(no subject)
oh geez.
once again i don't feel like writing all of this down, because i actually have things to write down.
i have no clue what i want, so i guess i will just see what happens. i'm thinking pretty pessimisticly. (totes spelled that wrong)
i don't want to expect anything
but ok, so I've noticed this really weird change in myself. suddenly i am able to do all of these things that i've always wanted to do but never had the guts to do. or there was ALWAYS something holding me back. now i don't have an excuse and i am at peace with myself.
somehow these past few months, however shitty they were, have been entirely good for me.
so i guess i would not want things to go back to the way they were. which reminds me of how i don't know what i want because i don't want this feeling to fade. i actually like how things are now- i like tension and awkwardness and being nervous about everything, but not caring and not letting that set me back.
weird how that all works out.
my problem now is that i think too much. so everything bothers me even if it is stupid. i wouldn't be myself if i didn't evaluate everything down to every last detail.
and i don't want any responsibilities. i've worked so hard these past few months, and all i want is to chill and do something random every night and see where I end up. My drive = depleted.
i can't believe how tired i am. i slept like 15 hours in the past 24. that's borderline disgusting. blah
not looking forward to class tonight...
once again i don't feel like writing all of this down, because i actually have things to write down.
i have no clue what i want, so i guess i will just see what happens. i'm thinking pretty pessimisticly. (totes spelled that wrong)
i don't want to expect anything
but ok, so I've noticed this really weird change in myself. suddenly i am able to do all of these things that i've always wanted to do but never had the guts to do. or there was ALWAYS something holding me back. now i don't have an excuse and i am at peace with myself.
somehow these past few months, however shitty they were, have been entirely good for me.
so i guess i would not want things to go back to the way they were. which reminds me of how i don't know what i want because i don't want this feeling to fade. i actually like how things are now- i like tension and awkwardness and being nervous about everything, but not caring and not letting that set me back.
weird how that all works out.
my problem now is that i think too much. so everything bothers me even if it is stupid. i wouldn't be myself if i didn't evaluate everything down to every last detail.
and i don't want any responsibilities. i've worked so hard these past few months, and all i want is to chill and do something random every night and see where I end up. My drive = depleted.
i can't believe how tired i am. i slept like 15 hours in the past 24. that's borderline disgusting. blah
not looking forward to class tonight...