Greed
I hate how no matter how nice a person can be, greed and selfishness can somehow take over... what ever happened to giving? Doesn't that bring more happiness than money? I guess few people see it that way I do, or at least it seems like its that way... without money there wouldn't be any problems... without money there would also probably be more chaos, and I don't like the irony of that situation. I don't care if that's your reason, you're far better off than I am right now, although my family won't openly show it. You're worried about deposit money for a place to stay next, while my family will most likely have to move away because we might not be able to afford to keep our home. I won't say my troubles, I don't like to keep people down. I'm really glad for your happiness and everything did work out "fine." But I hate how once someone becomes useful to you, your whole attitude towards them changes. This brings me back to our huge fight about 3 years ago, it did bring us really close together, but it will always be a painful memory. I'm seeing your "fakeness" again. Although it's probably subconscious and you don't really realize it, but hopefully you can understand what I see from my perspective. Did you really think I'm happy you're ditching me to get closer to the stars? What kind of person would? How much more selfish can you get? It may seem like I am okay with everything and maybe I'm just jealous, but really now? I can't even get mad, I'm just glad there is someone who is mad for me but it really does hurt. I wish you would understand how much it hurts to be your friend sometimes. But I know the only thing I can do is keep up this "act" of being the perfect friend, while still somehow trying to stay true to myself, because that's all I ever want. Maybe you have some personal issues about me as well, but it's my fault for the lack of communication. But how am I supposed to tell you I'm depressed, that there isn't a day that passes by when I don't think of suicide, how can anyone even guess that someone like me would be suicidal. I need more attention, yet I don't want any attention at all. Why can you be there for me as much as I'm always there for you. I understand that your a busy person, but obviously our priorities are different. I just have so much pent up feelings and how are you supposed to know when I don't tell you anything. I was honestly excited about everything until that phone call on Thursday, sure you two were happy, but do you realize how much worries and problems you have brought upon me? I'm just tired of everything sometimes...that I just really want to give up. I'm sorry.