(no subject)
yeah I totallly miss everyone and I just saw my dad for a couple days and I had to say goodbye to him just now and I thought I was going to die because I misss him so muchh!
The other day when he picked me up from my grandmothers house I just started crying like instantly and I was like "Why the fuck don't I ever see you????" and when he drove me back here today I was about to lose it for a while. Its so hard to not be able to see your daddy whenever you want to and instead only a couple times a year. So hardd. Oh godd. Its so easy for me to get mad at him because I'm so frustrated that he's so farrrr awayy. And I hate just seeing him for a couple days at a time. It just messes with me. By the time I get used to hanging out with him again I have to say goodbye. He told me the other day about this time last year that he never told anyone about. He was on his fishing boat and my uncle was diving for urchins up against a ledge so the boate was pretty close to the rocks. Jamey (my uncle) was using a clipped bag for the urchins which is really bad because you're supposed to weave the rope into the opening so the bag doesnt fall open because it will fall back into the water etc. and the bag was way too big anyway. Well the bag started to fall open because of those stupid clips and he reached over to grab it and the bag dragged him into the water. Of course he couldnt swim because of all the gear he was wearing. Yunno, the big orange overalls and the heavy fishing boots, not to mention all of his fleece and clothes and everything. So he coulnt get back onto the boat by himself so he had to swimm somehow to a ledge about twenty feet away. But his clothes were dragging him down and he started sinking and only his mouth was above water and he thought "okay I guess this is it, its my time to go" and he started to give up the struggle. But then he thought " No, what about my little Alanna? What is she going to do without me? I cant leave her.." and he swam as hard as he could to the lege and waited there until the boat eventually floated over. He got back on the boat and was safe but it was a close call.He It scared me, and sort of made me realize why I kept having all those bad dreams about him dying in the water last year.He says that he thinks of that whenever he's having a hard time and its so intense to know that I'm the reason he fought to stay alive. But it made me so thankfull to be with him again. I miss himm so much. :[
The other day when he picked me up from my grandmothers house I just started crying like instantly and I was like "Why the fuck don't I ever see you????" and when he drove me back here today I was about to lose it for a while. Its so hard to not be able to see your daddy whenever you want to and instead only a couple times a year. So hardd. Oh godd. Its so easy for me to get mad at him because I'm so frustrated that he's so farrrr awayy. And I hate just seeing him for a couple days at a time. It just messes with me. By the time I get used to hanging out with him again I have to say goodbye. He told me the other day about this time last year that he never told anyone about. He was on his fishing boat and my uncle was diving for urchins up against a ledge so the boate was pretty close to the rocks. Jamey (my uncle) was using a clipped bag for the urchins which is really bad because you're supposed to weave the rope into the opening so the bag doesnt fall open because it will fall back into the water etc. and the bag was way too big anyway. Well the bag started to fall open because of those stupid clips and he reached over to grab it and the bag dragged him into the water. Of course he couldnt swim because of all the gear he was wearing. Yunno, the big orange overalls and the heavy fishing boots, not to mention all of his fleece and clothes and everything. So he coulnt get back onto the boat by himself so he had to swimm somehow to a ledge about twenty feet away. But his clothes were dragging him down and he started sinking and only his mouth was above water and he thought "okay I guess this is it, its my time to go" and he started to give up the struggle. But then he thought " No, what about my little Alanna? What is she going to do without me? I cant leave her.." and he swam as hard as he could to the lege and waited there until the boat eventually floated over. He got back on the boat and was safe but it was a close call.He It scared me, and sort of made me realize why I kept having all those bad dreams about him dying in the water last year.He says that he thinks of that whenever he's having a hard time and its so intense to know that I'm the reason he fought to stay alive. But it made me so thankfull to be with him again. I miss himm so much. :[