Dedicated to the memory of my good friend Chris
The other day I was trying to help prepare our old chum Chris for his travels in the land of the Angles, and in so doing inadvertently discovered my striking natural talent for travel-writing. And thus, you have before you the following entry. Expect more to come!
*reader specific note: Dylan, you may wish to pay special attention to nos. 3 in the first list and 1 in the second list.
A Brief Discourse on Conversational Etiquette in the Land of Marmalade and Powdered Whigs (for Those Wishing to Travel There)
If you’re preparing to travel to a foreign land, you may think you’ve packed everything you’ll need and then some, but chances are you’ve forgotten one of the most important and, paradoxically, most overlooked survival goods: your conversational vocabulary. So, before you throw that suitcase in the trunk and hop into that car, make sure you know what’s appropriate (and what’s not) when it comes to conversing in a strange and foreign land.
It is commonly accepted knowledge in the scholarly community that the following are Great Britain’s most important achievements. Please feel free to compliment your British acquaintances at every opportunity for these noble accomplishments:
1. They founded us (the finest act of nation-founding in the history of the world).
2. They are one of the few, and perhaps even the only other, country in the world that both knows America is nearly always right and shares our righteous, irrational hatred for the French.
3. Keira Knightley.
You should also be aware, though, when traveling to England, that for each of these accomplishments the UK also has a list of equally important failures, which should not be mentioned so as to avoid bringing up a sore subject.
1. They also founded Canada (one of the most embarrassing acts of nation-founding ever recorded).
2. They attempted to stop us from exercising our God-given right to secede from such a brutal and oppressive government (they even tried to tax stamps, for goodness sake!) and also, they burned down our capitol once.
3. Magaret Thatcher.
So in short, while in conversation in Great Britain, any traveler who makes a concerted effort never stray from the first three topics, or, at the very least, makes sure never to mention the last three, is ensured success.
*I hope you noticed the joke in the title (the title of the discourse, not of the entry, I should say); I was pretty proud of that one.
*reader specific note: Dylan, you may wish to pay special attention to nos. 3 in the first list and 1 in the second list.
A Brief Discourse on Conversational Etiquette in the Land of Marmalade and Powdered Whigs (for Those Wishing to Travel There)
If you’re preparing to travel to a foreign land, you may think you’ve packed everything you’ll need and then some, but chances are you’ve forgotten one of the most important and, paradoxically, most overlooked survival goods: your conversational vocabulary. So, before you throw that suitcase in the trunk and hop into that car, make sure you know what’s appropriate (and what’s not) when it comes to conversing in a strange and foreign land.
It is commonly accepted knowledge in the scholarly community that the following are Great Britain’s most important achievements. Please feel free to compliment your British acquaintances at every opportunity for these noble accomplishments:
1. They founded us (the finest act of nation-founding in the history of the world).
2. They are one of the few, and perhaps even the only other, country in the world that both knows America is nearly always right and shares our righteous, irrational hatred for the French.
3. Keira Knightley.
You should also be aware, though, when traveling to England, that for each of these accomplishments the UK also has a list of equally important failures, which should not be mentioned so as to avoid bringing up a sore subject.
1. They also founded Canada (one of the most embarrassing acts of nation-founding ever recorded).
2. They attempted to stop us from exercising our God-given right to secede from such a brutal and oppressive government (they even tried to tax stamps, for goodness sake!) and also, they burned down our capitol once.
3. Magaret Thatcher.
So in short, while in conversation in Great Britain, any traveler who makes a concerted effort never stray from the first three topics, or, at the very least, makes sure never to mention the last three, is ensured success.
*I hope you noticed the joke in the title (the title of the discourse, not of the entry, I should say); I was pretty proud of that one.