I am so fucking emo metal
I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone. In fact I pretty much hate you all. With a few minor exceptions and if you are reading this, I most likely don't hate you. I do hate people like you though. And yes, I hate myself, but that's a given. So why pretend like I don't anymore? I am starting to feel like the old self again already. I miss the comfort of apathy and hate. It feels so much more....warm than sadness. It feels so much more...me. Fuck sadness. Feeling sorry for myself. As If I deserved anything other than sorrow. I enjoy hating it. I can feel my blood boiling at the thought of my own existence. Feel this blood that I share with those I can't connect with. I feel more alone now than I have in a long time. It is so me. The old hate. The old loneliness. The old trapped feeling. Staring out of the window waiting for you to come. I don't want to die with this look in my eyes. I feel this unease. Like I want to stab myself in the eye and not be able to stop myself from doing it. Why don't I just dream of castrating myself while I am at it? I want to shred my face. My soul wants out and my mind is destroying itself trying to make it happen. I can't tolerate my own feelings and I find myself obnoxious. If only I could turn my pain into a void of time and space and suck all of you into my own personal hell. That might make me smile for a moment.