....let's talk about you and me....
I still get the shivers sometimes when I’m walking next to you and I put my arm around your shoulder. Or when you turn to me and sneak a hug. I still get shivers when I’m in your arms and we kiss. Or when you look at me and we both smile. It’s only been a couple of months, but I still get shivers. There’s something about you that my stomach can’t handle - a feeling you give me that makes my body have to restart. There’s still something about you that I am shocked by, that my nerves cannot handle. You keep me going some days, but it’s the shivers that keep me going with a smile.
Nice intro, huh? Not really the kind of thing you’d expect coming from the fingers and mind of me, is it? I’m not sure why I’m sitting down here tonight writing this. I guess some would say that I’ve been pressured beyond my point of creative thinking, and that I broke down and wrote about the thing I didn’t want to write about in my journal - me. Some would say that I’ve been asked by people to tell them about my relationship; that they were ashamed and angry that I did not tell them yet. Some would even say that I’m bragging, that I want everybody else to know how happy I am, despite how they’re feeling. That I’m trying to make my audience jealous, that I’m with her and you aren’t, so ha! I win.
I guess these are all true, except for jealousy, (the last one) - whoever would say that is an insensitive prick that should stop reading this entry now. But to tell you the truth, I don’t know why I’m writing this. I can’t think of a reason that everybody needs to know how I’m feeling, what kind of relationship I am in, and what my thoughts are on the matter. So I guess it is to make everybody else jealous. Go figure.
No, probably the reason I am deciding to sit down and send my thoughts out to the world is because it’s something to write about. I don’t need to get anything off my chest, I don’t need her to know how I feel, and she doesn’t need to know how I feel. I guess I’m writing this because people told me I needed to write something and this is the topic that is foremost on my mind.
At least it isn’t a 7-page account of a one day period…coughericcough.
I got inspiration for this entry just tonight, probably 30 minutes before I started writing. I had just gone to Applebee’s with two others and her, and we were driving back from Target (our after dinner destination). We were in the back seat of the luxurious, and sporty, Jetta. I noticed that we were both turned into each other; we weren’t holding hands, or being all cute (‘all cute’ gets a green line under it: the correction is ‘all-cute’ and when I put that in it also has a green line under it: the correction is ‘all cute’) like that, we were just sitting, facing each other. I found this odd and tried to think, if I were in another situation with another person, would I be turned into them as well?
I figured that I would be turned into them, for it is common knowledge that the people sitting in back need to be able to see the road in front of them. So I pondered for a moment. And then I turned away from the middle, and her, and faced my knees toward my door. I sat there for a moment and just looked out the window, with my hands in my lap. This is usually a nice cure if you are unable to see the road through the middle console. In my case, it was not. To make an unnecessarily long story short, I did not feel comfortable sitting away from her. Anyway, that made me think of this, and that’s why I’m writing about it now. Just disregard everything you read, it means nothing; except to me and those of you who have experienced this same thing.
I guess my whole entry is the first paragraph; the rest is just worthless babble. I had big time plans of talking about what different people mean to us, and how one person can make your day brighter, no matter what the mood you are in. And how when you are with that person everything that is wrong is placed a lever or two below.
She looks past things. She looks past things that I wasn’t sure anyone could look past. Well, I’m sure she doesn’t look past them; she sees them every time we’re together, but she doesn’t stop because of them. Or maybe she does. This is a big concern I have, and I don’t think I’ve ever expressed to her my concerns. I guess I have never asked her about it because I have a fear that she will finally realize what she has been looking past and then will herself question why she looks past them. I worry that she will finally see me for who I am in the mirror and not for who I am in her memory. I have a fear that she only remembers me for the good things I possess and somehow forgets the bad. Because that is what you do with memories. You don’t remember the bad things; you remember the good things, the things that make you happy. But that’s because the bad things don’t usually repeat themselves. I worry that she doesn’t realize this, and that she sees me in her mind as the good and not the bad.
I’ll try and get back to my point with a new paragraph, although it is still focusing on the same point - I know, terrible writing skills.
