i've been not listening to myself, not spending enough time with just me, making plans nonstop with friends, wouldbe friends etc etc. ugh.
i woke up today and accomplished my new goal, to write first thing in the morning stream of consciousness style. i also meditated for 15 minutes, and faced the intensity of how badly i'd like to run away from myself.
let me note the queer bubble i reside in: i stopped by this random pub where they have wifi to kill some time before my dinner plans with abby, and i'm sitting here drinkin a beer and internetting it up and i realize 'holy shit. there are mostly dudes in here.' and i'm talking bio dudes. the kind i can't really handle. this seperatist gal has been kinda losin her shit a little bit but just focusing on the tasks at hand, fingers typing madly away, sippin my beer, trying to get my internet time out of this purchase. but just noting that whoa. i'm never around this many bio dudes. yowsers. i'm reminded that i have no interest in being around them either.
i have to finish up so i can bike back over to fremont and 41st. i know she'll be on time. i want to beat her to the restaurant, go go gadget jenstar!