Why Fabric Softener Is Dangerous
The problem with fabric softener is that it seems so harmless.
First of all, the stuff is a baby blue/periwinkle color- I can't think of anything that could be intimidating if it was colored periwinkle.
Second, it smells so damn good! Who doesn't love the aroma of "summer breeze" or "spring meadow"? Of course if you've spent more than 30 seconds at a time inhaling the delightful scent of "spring meadow", you're definitely high and thus will appreciate pretty much ANYTHING.
Third, these fabric softener companies have used such advertising techniques as hiring a teddy bear named Snuggles to represent their product. THey've also associated the lack of fabric softener with Snuggles' nemesis; the porcupine who attempts to impersonate Snuggles... who also happens to be from the Bronx. So now you have customers who were conned into smelling the stuff, who are now messed up on "spring meadow", who are watching commercials featuring Snuggles the nice, comforting teddy bear who is probably originally from somewhere really boring and safe, like New Hampshire VS the 'snuggly sawft' mobster porcupine from the Bronx. If for no other reason than fear these stoned customers are definitely going to purchase the product.
Now that we know why people are compelled to buy it, let's discuss how fabric softener is detrimental to your well-being. For those of you who have been to Phi Kappa, you know what the black lights do; they reveal everyone's dirty little secrets. The truth is that most of those seemingly naughty stains on EVERYONE's clothing can be blamed on your fabric softener. That lovely periwinkle color may not be staining your clothes, but it is certainly being retained in the fibers of your jeans in the most convenient places. While we all know that the guy in the corner with the parachute pants and the polyester button-up with dragon designs on it probably isn't getting any, his fabric softener stains beg to differ. Everyone at the party has these stains, though maybe not as strategically placed as yours, and they can be incredibly embarrassing.
The next problem with fabric softener is a greater threat to your physical health. The bottle of fabric softener instructs you to use a certain amount per laundry load. Because the smell is so fantastic and no one wants to hear from that damn porcupine and his posse, everyone uses more fabric softener than they need. This becomes a problem during the winter and at high altitudes. The molecules of fabric softener that are embedded into the fabric of your pants retain the characteristics of a liquid. When the temperature drops below 32 degrees F your pants begin to freeze. There are obviously several health problems that can arise from this predicament, including frostbite, pneumonia, and death.
Finally, fabric softener is having the same effect on Americans as law suits; Americans are becoming a bunch of pussies! Honestly, years ago if you fell down on someone's property, you were the asshole, you brushed yourself off and went on with your life. Now if you fall down on someone's property, you sue them for millions of dollars to pay for your skinned knee and the emotional trauma it has caused you. Fabric softener is worse. People have been wearing clothes since before Jesus. Clothes don't hurt! They're made of FABRIC which is SOFT by nature! True, you may enjoy the smell of your laundry because of fabric softener, but is that scent really worth the havoc this substance is reaping on your life??? I think not. Use dryer sheets.
First of all, the stuff is a baby blue/periwinkle color- I can't think of anything that could be intimidating if it was colored periwinkle.
Second, it smells so damn good! Who doesn't love the aroma of "summer breeze" or "spring meadow"? Of course if you've spent more than 30 seconds at a time inhaling the delightful scent of "spring meadow", you're definitely high and thus will appreciate pretty much ANYTHING.
Third, these fabric softener companies have used such advertising techniques as hiring a teddy bear named Snuggles to represent their product. THey've also associated the lack of fabric softener with Snuggles' nemesis; the porcupine who attempts to impersonate Snuggles... who also happens to be from the Bronx. So now you have customers who were conned into smelling the stuff, who are now messed up on "spring meadow", who are watching commercials featuring Snuggles the nice, comforting teddy bear who is probably originally from somewhere really boring and safe, like New Hampshire VS the 'snuggly sawft' mobster porcupine from the Bronx. If for no other reason than fear these stoned customers are definitely going to purchase the product.
Now that we know why people are compelled to buy it, let's discuss how fabric softener is detrimental to your well-being. For those of you who have been to Phi Kappa, you know what the black lights do; they reveal everyone's dirty little secrets. The truth is that most of those seemingly naughty stains on EVERYONE's clothing can be blamed on your fabric softener. That lovely periwinkle color may not be staining your clothes, but it is certainly being retained in the fibers of your jeans in the most convenient places. While we all know that the guy in the corner with the parachute pants and the polyester button-up with dragon designs on it probably isn't getting any, his fabric softener stains beg to differ. Everyone at the party has these stains, though maybe not as strategically placed as yours, and they can be incredibly embarrassing.
The next problem with fabric softener is a greater threat to your physical health. The bottle of fabric softener instructs you to use a certain amount per laundry load. Because the smell is so fantastic and no one wants to hear from that damn porcupine and his posse, everyone uses more fabric softener than they need. This becomes a problem during the winter and at high altitudes. The molecules of fabric softener that are embedded into the fabric of your pants retain the characteristics of a liquid. When the temperature drops below 32 degrees F your pants begin to freeze. There are obviously several health problems that can arise from this predicament, including frostbite, pneumonia, and death.
Finally, fabric softener is having the same effect on Americans as law suits; Americans are becoming a bunch of pussies! Honestly, years ago if you fell down on someone's property, you were the asshole, you brushed yourself off and went on with your life. Now if you fall down on someone's property, you sue them for millions of dollars to pay for your skinned knee and the emotional trauma it has caused you. Fabric softener is worse. People have been wearing clothes since before Jesus. Clothes don't hurt! They're made of FABRIC which is SOFT by nature! True, you may enjoy the smell of your laundry because of fabric softener, but is that scent really worth the havoc this substance is reaping on your life??? I think not. Use dryer sheets.