Let me try again. She looks past things that I didn’t know someone could look past and still carry on a relationship with me. This causes both fear and overwhelming attraction. This is a tough mixture of emotions to deal with. Many times I feel like I don’t want to see her because of the bad things, but then when I am with her she makes me forget about them. She makes me remember the good things about myself.
To tell you the truth I’m using this entry to get the subject out in the open. It’s a lot easier to pretend I’m not talking directly to her about a subject, when what I’m really doing is speaking directly to her, through you. You’re the filter in my cigarette of life, thanks.
I do a lot of worrying about things. This is primarily because I don’t want to ruin us by doing something I could have prevented. But I don’t want you to think that I let my worrying get in the way of her. That being said, I have one more thing to worry about. I worry that this entry will be too much for her to handle. I have the sneaking suspicion that she will consider this over-the-top and too soon to be writing about her in my journal. (I also worried about that rose in the same way.) I worry about this because we were not friends until the late middle of this recent summer. We moved so quickly through the friendship and right to the relationship. But it feels like we’ve known each other for a lot longer.
“Even though we decided we hadn’t even hardly talked before this summer I feel like I've been your friend for years.”
So I feel like I can write this about her, and have no problems with it - but I worry about what her feelings are.
I know you probably don’t care about all the worry I do, but I only started off with all the worrying so I could tell you how I feel about her. So I could make you understand our relationship a lot better. Here’s a recap of this journal entry and the perceptions of our relationship I want you to walk away with…
She still gives me the shivers, which keep me going through the days with a smile on my face. I feel awkward when I’m with her, but not with her. When I’m sitting next to her but I’m not facing her. I feel awkward when we’re eating in the same building, but not sitting next to each other. I feel awkward when she’s running on a treadmill, I’m playing basketball in the same place, and we don’t say hi to each other. She looks past the things that I consider terribly wrong with myself. She looks past them and at the same time makes me forget about them. She makes me feel better about myself. Finally, although we’ve only talked for a few months, I feel like we’ve been talking our whole lives. I constantly question why I didn’t get to know her sooner, but at the same time am thankful I didn’t, because who knows where we would be right now.
I hope this entry doesn’t scare her away, while at the same time satisfying all my critics. I walked a fine line between saying too much and not saying enough. I hope my shoes weren’t too big for the rope.
Nice intro, huh? Not really the kind of thing you’d expect coming from the fingers and mind of me, is it? I’m not sure why I’m sitting down here tonight writing this. I guess some would say that I’ve been pressured beyond my point of creative thinking, and that I broke down and wrote about the thing I didn’t want to write about in my journal - me. Some would say that I’ve been asked by people to tell them about my relationship; that they were ashamed and angry that I did not tell them yet. Some would even say that I’m bragging, that I want everybody else to know how happy I am, despite how they’re feeling. That I’m trying to make my audience jealous, that I’m with her and you aren’t, so ha! I win.
I guess these are all true, except for jealousy, (the last one) - whoever would say that is an insensitive prick that should stop reading this entry now. But to tell you the truth, I don’t know why I’m writing this. I can’t think of a reason that everybody needs to know how I’m feeling, what kind of relationship I am in, and what my thoughts are on the matter. So I guess it is to make everybody else jealous. Go figure.
No, probably the reason I am deciding to sit down and send my thoughts out to the world is because it’s something to write about. I don’t need to get anything off my chest, I don’t need her to know how I feel, and she doesn’t need to know how I feel. I guess I’m writing this because people told me I needed to write something and this is the topic that is foremost on my mind.
At least it isn’t a 7-page account of a one day period…coughericcough.
I got inspiration for this entry just tonight, probably 30 minutes before I started writing. I had just gone to Applebee’s with two others and her, and we were driving back from Target (our after dinner destination). We were in the back seat of the luxurious, and sporty, Jetta. I noticed that we were both turned into each other; we weren’t holding hands, or being all cute (‘all cute’ gets a green line under it: the correction is ‘all-cute’ and when I put that in it also has a green line under it: the correction is ‘all cute’) like that, we were just sitting, facing each other. I found this odd and tried to think, if I were in another situation with another person, would I be turned into them as well?
