Unattractive...

[eyeam4ever55]

Why do I care so much about you?
Why don't you give a fuck about me?
How can I pretend it doesn't affect me?
I try and convince myself that you're nothing.
But you're everything.

I feel so ugly.
So unattractive to anyone & everyone.
Why does nobody care?
But I care so much about them...
& what they think.
I'm so upset.

I just don't know what to do... what to think.
I feel so lost in the shuffle.
A mirage that disappears once a person passes by.

I'm only there until something better comes along.
Only for a moment do I matter.

I pretend I don't care. Like I'm numb.
But I feel every needle that stabs into me.
Why do I care if you know?
Because, if you knew... you'd know I was vulnerable.
Able to be hurt.
I don't want to be so easy to manipulate.

I hate this feeling.
I would rather feel nothing than this...
At least I feel that way now.
I'm tired of crying...
It's only been one night that I've cried.

But I HATE IT.

I hate hurting. & feeling. & wanting what I can't ever grasp...
reality.
It's the worst thing invented.
It warps everything else...

I hate caring.