just plain old grrr!
umm lets see i talked to erik last night for the first time in like weeks so that is good.. he is really confused right now... but yeah i told him not to compare me to brittany and he is like i know. i can never compare to what i had with you to what i have with anyone else. no matter what people say and no matter what i try to convince myself. i do still love that kid with all my heart but im trying to move on cuz he is with brittany now soo what can i do. and the guy that i like is like backing away from me sooo im really confused right now.. but whatever what can i do... absouletly nuthin. it doesnt matter what i want with anybody and that really suckz. no one understands how that feels come on now. everyone is like yeah i understand but do they really. this question kepps running through my mind day in and day out. but what can i say. does anyone truly understand the pain that im in.NO why would they? everyone talks about there problems to me and in my mind in just like dude until you go through what i went through and what im still going the today. right here and right now then just shut the fuck up. seriously i know that sounds mean but come on. no one understands me and how i work... and what is going through my mind. DO THEY?i feel so horrible inside it isnt even funny. so much shit is happening right in front of my face and i dont see it until weeks later and then i get hurt. i just wish everything would be alright. i just wish sam and kevin were back together so i dont feel the way i do right now. and i wish i was still with erik cuz i know he loves me and always will but no another thing i screwed up? that hurts soo much. soo many things i wish will never come true but one. and we all know what that is? dont we? we all know that kevin still likes sam soo i need to get over myself and move on. why am i wasting my time? seriously. i know he will probably read this but whatever. he has yet to talk to me about anything. he says he is "stressed" by things.. but will he tell me ? no why do that why open up to me and let me see who you really are? no one understands and stop saying you do cuz you really dont. if i dont understan myself how are other people to. this is all my fault again. another thing what is my fault. i really need to stop blaming shit on myself. but if i dont blame it on me how else im i goona blame it on.. it isnt his fault or her fault. it is mine.