an LJ long over

[exule]

Ever hold out for something in life you want so much that you would turn down anything else that comes up even if thats better? well I almost did just that, this is also the reason I took so long to update here, guess the chapter in my life didn't feel done yet. see there was this person in my life who I was holding out for, I thought the only reason she hadn't said the same was because of distance and a matter of time till that distance could be closed, so I waited, and eventuly turned down anyone else in my life who showed up. then I met someone very diffrent. she seemed almost too perfect and we seemed so right for each other, so right things seemed scary at first. but I was still waiting, well at that moment it was more that I had promised I would wait, I didn't know what to do, I had promised myself and her I would wait and give us a chance but now this new girl had come into my life and for the first time in my life I was so sure that it was scareing me but I had never gone back on my word when it was dealing with someones heart, not inless they left me first. and then I got a message. as if she knew my old friend had said, in the nicest way, that she did not think we were right as anything more than friends, that I should move on with my life with who ever stole my heart instead of waiting for something that she thought would never happen. and like some sappy drama you only watch when you've got nothing else to do, my life was turned upside down every day just to make sure my love and I could spend that day together. everything in my life seemed to fall into place just so we could have that time, at work I was put on a sort of payed leave because of the ADHD, it covered my rent and a few other things, and a transfer for her was put off by a month just when we thought we'd have nothing but weekends. but the chapter still felt unfinished, the girl I had promised, as far as she knew I had just droped off the face of the earth. I didn't know how to say that I was thinking the same thing at the same time, that our friendship seemed perfect and that anything more seemed more fantacy than fact. but I had very little time for email let alone sitting down and saying that I had moved on the day before she sent her message. seemed to crule to just say that even if it was what she had asked me to do. so I guess I leave my message on here, and hope shes still up for friends bantering to each other on msn. for now I've got no time for msn, I reread some of my live journal and when I started this thing any complants were about how people didn't get out there and take life at its fullest. it seems that I was missing out on that myself the past year or two, only working and complaining, but the past few months I've spent more time wondering the Zoo, the parks, the malls and side streets that its like I'm redescuvering this place for the first time, its getting warmer here again now, up next is the beaches. I hope all my friends are well and injoying life as much as I am. I've never been happer, with my life and with my love, and I think this is only the start of a new and livelyer chapter in my life. so once again, my moto was and always will be,
"Dream as if you'll live forever,
Live as if you'll die tomorrow."
~Exule