frustration
Still frustrated. I shouldn't be, I finally got my wish, a baker's assistant, except she doesn't actually want to bake with me, but at night. Maybe it will work out for the better if she comes in at night, when things are quiet and the kitchen is soothing, but part of me is jealous that she gets the calm time and I stay among the crazy-rush, and part of me is sad she won't be working with me so I can have a friend and compatriot. My vision of what I want my job to be and my bosses vision do not always connect. I want to make over the top flavors and exciting new things like crunchy coated cupcakes and homemade danish, while they are stuck on sesame cookies and candied apples. I finally finished watching Top Chef Just Desserts and it invigorated me, reminded me of my roots and what I could be. I don't want to try to become the next Sweet! of Orlando, let Holly remain the cupcake queen, let's make Davis Bakery the next Citizen Cake (or let's find Megan a place where she can at least grow.) Right now I feel I must bide my time at this job until Michael is done with school and we can move somewhere with more opportunity for us. Let's face it, Orlando maybe be infinitely better than New Smyrna, but people still need to be convinced to try rhubarb pie. I'm having a hard time with the fact that I know what I want, and it doesn't exist. Job, curtains, food, just make it the way I have it in my head, damnit. I wouldn't complain about working 50, 60 hours a week if I felt satisfied at the end of the day. For now I'll just keep writing these ideas down for some future date (and sneak a few of them into the bakery just because I can.)