i'm not a renthead. seriously
ok. so i may have just spent 20 minutes watching clips from the movie rent (which comes out tomorrow), but i'm not one of those mega obsessed fans known as rentheads. i just have a positive connection to it. my bestest friend back in the day got the broadway soundtrack of it the year it came out in 96 and after she shared it with me we were hooked. we sang it together all the time to the dismay of our friends (who i think just felt left out, we were pretty exclusive about oops). we saw a tour of it in eugene the summer before i went to nyc i think...when i saw it on broadway (though not the original cast) it seemed weird not seeing it with her.
and here i am present day. hollywood has finally made it into a movie nearly a decade after it landed on broadway. my old bff and i aren't so bff anymore, and i am greatly saddened by this. it's like i'm estranged from not just my family but the one person who i never thought i'd be this distant from. she was the person i called when i decided to choose life. she was my bestest bestest friend. i will never forget the times i shared with her.
she lives but a 15 minute bike ride away and yet neither of us call. perhaps it is one of those 'well she should call me' situations. though, admittedly, since my return from nyc 3 years ago, i consistently made the effort to see her and strive to include her in my new life here. but what am i saying. none of that matters.
its just life. i do so wish that we could reconnect despite our differences. despite living lives that don't intersect or even run parallel.
i wish she were going to see the movie with me.
for a second i almost wrote: maybe i'll invite her...
but no. i want to nourish, nurture, and tend to the relationships that do the same for me.
i will see rent with my gf/bff and hopefully some glorious friends in tow.
in the audience i will relax in the company of companions who join me on this journey. who witness, reach out, and love me.
and i'm sure someone will reach out and remind me not to sing all the songs during the film...it's gonna be rough.
i had a day of laughter. even with myself as i biked in the sun. i just started giggling and laughing out loud. a laugh that i don't think anyone else has ever heard from me. just a secret, private, special laugh just for me, just with me. i noticed how i can make people laugh today. i noticed that others make me laugh too. i laughed and laughed on the way home and could feel layers of tension melt with shared mirth, boisterous joy.
i have to say one more thing before i sleep, just to get it out of my head and onto paper to see how it looks and sounds: i'm dropping out of school next term. i'm going to travel in six months. back to the original plan before i randomly decided to go back to school even though i was saving to go to guatemala...yes. travel. travel, travel travel. there is nothing stopping me. i am finally going to do it. it has been a 3 and a half year dream in the making. since the moment i finished musical theater school, i said, ok, it's time to travel. and money issues have haunted me ever since but i'm finally ready to not let it stand in my way anymore. that's a whole nother entry though for another random night...
and here i am present day. hollywood has finally made it into a movie nearly a decade after it landed on broadway. my old bff and i aren't so bff anymore, and i am greatly saddened by this. it's like i'm estranged from not just my family but the one person who i never thought i'd be this distant from. she was the person i called when i decided to choose life. she was my bestest bestest friend. i will never forget the times i shared with her.
she lives but a 15 minute bike ride away and yet neither of us call. perhaps it is one of those 'well she should call me' situations. though, admittedly, since my return from nyc 3 years ago, i consistently made the effort to see her and strive to include her in my new life here. but what am i saying. none of that matters.
its just life. i do so wish that we could reconnect despite our differences. despite living lives that don't intersect or even run parallel.
i wish she were going to see the movie with me.
for a second i almost wrote: maybe i'll invite her...
but no. i want to nourish, nurture, and tend to the relationships that do the same for me.
i will see rent with my gf/bff and hopefully some glorious friends in tow.
in the audience i will relax in the company of companions who join me on this journey. who witness, reach out, and love me.
and i'm sure someone will reach out and remind me not to sing all the songs during the film...it's gonna be rough.
i had a day of laughter. even with myself as i biked in the sun. i just started giggling and laughing out loud. a laugh that i don't think anyone else has ever heard from me. just a secret, private, special laugh just for me, just with me. i noticed how i can make people laugh today. i noticed that others make me laugh too. i laughed and laughed on the way home and could feel layers of tension melt with shared mirth, boisterous joy.
i have to say one more thing before i sleep, just to get it out of my head and onto paper to see how it looks and sounds: i'm dropping out of school next term. i'm going to travel in six months. back to the original plan before i randomly decided to go back to school even though i was saving to go to guatemala...yes. travel. travel, travel travel. there is nothing stopping me. i am finally going to do it. it has been a 3 and a half year dream in the making. since the moment i finished musical theater school, i said, ok, it's time to travel. and money issues have haunted me ever since but i'm finally ready to not let it stand in my way anymore. that's a whole nother entry though for another random night...