I figured that I would be turned into them, for it is common knowledge that the people sitting in back need to be able to see the road in front of them. So I pondered for a moment. And then I turned away from the middle, and her, and faced my knees toward my door. I sat there for a moment and just looked out the window, with my hands in my lap. This is usually a nice cure if you are unable to see the road through the middle console. In my case, it was not. To make an unnecessarily long story short, I did not feel comfortable sitting away from her. Anyway, that made me think of this, and that’s why I’m writing about it now. Just disregard everything you read, it means nothing; except to me and those of you who have experienced this same thing.
I guess my whole entry is the first paragraph; the rest is just worthless babble. I had big time plans of talking about what different people mean to us, and how one person can make your day brighter, no matter what the mood you are in. And how when you are with that person everything that is wrong is placed a lever or two below.
She looks past things. She looks past things that I wasn’t sure anyone could look past. Well, I’m sure she doesn’t look past them; she sees them every time we’re together, but she doesn’t stop because of them. Or maybe she does. This is a big concern I have, and I don’t think I’ve ever expressed to her my concerns. I guess I have never asked her about it because I have a fear that she will finally realize what she has been looking past and then will herself question why she looks past them. I worry that she will finally see me for who I am in the mirror and not for who I am in her memory. I have a fear that she only remembers me for the good things I possess and somehow forgets the bad. Because that is what you do with memories. You don’t remember the bad things; you remember the good things, the things that make you happy. But that’s because the bad things don’t usually repeat themselves. I worry that she doesn’t realize this, and that she sees me in her mind as the good and not the bad.
I’ll try and get back to my point with a new paragraph, although it is still focusing on the same point - I know, terrible writing skills.
Let me try again. She looks past things that I didn’t know someone could look past and still carry on a relationship with me. This causes both fear and overwhelming attraction. This is a tough mixture of emotions to deal with. Many times I feel like I don’t want to see her because of the bad things, but then when I am with her she makes me forget about them. She makes me remember the good things about myself.
To tell you the truth I’m using this entry to get the subject out in the open. It’s a lot easier to pretend I’m not talking directly to her about a subject, when what I’m really doing is speaking directly to her, through you. You’re the filter in my cigarette of life, thanks.
I do a lot of worrying about things. This is primarily because I don’t want to ruin us by doing something I could have prevented. But I don’t want you to think that I let my worrying get in the way of her. That being said, I have one more thing to worry about. I worry that this entry will be too much for her to handle. I have the sneaking suspicion that she will consider this over-the-top and too soon to be writing about her in my journal. (I also worried about that rose in the same way.) I worry about this because we were not friends until the late middle of this recent summer. We moved so quickly through the friendship and right to the relationship. But it feels like we’ve known each other for a lot longer.
“Even though we decided we hadn’t even hardly talked before this summer I feel like I've been your friend for years.”
So I feel like I can write this about her, and have no problems with it - but I worry about what her feelings are.
I know you probably don’t care about all the worry I do, but I only started off with all the worrying so I could tell you how I feel about her. So I could make you understand our relationship a lot better. Here’s a recap of this journal entry and the perceptions of our relationship I want you to walk away with…
She still gives me the shivers, which keep me going through the days with a smile on my face. I feel awkward when I’m with her, but not with her. When I’m sitting next to her but I’m not facing her. I feel awkward when we’re eating in the same building, but not sitting next to each other. I feel awkward when she’s running on a treadmill, I’m playing basketball in the same place, and we don’t say hi to each other. She looks past the things that I consider terribly wrong with myself. She looks past them and at the same time makes me forget about them. She makes me feel better about myself. Finally, although we’ve only talked for a few months, I feel like we’ve been talking our whole lives. I constantly question why I didn’t get to know her sooner, but at the same time am thankful I didn’t, because who knows where we would be right now.
I hope this entry doesn’t scare her away, while at the same time satisfying all my critics. I walked a fine line between saying too much and not saying enough. I hope my shoes weren’t too big for the rope.