ramble ramble ramble. i hate winter.
i'm staring out the window into the beautiful snow. i have waited too long. and i won't let anything stop me this time. my hand reaches for the door handle and i pause. lighting a cigarette in the car and changing my ipod to another depressing song had become too difficult so i cut the tips off the fingers of my gloves. an act now i wished i hadnt done as the chill of the door handle raced through my fingers and straight to my heart. remembering all the times i hadn't gone out i swore to myself i wouldnt let it stop me. i couldn't. i needed to be a kid again. i needed to go outside and play in the snow for no reason at all. when had i gotten to the age where it was "too cold?" when in life had i stopped doing this because other people weren't doing it. when did i start caring what other people thought...weither i looked stupid. i was the one having fun in the snow and they were they ones freezing there watching me. fuck it. im going. as i opened the door the breeze hit my face and i was frozen in my steps. it stripped my body down and all my failures and regrets stood between me and my attempt to have something worth feeling. my chest tightened and another fucking tear fell to the ground. i hung my head and admitted defeat. maybe next year.
x-posted.
x-posted.