Terse Verse Tuesday

[exx_cecilegr]

title: Just Ice
pairing: Harry/Draco
rating: R
words: 260
warnings: psychologically dark; controlling behavior
summary: Harry can play champion, because when the day is done, his secret little paradise awaits.

Comments

And I, hooked inevitably when I saw that first line as the LJ cut

[dulcemia]

This is not, as is probably evident, my H/D, but that doesn't diminish my admiration of either your conceptualizations of them individually and as a (here, deeply dysfunctional) couple, or the poem qua poem. This Draco, this Endorphin bride./Man-wife Azkaban orphan prize drinking broken justice and reduced to nothing more than an it is a Draco I want to shove my arm into the poem and rescue. So it's no small thing to have wielded language so competently that someone who finds a dehumanized Draco and puppeteer Harry unpleasant to contemplate will still read the results multiple times for the sheer textual pleasure. (But god, those last two stanzas. *Ouch*)

So. This is another thoroughly enjoyable (if painful) read. In terms of form (and the relationship between form and content vis meaning-production), the couplet feels exactly the right option for this content, and your enjambment/end stop choices are well considered and effective. I don't have time to comment on imagery and word choice, so "damn near perfect" will have to suffice. (I made a nascent attempt at pulling out particularly striking examples, and it's not feasible, so a general point about it instead: The bounty of it is rich but not surfeit, individual instances are clever without feeling contrived, and none of it feels arbitrary brandishing of wordery for wordery's sake. Lovely stuff.)

Also some admirable phonological work here! The ample, almost insistent, sibilant reprises are icy and perfect - there's a chilly sound snake winding through this poem that sends a shiver down my spine. (Some nice chewy meters, too.)

I love Tuesdays now.

Re: And I, hooked inevitably when I saw that first line as the LJ cut

[exx_cecilegr]

I wasn't expecting to have this one finished this week. Once I realized I had indeed finally finished it, I threw my hands in the air and cheered, "YES!". :) I was thrilled to share it and I'm glad you like it. There are a few lines I'm unsure about and might yet tinker with, but all the ones you alluded are ones that have been written and ready for ages, sitting private-locked in my LJ, waiting waiting waiting to see the light of day!

I want to rescue Draco too! There were a few notable fics in my mind while writing this, that take on a similar scenario and have devastating endings. They always leave me wildly imagining more happy conclusions. I find the wild imaginings to be part of the fun.

This was an exciting exploration into strange territory... I don't even know what "kind of poem" to call this, but I hope I can only improve when I decide to write more like it in the future.

As always, thank you for sharing your thoughts. <3