(no subject)
so this is like the first time ive been home since thursday. its kinda sad. i hate being home and the moment i get home, i feel so ... lonely.
i become worried, frustrated, upset, and everything i dont want to be. i feel like crying all the time. and i still dont understand why. i dont want to be perfect, okay i do, but i'd settle for normal. this isnt normal, atleast i dont think so. -- normal cant possibly be this? can normal be miserable? i feel so ungrateful that im always unhappy, but i cant really control this. like i cant sit there and smile when im unhappy. im so confused. this probably doesnt make sense. i feel like i live 2 different lives. the one w/ my family is a depressin, sad, gloomy life and when I'm with my friends, its not like that. there are so many more negative aspects then positive. i dont even know what to say anymore. i feel like i have no energy to do anything anymore. -- ive given up on school, although my grades are fine, they are only fine because of the beginning of the marking period. Lately, i feel so lazy and like such a failure. - everythign is getting to me all at once, and i cant handle any of it. i dont know what to do, and im trying so hard to keep up but at the same time, there is so much stress. i dont kno how to explain it. im so sick of it though. noone truly understands how unhappy i am. i dont think they ever will. some people are depressed over boys, tahts not my problem. i make myself depressed, and i cant control it. i dont want to come to school anymore. i dont want to be home, i just dont want to be around myself. but obviously, that cant occur. noone understands just how slowly im sliping away, and all i want to do is get better.
i become worried, frustrated, upset, and everything i dont want to be. i feel like crying all the time. and i still dont understand why. i dont want to be perfect, okay i do, but i'd settle for normal. this isnt normal, atleast i dont think so. -- normal cant possibly be this? can normal be miserable? i feel so ungrateful that im always unhappy, but i cant really control this. like i cant sit there and smile when im unhappy. im so confused. this probably doesnt make sense. i feel like i live 2 different lives. the one w/ my family is a depressin, sad, gloomy life and when I'm with my friends, its not like that. there are so many more negative aspects then positive. i dont even know what to say anymore. i feel like i have no energy to do anything anymore. -- ive given up on school, although my grades are fine, they are only fine because of the beginning of the marking period. Lately, i feel so lazy and like such a failure. - everythign is getting to me all at once, and i cant handle any of it. i dont know what to do, and im trying so hard to keep up but at the same time, there is so much stress. i dont kno how to explain it. im so sick of it though. noone truly understands how unhappy i am. i dont think they ever will. some people are depressed over boys, tahts not my problem. i make myself depressed, and i cant control it. i dont want to come to school anymore. i dont want to be home, i just dont want to be around myself. but obviously, that cant occur. noone understands just how slowly im sliping away, and all i want to do is get better.